The Calm Living Blueprint: Social Anxiety | Anxiety | Stress | Mindfulness | Inner Peace

Is it ever too late?

The other day one of my clients said, “Maybe it’s too late for me.” She felt defeated, like things had never gone right for her and she felt hopeless that things would ever go right for her.

Now, this wasn’t a one-time thought. This particular person had this thought before. I’ve had other clients share similar hopeless thoughts and feelings before. I myself have had these thoughts before.

Maybe you have, too. Maybe you’ve gotten to a place where you start questioning yourself...

Are my best days behind me? Is it too late? Have I missed out on my life? Have I missed my big opportunity? Is the rest of my life just more of the same old same old?

Well, as I told my client: nothing could be further from the truth. And I actually know that to be a fact. And in this podcast episode I’ll share how I know that to be fact and I’ll offer some tips to handle these types of hopeless thoughts and feelings so that they don’t inhibit you from doing what you want to do.

Key Points Re: Ever Too Late

• You are not alone in your doubts and struggles
• For scientific proof check out the Positive Aging Newsletter
• I encourage you to check out the book, The Noticer, by Andy Andrews
• Here’s a quote I love from the book:

If you are breathing, you are still alive. If you are alive, then you are still here, physically, on this planet. If you are still here, then you have not completed what you were put on earth to do . . . that means your very purpose has not yet been fulfilled. If your purpose has not yet been fulfilled, then the most important part of your life has not yet been lived. And if the most important part of your life has not yet been lived . . That is my proof of hope.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

Home Play

To strengthen your resiliency practice elevating your perspective. There’s a significant difference between having big problems and making your problems big. By elevating your perspective you’ll be able to see your problems for what they are: hurdles to be scaled, sure, but not “end of the world” catastrophes that are insurmountable.

Another thing you can do is ask yourself, “Am I letting my situation define me?”

Have you allowed yourself to be defined by a past event in your life? And is that definition holding you back from being the person you want to be?

Focus on what’s in your control. Why waste your energy complaining about what you can’t do, don’t want or can’t have? Make the most of what you can do with the resources you currently have.

And, finally, don’t go it alone. Research shows that people who have stronger support networks cope better in difficult times. Don’t let false pride, timidity, or trying to avoid appearing needy keep you from reaching out, sharing what you’re dealing with and asking for support. It could literally add years to your life.

So if you don’t have that in your life right now, if you don’t have a support system, seek it out. That’s one of the big reasons why I created the Calm Living Blueprint – to create a safe, non-judgemental community of people who can support each other.

Join our private Facebook group for a safe place to come and to be around people who “get it.”

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Okay, fess up. We all do it. I’m talking about comparing ourselves to others.

Yeah. You ever catch yourself doing that while you’re browsing Instagram or Facebook? When you overhear someone’s good news about a job promotion or a vacation that they are taking?

How does comparing yourself to others make you feel? Generally not good, right? So in this episode we’re going to explore why we compare, how we compare and, most importantly, how to break free from this heartbreakingly futile habit.

Key Points Re: Comparing Yourself to Others

• We look at what others are doing and we wish we were doing that too. We look at how others look and we wish we looked the same way. We look at how others act and we wish we acted the same way.
• And all this comparing just makes us feel bad. It’s one of the most common reasons why people are not content with their lives – because we compare ourselves so much to others.
• What we don’t consider or realize, however, is that the truth is we’re comparing ourselves to an ideal, a fantasy. We’re comparing ourselves to something that doesn’t even exist, an illusion our mind has created.
• What is going to serve you better? Wishing you were someone else or loving where you are, loving what you are doing and loving who you are with?
• And think about what we are doing, too, to the person we compare ourselves to... in a sense, we’re doing them a disservice, aren’t we? We end up feeling resentful towards not only ourselves, but towards them, too. A comparison is a type of judgement. We’re judging them. And when we judge someone are we truly loving them?
• How to break free from this habit:
  • Bring awareness
  • Pause
  • Shift your focus
  • Accept
  • Find inspiration
• There’s a freedom in knowing – in truly knowing – that what we have, who we are – is already enough.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

Home Play

Be aware. Pause. Shift your focus. Accept. Find inspiration.

Catch yourself the next time you’re comparing yourself to others and practice these simple steps.

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I want to know what you thought about this episode. Leave me a review on iTunes or send me a message on the Calm Living Blueprint Facebook Page (are you a fan yet? If not, what are you waiting for, come join our community).

Have you ever blushed?

Of course you have. We all blush.

There’s nothing wrong with blushing however blushing can become a concern when we feel anxious about blushing. We’re afraid of blushing or when we blush we get anxious about blushing and that just further adds to our overall anxiety.

So this episode is devoted to blushing – specifically how to deal with blushing so that it no longer causes anxiety for you.

