Buddhism & Love

10/25/23 • 16 min

00:09

Welcome to the imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss mindfulness and incorporating Zen Buddhism into modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney and today's episode is titled Buddhism and Love.

00:52

Thank you for stopping in and listening. Whether this is your first episode or I don't know what episode I'm on, maybe your 50th. I really appreciate you sticking with me and stopping in. It's been a while since I've shared with you. It's amazing how the days blend together. When I'm working from home, it seems like weeks can go by, months. And even the last couple years seems like they've gone by very fast. And I was looking at...

01:19

episodes and realized, wow, I haven't talked with you in a while, so I wanted to change that.

01:26

Love and Buddhism. I had a friend recently when we were talking about Buddhism bring up the idea that some Buddhists don't believe in relationships as far as sexual, physical relationships or marriage. I think I've heard that from other people before. When we're talking about love though, we're talking more about the concept of seeing yourself in someone else, seeing unity. I quote,

01:55

When you love someone, you have to offer the best you have. The best thing we can offer another person is our true presence. Thich Nhat Hanh. It's being present with somebody, seeking to understand, and eventually even seeing your true identity, which is the presence that witnesses, realizing that's in that other person. You recognize your oneness. Please know that I'm not there yet. This is the imperfect Buddhist. I didn't say I'm completely at this place yet.

02:24

But I have had visions or insight moments where I've felt that connectedness, oneness, and had moved from my head of thinking about this concept of oneness and actually experiencing it.

02:51

Love and our culture. How does this topic or concept of love relate to our culture? Love is a word often used in titles for Netflix shows, like Love is Blind. It's used a lot in songs, song lyrics. People say, hey, I love ice cream or I love pizza. I think a lot of people don't have a very deep definition of what love means.

03:20

We have a culture around love, which is this commercialized version. We have sayings about love, love your neighbor, or I love that pizza, but what does this really mean?

03:32

I've been married for almost... Oh my God, don't tell my wife I'm forgetting our anniversary, but I wanna say we've been married for six or seven years. At the time when we were dating, I was reading this book called The Road Less Traveled. It had a pretty profound impact on my life and the way that I look at reality. When I met Amanda, we both read that book together, and it has a really great definition of love. And so I'm gonna read that for you. M. Scott Peck, the author, defines love as...

04:00

The will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth. Actually, that was my first real definition of love. It gave new meaning to the word love. Before that, love was something that was thrown around in songs or in pop culture or something you'd say in a sentence, but it didn't really have any real meaning.

04:30

My own journey with the concept of love has been evolving quite a bit lately. I recently started the book A Course in Miracles, which is definitely not in Zen or Buddhist tradition, but it has a lot of powerful things to say about love, about human experience and what it means to be connected with other people. The author claims that they...

04:58

channeled this work and it seems to be written from the viewpoint of Jesus. I know that is enough to make most people's eyes roll and typically would make my eyes roll, but I gave it a try because somebody that I really respect in the mindfulness teachings mentioned it and said this is a really powerful book and make up your own mind. So I did and I have gotten a lot out of it, especially around the concept of love and action in

05:26

love's role in life. Through reading it I am starting to recognize love as an experience and a phenomenon rather than just a thought or an action. That there is this energy of love that we can experience. We can also be the transmitter of love. This is all sounding new agey but all that means is that we choose loving action. We choose to see people as ourselves and treat them accordingly.

05:56

quote from A Course in Miracles, teach only love for that is what you are.

06:04

The idea in A Course in Miracles is that there is only love, everything else is an illusion and a fiction created in the minds of men and women and that awakening is coming home to that reality that there is only love. In Buddhist texts, the Dhammapada says, hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love. This is the eternal rule.

06:49

I want to talk a l...

00:09

Welcome to the imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss mindfulness and incorporating Zen Buddhism into modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney and today's episode is titled Buddhism and Love.

00:52

01:19

episodes and realized, wow, I haven't talked with you in a while, so I wanted to change that.

01:26

01:55

02:24

But I have had visions or insight moments where I've felt that connectedness, oneness, and had moved from my head of thinking about this concept of oneness and actually experiencing it.

