The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Kids with vulnerable nervous systems often say BIG, hurtful, and scary words. They say things like “I hate you!” or “You hate me!” They sometimes threaten to hurt themselves- or you! Verbal aggression almost always pulls us right onto the watchdog pathway ourselves- which is understandable. Let’s talk about how you might respond if you’re able to hang onto your owl brain.In this episode, you’ll learn

• To stay focused on the level of activation, not the words being said
• What to say (if anything) back to statements like “I hate you,” “I wish you’d never adopted me,” or “I’m going to hurt you.”
• How to start listening for what’s really being expressed

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {EP 155}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/hate

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Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."
You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book
***

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Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

Mindi Kessler, therapist and author of Cycle Breaker: A Guide To Transcending Childhood Trauma. talks about breaking general cycles of abuse and trauma

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What is a trauma reenactment
• How our children trigger our own childhood wounds
• Ways to begin healing ourselves

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Mindi’s new book, Cycle Breaker

• Find on Amazon

Emotional Freedom Techique

• Brad Yates on Youtube

Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/cyclebreaker

Connect with Mindi here:
https://www.mindikessler.com/
https://www.instagram.com/mindikessler/

Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With

The key to true, long-lasting behavior change is actually to stop focusing on behaviors. Stop trying to change them. Stop the charts. Stop the behavior modification. Stop the rewards. Stop the punishments.

Read that again. How does that feel? Like a relief? Like terror??

Both?

Staying focused on behaviors, rewards, consequences, charts, stickers....it’s all just so exhausting. It’s exhausting because it doesn’t really work and because it’s pulling us out of integrity with what’s true. I think all of us have a place inside of us- maybe realllllly buried under a culture of behaviorism- that knows we are really missing the mark when we focus on behaviors.

But, if we stop focusing on behaviors- what do we do instead??? Behavioral techniques offer a bit of safety to the enforcer. They are such clear guidelines, and we like that!!

If we shift our focus on tracking the energy and arousal that underlies the behaviors, we still get to have the safety and structure that a more behavioral approach offered, while also the relief of finally focusing on the real problem.
This episode introduces the concept of tracking arousal instead of behavior.
Read the original blog article and download the arousal tracking PDFs: https://robyngobbel.com/focus-on-arousal-not-behaviors-part-1/
Watch the original Facebook Live: https://robyngobbel.com/course/facebooklives/
New to parenting through the lens of the relational neurosciences? Watch my free, 45-minute introductory video series! https://robyngobbel.com/course/regulationconnectionfeltsafety/

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to talk with kids about tricky topics like
  • Why they were relinquished for adoption
  • Why they can’t see their family
  • Why their family doesn’t want to see them
  • Why their family has gone on to have a new family

Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Marcella’s new podcast! Adoptees Dish

• Listen on Spotify
• Follow on Instagram

Robyn’s podcast series on memory

• https://robyngobbel.com/traumamemorybehavior/
• https://robyngobbel.com/mentalmodels/

Robyn’s eBook and video series on memory

• https://robyngobbel.com/course/traumamemorybehaviors/

Read a summary or the full transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/adoptiontruth

Connect with Marcella here:
https://marcellamoslow.com
On Instagram at @marcellamoslow

Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!
RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."
You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book
***

:::::
Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!
Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!
Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

An episode that explores the behavior of stealing and the underlying factors that contribute to it.

Stealing is a frequent concern among parents and professionals, yet there is a lack of comprehensive resources on the subject. The goal is to provide a single source that explores the behavior of stealing in depth, taking into account the underlying factors that contribute to it.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The underlying causes of stealing
• What to do about stealing
• What it takes to help your child be successful at not stealing

Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Previous episode on the Stress Response System: https://robyngobbel.com/stressresponse/

Read a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/stealing

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With

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The Club is opening our doors and welcoming new members starting Tuesday the 27th! Mark your calendar to go to https://robyngobbel.com/theclub.
The Club is a virtual community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education just for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems and big, baffling behaviors. 24-7 access, HUGE learning library, expert coaches, and amazing parents.

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Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?
Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere