That's So Deep

Hello So Deep Peeps!

Welcome to That’s So Deep. This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Loneliness: What Is It? How Does It Feel? And What Can I Do About It?

Some deep things we cover:

1. What is Loneliness? Mental health professionals define it as the gap between the level of connectedness that you want and what you have. It turns out that loneliness is incredibly subjective.
2. Loneliness is a Distress Signal: Just like hunger tells us we need food and thirst tells us we need water, loneliness tells us we need connection.
3. We Often Don’t Recognize That We Are Lonely: Loneliness is tricky to identify because we have these “weapons of mass distraction” called phones that help us numb out our need for connection.
4. Work Centered Lives vs. People Centered Lives: Our world does not put people first. It puts work first and we are lonelier and sicker than ever. What would our world look like if we truly put people first?
5. Tend and Befriend Instinct: It turns out that in times of distress, people often help one another. Helping others is a great way to cure a lonely heart.

Take-aways:

1. Loneliness is Often Masked by Overwhelm, Boredom or Feeling Unsettled: If you’re scrolling through your phone aimlessly, chances are, you might be lonely. What can you do to feel more connected? What kind of connection are you wanting and how can you achieve that?
2. Lend a Hand When You’re Lonely: Find ways to volunteer or help out a friend when you’re feeling lonely. It turns out that helping someone else feel like they matter helps you feel like you matter.
3. Find Common Ground: If you struggle to find ways to connect with your loved ones, lean hard into the things that you do connect on. By leaning into the areas where you do connect, you are building the groundwork for deeper relationship.

We want to have a conversation with you!
There are many ways to connect with us. Here are some of them:

1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook.
2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod
3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884
4. Email us: [email protected]

If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. How to Know You're Lonely - How to Build a Happy Life | Podcast on Spotify
2. How loneliness is damaging our health
3. Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World - by Murthy MD, Vivek H

Hello So Deep Peeps!

Welcome to That’s So Deep. This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Forgiveness: Why Forgive and Forget is NOT the Goal.

Some deep things we cover:

1. Apologies and Forgiveness are not a Gift Exchange: They are separate processes that happen for people on their own time. They take work, time and patience.
2. Forgiveness is the deliberate decision to release feelings of anger, resentment or vengeance. Forgiveness is work that you do for yourself. It is a pathway to inner peace.
3. Forgive and Forget is not Possible: This saying seems to again highlight our society’s inability to process and integrate unpleasant emotions into our lives. We need a new catchphrase! Forgive and Integrate? Forgive and Flourish? Help!
4. Can Forgiveness Be Just as Compelling as Revenge on TV? We see it in soap operas, in reality TV shows, in movies...why is revenge so compelling? Forgiveness can be sexy too! Forgiveness = The New Revenge?
5. Decision Based Forgiveness & Emotional Forgiveness: What is the difference?
6. What are We Really Asking for When We Ask for Forgiveness?
7. Apologizing and Forgiveness are Key Components of Healthy Relationship With Your Loved Ones: In a healthy relationship, we sometimes need to hold in tension our desire to reconnect and also give space for the other person’s process to forgive.

Take-aways:

1. Forgiveness is not a destination. It is a journey.
2. Forgiveness is an internal pathway to peace.
3. Sometimes when you ask for forgiveness, you may not get it.

We want to have a conversation with you!

There are many ways to connect with us. Here are some of them:

1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook.
2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps & Instagram @thatssodeeppod
3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884
4. Email us: [email protected]

If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. 5 Ways to Forgive People (Even Those Who Don't Apologize) | Savvy Psychologist
2. Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness - Mayo Clinic
3. Forgiveness | Psychology Today
4. What is Forgiveness? (+9 Science-Based Benefits)
5. What Really Feels Better, Forgiveness Or Revenge? New Research Has An Answer
6. Which Is More Empowering, Forgiveness or Revenge? | Psychology Today
7. Oprah Winfrey: FORGIVENESS - Oprah's Super Soul | Podcast on Spotify

Hello So Deep Peeps!

Welcome to That’s So Deep. This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Fake Apologies vs. True Apologies: What’s the Difference?

Some deep things we cover:

1. Fake Apologies: Conditional apologies, blanket apologies, silencing apologies...we’ve heard them all and done them all.
2. True Apologies (according to Dr. Harriet Lerner):
   • Do not include the word "but".
   • Keep the focus on your actions and not on the other person's response
   • Don't overdo.
   • Don't get caught up in who's more to blame or who is right or wrong.
   • Do not serve to silence someone.
3. Apologies are the Beginning of Conversations...not the End.
4. Apologizing to Your Children Builds Connection.