02:51

03:20

We have a culture around love, which is this commercialized version. We have sayings about love, love your neighbor, or I love that pizza, but what does this really mean?

03:32

04:00

04:30

04:58

05:26

05:56

quote from A Course in Miracles, teach only love for that is what you are.

06:04

06:49

I want to talk a l...

Previous Episode

Buddhism & Patterns

1. Introduction (00:19):

Title: "Understanding Mindfulness and Conscious Living through Buddhism"

Introduction: Matthew Hawk Mahoney, host of "The Imperfect Buddhist," delves into the significance of patterns in mindful living.

2. Mindful Living and Recognizing Patterns (01:07 - 02:34):

Understanding the role of mindfulness in recognizing and altering life patterns, fostering conscious decision-making and personal growth.

3. Understanding Life's Cycles and Patterns (03:17 - 04:18):

Highlighting the concept of interconnectedness and life cycles, emphasizing the significance of patterns in mindful and Buddhist philosophies.

4. Cultivating Present Moment Awareness and Mindfulness Practice (04:18 - 06:32):

Emphasizing the importance of mindfulness and present moment awareness as fundamental practices in conscious living and Buddhist teachings.

5. Mindful Relationships and Conscious Communication (06:32 - 09:45):

Applying mindfulness to foster healthy relationships, emphasizing the importance of conscious communication and understanding patterns in interpersonal dynamics.

6. Transforming Patterns through Mindfulness and Gratitude (09:45 - 11:56):

Exploring methods for transforming deep-rooted patterns through mindfulness and expressing gratitude, aligning with Buddhist principles and conscious living practices.

7. Conclusion: Embracing Mindful Living for Joy and Fulfillment (11:56):

Encouraging readers to embrace mindful living and conscious awareness, fostering joy, love, and well-being in alignment with Buddhist teachings and principles.

Transcript

00:19

Welcome to the Imperfect Buddhist. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney, and today's episode is titled Buddhism and Patterns.

01:07

Patterns have been a key theme in my life lately. Particularly patterns that I would like to cease or change or augment. Maybe I'm halfway there. Maybe half the battle is knowing that I have patterns. Patterns have been playing an important part in my life right now, in my marriage and my personal life. Decisions I make with my health, how I spend my time, how I show up in my relationship.

01:35

Do I show up with a approach of love and growth and wanting to learn about myself and my partner? Or do I show up with feelings of jealousy, of control, of needing things to be a certain way? How does my partner show up? Is my partner showing up with patterns she created in her past? Certain family dynamics that shaped her at a young age? Is she showing up to me with those patterns?

02:04

or she's showing up with a mindset of love, growth, honesty. And let's not forget fun. My dad, of all people, because he has some serious habits and patterns in his life, he told my sister, I don't know if he told me, I think he told my sister, but it's a thing that we bring up every now and then in the family where he said, you know, Amanda, everything's a pattern, everything's a circle. When it comes to our habits, seems to be the case, seems to be true.

02:34

When we're unconscious, as can happen with anybody, even the most serious meditators in the world, we find ourselves at the end or the beginning or the middle of a habit. We ask, how the hell did I get here again? Some of us might believe we have no control, that this is just how it is, this is just my life, and it's your fault. It's her fault, it's his fault, it's their fault that I'm acting this way.

03:17

Patterns are a part of life. And to try to say that we should be devoid of patterns, goes against human nature, goes against nature itself. Look at the sun, look at the moon. They rise and they fall, usually around the same spot in the sky depending on the time of year. It rains, it's sunny, trees grow leaves and the leaves fall down to the ground and nourish the soil and the soil nourishes the tree. The tree makes new leaves.

03:47

The leaves fall down and nourish the soil. Our bodies, we inhale. Our lungs fill with air and pulls oxygen into our bloodstream. And we exhale that carbon dioxide. We inhale again. Our digestion, we get hungry. We eat food. Food goes in, it's digested, and it comes out as poop. It's all cycles. Everything is patterns. Experts will tell you it's good to have a healthy routine, a healthy pattern.

