Tentpole Trauma

Seemingly doomed from the start, the sixth installment of the famed Halloween series, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, shaped up to be a rotten pumpkin for fans when it hit theaters in 1995. Helmed by Joe Chapelle and written by super fan Daniel Farrands, the film added a ludicrous backstory for the iconic slasher, suffered the real life death of mainstay Donald Pleasence, and featured a baffling debut performance by future Ant-Man Paul Rudd. Join Sebastian, Matt, and the Grindbin podcast’s Bobby as they cast the runes, weather the curse of Thorn and suffer through two versions of this franchise altering trainwreck.

With a director at the height of his game and a star at the early peak of his fame, Blow Out, directed by Brian De Palma and starring John Travolta, was poised to be one of the big hits of 1981. But despite being a rock solid re-imagining of Michelangelo Antonioni’s Blow Up and a nail-biting thriller in its own right, the film blew a flat tire at the box office. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they comb the audio files for clues as to why this clever and suspenseful neo noir failed to blow up commercially.

The Blade franchise was rolling full force when the third entry, helmed by writer David S. Goyer, hit theaters in 2004. Rumors of star Wesley Snipes’ unhappiness with the franchise’s new direction — namely adding hot young stars Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel to the cast as usurping vampire hunters — plagued the production, and the resulting film flopped with fans and staked out diminished box office returns. Join Sebastian, Jennifer and Fear of a Black Movie Critic’s VQ as they drag this tonally confused bloodsucker into the light and ask themselves the eternal question — is this the worst Dracula ever put on film?

Many expected that James Cameron’s long promised adaptation of the famed manga Battle Angel Alita would never materialize, but when the megastar director conceded the reigns to Robert Rodriguez, the project was at last brought to life. Sadly, the uncanny valley effect of the film’s bug-eyed CG protagonist did not entice large audiences, and while well regarded by fans of the manga, the response was not effusive enough to guarantee the sequel promised in the film’s ending. Join Sebastian, Chris and Rodney as they strip this cyborg for parts and debate if there’s still a way forward for this cyberpunk wannabe franchise.

Horror remakes were all the rage by the mid 2000s, so a remake of the seminal folk horror classic The Wicker Man was all but inevitable. Armed with a crazy Nic Cage performance and seasoned indie director Neil LaBute at the helm, the 2006 reimagining was set to catch fire at the box office but fizzled instead, failing to justify its hefty 40 million dollar budget. Join Sebastian, Jennifer and Troy as they travel to Summer’s Isle to reevaluate this much maligned effort and sacrifice their sanity in worship of the modern era’s most bizarre and fascinating remakes.