The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

This week I am busting divorce myths with my guest, Eric Broder. Eric is a divorce and family attorney, and co-founding member and partner at Broder Orland Murray &DeMattie LLC. In this episode, Eric and I bust myths about no-fault law, modern parenting agreements, assets, and whether or not getting a job will impact your divorce settlement. That’s just some of what we discuss — we cover a lot of ground!

When it comes to divorce advice, everyone has an opinion. In fact, there may be things you have heard or even believed about divorce that aren’t actually true. One of the biggest lessons we uncover in this episode is this: “Don’t get your divorce advice from cocktail talk. Instead, consult with an attorney.”

But first, listen to this podcast episode!!

Show Highlights

• We get right to it and begin busting myths about alimony. (3:47)
• The importance of consulting with an attorney within your state. (6:28)
• Myths surrounding no-fault law. For example, fault in some states can matter. (6:57)
• For stay at home moms, will getting a job prior to divorce impact your settlement? Eric shares his thoughts. (13:43)
• Eric answers, “Are assets always divided equally?” (17:49)
• Prenups: what people think they are versus what they actually are. (21:01)
• The truth about joint custody, full parenting time, and other parenting plans. (28:52)
• Myths about abandonment of property and moving out prior to divorce. (38:48)

Learn More About Eric:

Eric is a co-founding member and partner at Broder Orland Murray &DeMattie LLC. He is an AV PreeminentTMrated attorney by MartindaleHubbell®, the highest possible rating in both legal ability and ethical standards, earned through a strenuous pier and judicial review procedure. He has also been designated a “Top Lawyer” in Family Law, Matrimonial, Arbitration, and Mediation in Westport, Greenwich, NewCanaan/Darien, and Fairfield Magazines. Eric has been selected as a Connecticut Super Lawyers®in Family Law each year from 2013 to 2020.Each year no more than 5% of the lawyers in the state are selected to receive this honor. Eric’s AVVOTMrating is 10 out of 10.

Resources & Links:

Eric’s website: Broder Orland Murray &DeMattie LLC Our Happy Divorce Weekly Live Stream with Ben Heldfond, Kate Anthony, and Susan Guthrie: Every Monday at 5pm ET/2pm PT - Join us!

JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

This week I am talking with Meredith Shirey about the do’s and don’ts of therapy - individual and couples therapy alike. Meredith is licensed in New York and Tennessee as a Marriage and Family Therapist is a Clinical Fellow member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and the founder of Meredith Shirey Marriage and Family Therapy, PLLC. In this episode we explore the complexities of therapy including how to know if you should explore individual therapy versus couples therapy, how being disingenuous can sabotage your goals for therapy, codependency, and so much more.

Show Highlights

• When to choose to go to individual therapy versus couples therapy. (6:46)
• Why you should have a consultation with a therapist you're interested in potentially working with and talk about your options. (7:06)
• When going to couples therapy, be sure your therapist is trained specifically in working with couples. (7:55)
• Do you feel like you're going to be able to be completely honest about what you need and how you're feeling in front of your partner and the therapist? If the answer is no, don't do couples therapy. (10:08)
• What to do when you are in therapy and know your partner is not being honest. (24:30)
• The stigma around codependency. (26:56)
• How to get to the point where you are ready to say, “I want to take back my power and create a strategy for myself that focuses on me instead of my partner’s issues.” (34:06)
• The do’s and don’ts of couples therapy. (36:23)

Learn More About Meredith:

Meredith is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in relationally-based issues, and the founder of her NYC based private practice. She is a host of the podcast, "Love Me or Leave Me," and a Topic Expert for Goodtherapy.org. She has written for numerous platforms and has contributed to articles featured on The New York Times, Today.com, and NBC.com on guidelines for difficult conversations, communication tips for couples, and guidance for couples planning to cohabitate or marry.

Meredith's approach to psychotherapy is an integrated approach that includes Attachment theory, Emotionally-Focused Therapy, with notes of Psychodynamic theory. She values a holistic approach and understanding how the past impacts what we experience in the present.

Resources & Links:Visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-dos-and-donts-of-couples-therapy-with-meredith-shirey for clickable links

Meredith’s websiteMeredith on FacebookMeredith on InstagramMeredith’s podcast, Love Me or Leave MeDonate to the Thrive Fund Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)DSG Episode: How to Choose a Good Therapist

Our society has conditioned us to think that money is gendered and that men are more competent when it comes to matters of money. Further, society tells us that women, because we're “nurturing or caretaking” are not strong enough to handle money. Amanda Steinberg joins me to turn that idea on its head, talk about women’s financial empowerment, and share a roadmap so you can become financially free.

Amanda’s founded multiple businesses in finance, media, and politics. In 2009, she founded DailyWorth, a startup focused on women’s financial independence and grew its audience and email list to 1.2M email subscribers.

I believe you’ll get a lot from our conversation. But if there is one thing you gain from this episode, I hope it’s this: your thoughts and feelings of powerlessness about money are not your fault. As Amanda shares in this episode, “You were socially conditioned to think that you're bad with money. That is how everyone got to continuously take advantage of you for most of your life. And honestly, how you also got rewarded and praised for being a good girl. So don't beat yourself up.”

Phew. What a relief, right?

Show Highlights

• What led Amanda to create a company that focuses on women’s financial independence. (5:26)
• Amanda shares her own story around money, which started at the age of six. (6:43)
• We have collective money stories and then we have individual stories. (9:21)
• Amanda’s thoughts on her vision for men and women during this time of change in which we are liberated from these preconceived notions of who we are supposed to be. (13:57)
• Busting the cultural myth that men are providers and women are caretakers. (15:00)
• Financial advice for women going through divorce. (16:56)
• Amanda created DailyWorth because she wanted to connect women's self-worth to their net worth. (18:29)
• A women’s roadmap to financial independence. (39:17)

Learn More About Amanda:

Amanda’s founded multiple businesses in finance, media, and politics. In 2009, she founded DailyWorth, a startup focused on women’s financial independence and grew its audience and email list to 1.2M email subscribers. After DailyWorth was acquired, she moved into politics as the lead digital fundraiser for Marianne Williamson for President. Today she's the Cofounder of HigherU, a digital training company for social impact entrepreneurs. She lives in Philadelphia with her partner, 2 children, 2 stepchildren, and 2 large Maine Coon cats.

Resources & Links:

HigherU Amanda on Twitter Amanda on Facebook Amanda on Instagram

JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

This week, Dr. Jeannette Lofas joins me to discuss why the step-family unit differs entirely from a traditional family. She explains why the science, rules, and roles of the step-family are uniquely distinct. Dr. Lofas also shares insights and advice about how to make the step-family structure work for your changing family, following divorce and remarriage.

Jeannette Lofas, Ph.D., is a pioneering authority in stepfamily relationships, divorce, remarriage, and children. She is also the founder and president of the Stepfamily Foundation -- the first organization in the world devoted solely to the problems and challenges encountered in step relationships.

Featured topics include:

• The step-family cannot and will not function as an intact family (12:03)
• Why identifying roles in the step-family system and defining rules is important (13:41)
• The role of the step-mother or step-parent (15:24)
• Dr. Lofas shares some of the rules of the step-family (22:19)
• The issue with the phrase “blended family” (28:07)

Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-214-navigating-step-family-relationships-with-dr-jeannette-lofas/ Join me for a special Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event on Friday, May 12th! To secure your spot and get all the details, visit http://kateanthony.com/split. Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist The Stepfamily FoundationDr. Lofas on InstagramDr. Lofas on LinkedIn A Conversation about the film, Split UP: The TEEN Years with Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno

Learn more about Dr. Jeannette Lofas:

Dr. Jeannette Lofas (Ph.D., LCSW) is a therapist specializing in stepfamilies. Dr. Lofas herself is a divorcee, successfully remarried. (She is also a stepchild and a stepmother.) She has been helping stepfamilies for more than four decades and said there is not a question she hasn’t answered.