Take-aways:

1. Separate an Apology from Raising an Issue: If you’re going to raise an issue, then raise an issue. That’s okay. If you are going to apologize, then apologize and mean it. Separate the two. These are two different conversations.
2. Apologize When You Feel Remorse and Make it Specific: This is where “fake it ‘till you make it” is not a great plan. If you don’t feel remorse then you have some work to do before you apologize.
3. Apologies are a Gift to the Other Person and to Yourself: When you give a gift, you need to do some work to prepare it. Don’t just throw it in a used grocery bag and toss it to the other person. Take the time to do the emotional work necessary to really prepare the gift for yourself and for the other party. Your relationship will be better for it.

We want to have a conversation with you!

There are many ways to connect with us. Here are some of them:

1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook
2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod
3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884
4. Email us: [email protected]

If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. Harriet Lerner and Brené - I'm Sorry: How To Apologize & Why It Matters, Part 1 of 2 - Unlocking Us with Brené Brown
2. 13 Fake Apologies Used By Narcissists | Psychology Today
3. Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts: Lerner PhD, Harriet
4. Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work and What Will: Tsabary, Dr. Shefali

Hello So Deep Peeps!

Welcome to That’s So Deep. This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about What We Can Learn From Our Regrets.

Some deep things we cover:

1. Reclaiming Regret: We are joining author Daniel Pink in reclaiming regret as a useful emotion for our humanity.
2. The Beautiful and Ephemeral Quality of Life: Regrets can be painful because there are moments that we cannot get back once they are gone.
3. Phyllis & Julie Get Deep About Their Regrets: We talk about some of our regrets and how these regrets speak to what we value now.
4. Abandoning Our Sisterhood for Bad Romance: We explore the messages that have reinforced the lie that our value lies in the eyes of men instead of in our own hands.
5. We Discuss the 4 Types of Regret from Daniel Pink’s Book The Power of Regret: a) Foundation regret b) Boldness regret c) Moral regret d) Connection regret
6. When We Crack Open Our Regrets We Uncover Meaning: Could it be that in exploring our regrets, we find what we value most in life?

Take-aways:

1. Don’t be afraid of regret. Understand that it is a feeling that has evolved with humanity that is supposed to point us toward the most important things in our lives.
2. Look within the regret and find the meaning it is pointing you towards. What do you value now more than ever because of a regret in your life?

We want to have a conversation with you!

The whole point of this podcast is to facilitate and encourage deeper conversations and we want to hear from you! There are many ways to connect with us. Here are some of them:

1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook.
2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on Facebook: @sodeeppeeps & Instagram @thatssodeeppod
3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884
4. Email us: [email protected]

If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. Daniel H. Pink: 4 kinds of regret -- and what they teach you about yourself | TED Talk
2. The Power of Regret - Brené Brown
3. REGRET: What if we'd done things differently? - We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle | Podcast on Spotify
4. Top five regrets of the dying | Death and dying | The Guardian
5. Kathryn Schulz: Don't regret regret | TED Talk
6. Regrets, I Have A Few | Hidden Brain : NPR

Hello So Deep Peeps!

Welcome to That’s So Deep. This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Vulnerability - Part 1: What it is and What it isn’t (based on work by Brene Brown)

Some deep things we cover:

1. TW: Phyllis and Julie share some raw thoughts and feelings after the school shooting in Uvalde. Please take care of yourselves and skip the first 8 minutes of the podcast if you need some space to process.
2. There is No Courage Without Vulnerability: Brene Brown defines “vulnerability” as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.
3. Vulnerability in the Workplace: Being invulnerable at work can hamper connection with coworkers and yet being overly vulnerable can hijack productivity. Vulnerability can be appropriate in a work setting with the right boundaries.
4. Vulnerability Without Boundaries is Not Vulnerability.
5. The Messy House: Sometimes when we are overwhelmed we are a bit like a messy house. We overshare because we don’t have a good grasp on our “stuff” so it can spill out onto people.
6. The Mask: What is the mask we put on to protect ourselves instead of showing up as our authentic selves?
7. You Don’t Need to Cry to be Vulnerable
8. The Color Spectrum of Authenticity: If we imagine ourselves as a color, showing up as our authentic selves can mean showing up in a different shade depending on the relationship and the moment.

Take-aways:

Vulnerability = Sharing with Boundaries + Intention of Connection
Remember that vulnerability is not emotional dumping or oversharing. Before you share something personal figure out your intention. Is what you’re about to share something that will help build a stronger connection with your friend? And is this relationship an appropriate one to share at this level of depth?

Connect with us!

1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook.
2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod
3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884
4. Email us: [email protected]
Be sure to RATE and REVIEW if you liked this podcast. You can also FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend. If you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. "Vulnerable" - Merriam-Webster
2. Taken for Granted: Brené Brown on What Vulnerability Isn't (transcript) | TED
3. Brené Brown on What Vulnerability Isn't - Taken for Granted

Ways to advance solutions to end gun violence:

1. Urge your senators to pass gun safety legislation now. Moms Demand Action has a form you can fill out and the message will go directly to a senator in your state.

2. Donate to any of the following organizations:

• Moms Demand Action
• Everytown for Gun Safety
• Brady Campaign