Key Points Re: How to Stop Blushing

• Blushing is a common symptom of social anxiety. At its extreme, the embarrassment from blushing can become so bad that the sufferer avoids social contact altogether.
• Not everyone who blushes has social anxiety and not everyone with social anxiety blushes excessively.
• The system that activates blushing is also the same system that is responsible for anxiety – our fight-or-flight system – the system designed to keep you safe from danger by making it easier for you to fight or flee at a moment’s notice.
• Blushing is a completely natural, automatic human response.
• It is this fear of blushing – worrying about it, feeling that it is awful and that others will notice and not approve of us – and the anticipatory anxiety we have about it occurring – that feeds and fuels the act of blushing itself.
• What would happen, if the next time you blushed, you made space for that feeling, you allowed it to happen, you continued right on with what you were doing and saying, you didn’t try to resist it or get caught up in it?
• It’s okay to say, “Oh, I think I may blush now” or “I feel myself going red.” Sometimes holding back the information or trying to hide the fact that you are anxious or embarrassed only makes things worse.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

Home Play

The home play for this week is simply to practice this meditation and reflect upon the points we’ve covered. Apply the techniques you’ve learned in the Calm Living Blueprint to blushing.

You can download the blushing meditation .mp3 here.

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Do you sleep like a baby?

Or... Have you ever found yourself lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and wanting to scream out in frustration because you just can’t fall asleep?

You peak at your alarm clock out of the corner of your eye and it reads 3 o’clock! 3 in the freaking morning... And you have to be up at 6! Now you get even more anxious about not falling asleep, thinking, “I have to fall asleep. I’ve got to get those three hours!”

Yeah, I’ve been there, too.

Insomnia can seem hard to cope with and it can be especially draining when you suffer from anxiety.

So in today’s episode we’re going to cover the top tips and strategies to help you sleep like a baby, even if you experience anxiety.

Key Points Re: Sleep Like a Baby

• Insomnia is defined as the inability to fall asleep, remain asleep or get the amount of sleep an individual needs to wake feeling rested. It may involve waking up frequently during the night, waking up too early in the morning, daytime sleepiness, difficulty concentrating and irritability.
• Insomnia can both cause anxiety and be caused by anxiety. Not to mention, sleep deprivation has been linked to increased rates of depression, obesity, diabetes, cancer and heart disease.
• It’s important to address “timing” when it comes to your sleep (ie giving yourself 3 key “pushes”)
• Association is a powerful force; to address it stick to this rule: there are only 2 things you ever do in bed: sleep and make love.
  • If you are awake in bed for more than 20 minutes, get up and do something boring.
• There are numerous behavioural changes that impact sleep, such as exercise and nutrition

Stay tuned for part II in the next episode.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

Home Play

Your homeplay this week is to start with one of the changes we talked about this episode – whichever one you feel would make the most impact or maybe would be the easiest to get started with.

Our mind and body want to do what they’re used to doing. If you change a little at a time – small steps – and forgive yourself for “messing up” (remember there is no such thing as failure!) the changes will come and you will experience results.

Here’s to a better night’s sleep.

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Let me know how it goes changing your sleeping habits – I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below and tell me about your experience.

Have you had thoughts of suicide?

I want to have an honest conversation about suicide.

I know there’s many people who work in suicide prevention that say you have to be careful about this kind of thing. I get that. But I think sometimes we’re a little too careful... so careful that little ends up being said. People feel like they can’t talk about suicide... or can only do so behind closed doors.

Unfortunately, I think suicide – even now in this day and age – is a taboo topic.

We have to talk about this. How else are we going to help reduce the suicide rates if we don’t have real, honest conversations about suicide?

If you’ve thought about suicide, if you’ve attempted suicide know that you’re not alone.

What if all of us – from the student to the doctor to the artist to the stockbroker to the tech worker to the teacher and on and on – shared our story? Because we do all have a story.

I know for myself and from speaking to clients, people are relieved to know they are not alone.

The fact is anyone can have suicidal thoughts. Anyone. Even the so-called “best of us” or “strongest of us.”

What if being open about suicide could make us stronger?

What if by talking about it we made suicide one of those things that years from now we’ll look back and wonder why we ever whispered about it?

So it’s in that spirit that I want to share my own story with you...

Key Points Re: Thoughts of Suicide

• You are not alone
• Sometimes we can’t possibly imagine the amount of pain that the people around us are in. It’s why we can’t possibly overestimate the importance of kindness and empathy.
• Listening with our hearts matters. Advice rarely matters. Listening to the story that perhaps the individual themselves isn’t even able to tell – that’s what matters.
• The thing with suicide is that even though it seems so personal (and of course it is), it is also part of our collective. Even if it seemingly manifests through one person, it’s carried by our entire community.
• I want you to know that if you feel suicidal it doesn’t mean you are a bad person or weak or flawed in any way. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die. It only means that in this moment you have more pain than you can cope with right now.
• People turn to suicide because they seek relief from pain. That’s why I did... but I want you to remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You can feel relief, but only if you’re alive.
• My experience with suicide has taught me that our greatest needs can also be our greatest strengths... we learn to give that which we need.

Resources to Reach Out To

1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) – National Hopeline Network

1-800-273-TALK (8255) – National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

To find a crisis centre nearest you...

Canada: http://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/

United States: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/our-network/

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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