04:18

So how does Buddhism or mindfulness, present moment awareness, play a part in any of this? A friend and I were talking, and this is one of my best friends in the whole world, and my friend had been at the bar, just taking a little bit of me time, doing some journaling, reading some self-help books, trying to just figure out how they were feeling, what was going on with them. And I met up with them after they'd done this soul-searching session.

...

Next Episode

Buddhism & Leading by Example

00:01

When you do something, you should burn yourself up completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself. Shunryu Suzuki

00:25

Welcome friends and travelers along the path. This is the imperfect Buddhist. I'm your host, Matthew Hock Mahoney, and today's episode is titled Buddhism and Leadership, leading by example and the ripple effect.

01:07

Leading by example can have profound impacts on our relationships, our spiritual development, and the world around us. In a time where so many people, including myself sometimes, want to inspire action in others around them through using force or coercion of some sort, or I guess telling other people how to think and act. I believe leading by example is the ultimate way to make change in the world.

01:36

This is something that I've been thinking about quite a bit lately, especially with all of the political unrest and people screaming at each other across the aisles on how we should think about gay rights or how we should deal with women's rights and their right to bodily autonomy with abortion. Bud Light in an attempt to appeal to a different demographic, adding certain controversial imagery.

02:06

and messaging to their cans and being ostracized by both sides of the argument.

02:15

with things like climate change and starting to think a little bit about how can I play a part in changing people's thoughts around me that don't agree with me. My uncle Tim, for instance, I visited with him on 4th of July and he has some very strong opinions about climate change, that it is a conspiracy, that all climate scientists or the ones that are reporting on this are actually funded by the government. And so how can I get him to see things the way that I see them? How can I get him to see?

02:44

The science that says, Uncle Tim, our oceans are hotter than they've ever been. Uncle Tim, we've never seen weather patterns like this ever. Uncle Tim, how are they keeping it quiet that certain scientists have been receiving this money? I wanna go into this argument and start to tell him how to think about the subject. So I started thinking more about what does leading by example mean in this situation? Segment one.

03:12

the desire to change others and leading by example.

03:22

It's pretty normal to wanna change others instead of leading by example. Maybe it takes less energy or we have the illusion that it takes less energy that if I could just lambast my Uncle Tim, bludgeon him to fucking death with scientific data. The numbers, Uncle Tim's go to the beach, let's go to the water. Dip your toes in, how hot does it feel? Tim, I want you to see things the way that I see them.

03:49

Maybe it's for some fucked up reason of control. Maybe it's for some other daddy issue. Or maybe it's because I truly care about the environment and I'm freaked out by what's happening and someone I love, my uncle Tim, doesn't see it. And it scares me that he doesn't see it. And I want someone I love to see it and to work with me to make a better situation. Maybe it's easier for me to

04:18

Point out to Uncle Tim all this stuff and talk about the science, talk about the data, because it's really hard for me to look at my own life and see how am I playing a part in making the situation worse? How am I a contributor to climate change? What are the things that I'm doing or that I could change that would make the situation better? Why do I want to control? Why do I want to bludgeon with my ideas, convince, influence? What are these desires?

04:48

where actions come from. Looking inside, they come from a strongly held belief, one that I am certain is correct. So there might be the desire to have someone I love or care about see something the way that I see it. Why is that important? Because if they don't believe what I believe, maybe that means they're lower intelligence and I just can't stand for that. Or maybe it's some type of ego gratification where

05:14

If they're disagreeing with me, then maybe that means I'm wrong somehow and I can't stand for that. And it's also an attachment to a certain outcome. I want the earth to sustain life, human life. I want that. I desire that. I will fight for that. And it's not such a bad attachment, but in Buddhism it is an attachment. And maybe some would say it is a wish for well-being of others, a form of metta, form of love. And that could also be true.

05:43

But only we can know by seeing ourselves truly. Trying to change others through force has its limitations. How about you? Someone says, hey, Sarah, hey, Mike, hey, John, hey, Christy. Hey, Matt, you're doing that wrong. This is the way to do it. I can't believe you ever tried it that way. Let me show you the right way to do it. And I never want to see you do it that way ever again. You're an idiot for thinking that. What does that bring up ...