Dr. Lofas believes that the stepfamily does not and cannot function as a biological family. Author of four books, she has deep and specific knowledge of the science of the stepfamily system where the roles and rules are very different from traditional marriages. More an expert consultant than a traditional therapist, Lofas offers an approach which is actionable, practical and solution based to help you succeed in this different dynamic. She defines responsibilities and contributions for every member of the stepfamily and teaches communication skills, focusing on positivity, manners, visitation, the prior spouse, co-parenting and more. Dr. Lofas believes solutions come from education about how to manage stepfamily relationships – and she speaks to everyone in the family. Lofas is also a Certified Divorce and Co-Parenting Mediator.

Lofas is former TV reporter/film critic for ABC, NBC and CBS.

In her linked in profile she provides some background as to how she became a stepfamily expert:

"When I remarried I found myself lost and in conflict within my own new family. I was amazed to find that my beloved husband sided with his four girls rather than me. Before we got marred his girls and I were best of pals. I was devastated. My husband and I began fighting over his not taking my side, discipline, putting his children before me, and my 10-year-old son.

Dismayed I contacted every therapist in the state and then began to call all over the US. There was no one there. Having come out of TV on air broadcast news and being an experienced interviewer I turned to looking for and talking to others in similar situations. From that information I created my first book. LIVING IN STEP: A Remarriage Manual.

As a result people started asking me for advice. I decided to make a career transition and to counsel people who had remarried with children. My reputation as a writer and counselor spread so that I was invited as a guest on such TV programs as Oprah, Montel Williams, The Today show, CBS Morning News and Fox. I have also been interviewed by periodicals such as the NY Times, The Ladies Home Journal (Woman of the Month) and ...

This week we are talking about the legal aspect of high conflict divorce. When it comes to divorce, what most talk about from a legal sense isn’t applicable to those navigating a divorce with an abuser or high-conflict person. That’s why I asked my good friend, Susan Guthrie, Esq., to come back to the show and share what she knows about legal issues surrounding high-conflict situations.

Divorce is hard, divorce with a high conflict person is a completely different ball game. Listen to this episode to hear how to maneuver the legal system when divorcing an abusive or high-conflict spouse.

Show Highlights

• The tools do not exist in the legal system to change the behavior of a high-conflict person, but there are resources available that can help you protect yourself (6:09)
• High conflict people are unmanageable (11:37)
• Susan answers, “Can you mediate with someone who is actively lying and/or hiding assets?” (14:28)
• Why Susan says a consulting attorney is a necessity for the mediation process (19:01)
• When you are mediating or litigating with a high-conflict person, you move in small, purposeful steps (23:35)
• How to cope when an ex-spouse backs out of mediation at the last minute. Plus, what you can do from a legal perspective (33:48)

Learn more about Susan:

Susan Guthrie, nationally recognized as one of the Top Family Law Attorneys and Mediators in the country, has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for more than 30 years. Susan provides online divorce and legal coaching services to select clients around the world. As a leading dispute resolution professional, Susan is honored to serve on the Executive Council of the American Bar Association’s (ABA) Section of Dispute Resolution as the Budget Officer and to be a Co-Chair of the Advanced Mediation Institute.

In 2021 Susan launched her fresh and inspiring podcast, The Divorce & Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. which debuted on iTunes “Top Podcasts” List for self-help podcasts and which is one of the Top 1.5 % of All Podcasts worldwide! Divorce & Beyond is focused on pulling back the curtain on the mysteries of the divorce process and bringing tips and resources to help people to thrive and shine in their new future beyond divorce.

Susan has been featured in and on media outlets such as CNBC, Market Watch, News Nation, Forbes, the ABA’s Just Resolutions Magazine, Thrive Global, Medium, and many more.

She is licensed to practice law in the States of California and Connecticut as well as before the Supreme Court of the United States.

Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/high-conflict-legal-qa-with-susan-guthrie-esq

Grit and Grace Group Coaching starts on September 15th - Join us! Mosten Guthrie Academy BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict PeopleDSG Abuse Mini-Series: How to Communicate with a High-Conflict Co-Parent with Bill Eddy Get Ready to BIFF Your High Conflict Ex with Bill Eddy on Divorce & Beyond The Incredible Tale of One Mom’s Successful 10-Year Battle to Be Free of a Narcissist with Tina Swithin on Divorce & Beyond

TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM

An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP