The Head Trash + Healing Show with Alexia Leachman

In this podcast I thought I’d spend a bit of time talking about how head trash might show up in your life and to help you to trace it back to its roots cause and what you can do about it.

Today I’m going to talk about something that I think we all feel at some point... feeling trapped. What is that all about then? And is there anything that can be done about it?

Well, yes there is something you can do about it. If you’re feeling trapped for whatever reason... maybe in your job, in a relationship, or in the town that you live in... then NEWSFLASH!! ... it’s just a feeling. You’re not ACTUALLY trapped. Unless you're locked in a cell or a cage, or tied to a wall, then your feelings of being trapped, are just that... FEELINGS. And the great thing about feelings is that we can change them. But I’m not talking about positive thinking stuff.. I’m talking about some rewiring of thought.. some repatterning!

If you’re feeling trapped, then it’s likely that one of your key values in life is freedom. You LOVE freedom, and so you HATE being trapped. The thing is, these are natural opposites and so the love for one will feed the hate of the other. And the more you love one, the more you’ll hate the other.

Why? Newtons 3rd Law of course!

Newton's 3rd Law states that: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

This means that for every force there is a reaction force that is equal in size, but opposite in direction. That is to say that whenever an object* pushes another object* it gets pushed back in the opposite direction equally hard.

*objects are matter and matter is energy, and I'm talking about emotional energy so the same universal law applies

So how do you get out of this mess? Well the answer is to clear the excessive emotional energy that currently exists at both ends. Or to put it another way, to create neutrality.

Neutrality is the absence of emotionally charged negative thoughts, feelings and emotions... giving you freedom choice and flexibility.

Practically, that means using our 5 Step Head Trash Clearance Methodto clear FREEDOM and TRAPPED... it’ll probably take you around 45 minutes... but could be one of the most transformational 45 minutes you’ve ever spent.

But, doing this might not totally resolve your problem because you might have some value conflicts going on too. Specifically you might have a value conflict involving freedom....

Family is often on a direct collision corse with freedom for some people... their need for freedom is so strong that some people check out of the family set up, just to FEEL free.

Success requires knuckling down and doing the work, which might mean compromising on your freedom in the short term... but if freedom wins short term, then success might never succeed.

Some people are afraid of commitment because they value freedom so much, and yet love is really important to them, but freedom wins short term and love is never given the space to grow... and yet true love ultimately means freedom but their fear or hate of being trapped prevents them from ever getting to that place.

If you think you have value conflicts then you need to neutralise your values (and their opposites using the 5 step process and that will enable you to find a way forward that enables your values to exist collaboratively rather than competitively.

art of giving

Anger is a nightmare for many

• you don’t have to worry about other people
• you get to do what you want
• you look after your own needs
• you don’t waste time doing things that you don’t like or need to do
• your days are your own and you get lots of ME time
• other people around you learn to toughen up and get on with things
• it shows self love and respect
• you don’t have to spend time with people you don’t want
• your selfishness teaches others how to be selfish - you're a role model!
• you get to keep more of your money
• you have more time to yourself
• you don’t have to put up with watching crappy films or TV shows
• people stop asking you to do stuff, because they know you’ll probably say no

• your time is never your own - you’re too busy doing stuff for other people
• you have less money for yourself because you spend money on others “being generous"
• people start to expect your generosity and
• you start attracting selfish types and takers
• people start to advantage of you
• you attract people who want your money/what you offer and are not there for you
• you’re being generous for your own emotional needs, so it’s actually quite selfish
• you find it hard to say no
• you’re constantly buying gifts for other people.. although the gesture might be appreciated, they might be gifts they probably don’t even want... you’re contributing to waste
• if you’re generous to expect back, then you’re definitely selfish!
• If you’re being generous to show that you have money, then you’re insecure... especially if you can’t really afford that round of champagne

Most of us understand what it means to love another person. The emotional investment coupled with feelings of intense desire and admiration is familiar territory for us. In fact, we consciously take time to nurture and develop our live with others... we say nice things, we offer gifts, we do nice things, and importantly we let them know how we feel. But loving ourselves? Some people just find that plain weird.

So what is self love? Well, maybe we should start with what ISN’T self-love...

Here are some tell tale signs of not loving ourselves

• regular negative self talk
• putting ourselves down with talk of discouragement and
• you push yourself to do things you don’t like doing
• you become angry at yourself when you make mistakes
• you are critical about yourself; your body, your decisions, your behaviour, the way you look, your choices
• you tend to put others first
• you find it hard to speak up for yourself
• you find it hard to exercise, eat well, or break bad habits.
• you don’t look after yourself - No concern for your outward appearance: Putting on dirty clothes, skipping showers, or just plain looking like a mess.
• you feel insecure when other people are doing well: perhaps getting offended or feeling bad somehow when other people have what you want

Self-love is a combination of self-acceptance, self-awareness, and kindness and respect for ourselves. Self-love is both an idea, a concept in our minds that we are worthy of self respect and gentleness, and an action; treating ourselves with compassion and love.

This all sounds fine and dandy, but how on earth do we turn things around?

On a conscious level, you can begin by

• Spend some time coming up with a list of all the things that make you awesome and brilliant... ask your friends and family!
• Remember to take the time to celebrate your successes, no matter how small... just remember not to fall into the trap of ‘rewarding’ yourself with takeaways, junk food, excessive alcohol on a regular basis, because that is probably more about a LACK of self love.
• Do things that make you feel amazing
• Come up with some positive affirmations and cite them regularly to yourself
• Catch yourself saying the negative things, and re-write your internal script

But, as you will know if you follow this blog and podcast, I’m more interested in how we can dive down deep into the subconscious and do a bit of rewiring... all this conscious action can take a while to take effect and I'm a bit impatient. So I prefer to take the shortcuts even if I pick up a few scratches along the way!

Of course, what I’m about to suggest will involve using our 5 Step Head Trash Clearance Method, so if you haven’t grabbed your copy yet, do it now.

This is important if you’re to make any progress. Here is a list of things that you could start by working on using the 5 Step Head Trash Clearance Method

• love,
• loving myself , self love
• respect,
• respecting myself, self respect
• acceptance
• self acceptance
• kindness, being kind
• putting myself/one’s self first

Put some time aside to sit in front of a mirror. Look yourself in the eyes and simply say to yourself “I love you”. Keep repeating this and notice what you feel. You might find this quite hard and it might even make you cry. But stay with it. Even if you just do this, you’ll be making progress, but I want you to take this further.

Notice what you’re feeling when you say this to yourself. What is the resistance that is popping up into your head? Notice the phrases that appear in your mind. Also, notice where your feelings are showing up in your body. Then I want you ‘catch’ what you’re thinking and feeling and add that to the list of things you need to clear using the 5 step process. You might want to start by putting all of these thoughts and feelings in an imaginary bucket and then refer to the bucket contents as THIS and simply add THIS to your list - your subconscious will know what you mean, but be sure to bring all of THIS to your mind when you’re working on it.

Once you’ve cleared THIS, repeat the process again and notice the difference. Notice what’s changed in your mind and your body. The more you go through this, the more easy it will be to identify the dominant thoughts and feelings tha...