Tell The Others

One of the most common questions I get is from parents is - “how do I deal with a child who is refusing to go to school?”

If it's a 6 year old starting school, or a 12 year old not getting out of the car, or a 16 year old refusing to get out of bed....most parents can attest to the frustration and sadness that comes when your child refuses to go to school.

I have personal experience with this with my own kids, and I can feel it in my bones when another parent is sharing their painful drop off story: “he was biting me, she was punching me, she was laying on the floor sobbing and I just had no idea what to do, he had to be pulled off me, he has missed 3 months of school so far this year.”

I think it taps into our sense of helplessness as a parent....that deep knowing in those desperate moments. Parents have told me, ‘I actually can’t force them to do this. I can be patient and empathetic, and then if that doesn’t work, I can even try bribing, threatening, or shaming...but nothing works.’

It is exhausting to fight the battle of school every morning and often leaves the parents ALSO in tears, and an overwhelming sense of failure, frustration and sadness. I hear you!

That’s why on last night’s Q&A call, we spent the bulk of the call talking about school refusal, what to do, and how to handle it.
I called in some amazing colleagues and friends of mine, Kristi de Young, and Anne Muscatello to discuss it with me. Kristi spent around 15 years working as a school psychologist , and is now in private practice. She says on the call, that about 50% of her job as a school psych was in supporting students who didn’t want to be at school. It is SUCH a common occurrence, and we want you to know you are not alone!

Kristi shares her insight and wisdom when it comes to older kids, and Anne shares her tips for younger kids. Whatever age your child is, when it comes to school drop off, we got you covered in this call with all the brain science of whats actually going on in your child’s brain at drop off, what you can be doing to best support them, and the common mistakes we often make when it comes to drop offs.

I hope this call is helpful to you, and I want you to know that youre not alone in this, if you are battling every morning with a little person or a big person who just.does.not.want.to.go.
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Timecodes
[3:45] - Heidi's own school refusal experience
[5:01] - The question Heidi tackles
[9:55] - Leave quickly, or stay longer?
[11:30] - Changes in your child's brain during dropoff
[13:31] - What's the real goal of a drop

--
If you'd love more in-depth parenting strategies that actually work with strong-willed and neurodivergent kids, Prism Perspective is exactly what you need.
No more walking on eggshells 🥚 in your own home, or pulling your hair out when generic positive parenting just adds fuel to an already blazing fire!
Learn more about Prism and discover the community where strong-willed, SPICY kids are understood... and FINALLY get the parenting tools that work (with the support you need) 👇
https://heidilinks.com/prism-pod-pp
--
If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.
It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child 🙂
--
Connect With Me
YouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-yt
Facebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fb
Instagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ig
Speaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking

The loss of a loved one creates a new kind of 'normal' and introduces us to a kind of suffering that we have never known.
Join me as I speak with special guest Brendan Murray as he opens up about his experiences with death and the loss of his parents. For anyone dealing with the loss of a loved one, Brendan shares some techniques to cope with grief and loss to help you get back to life.
What to expect from the episode:

• Feelings and vulnerability in grief
• How does losing someone you love affect you?
• Describing the pain of losing someone
• Cultivating a positive outlook after losing a loved one
• Why is it hard to accept someone's death?
• Do you ever recover from losing a loved one?
• The power of choosing positive emotion
• Negative mindsets: blame and regret will hold you back from being happy
• How to train your brain to focus on what you can control
• Techniques and goals for growth

Shownotes:
[02:37] What Heidi noticed about Brendan when his parents passed away
[05:04] How Brendan copes with grief and loss
[08:12] Is it true that “everything happens for a reason”?
[11:14] How do you reconcile grief?
[12:47] An analogy for explaining death
[15:10] Can you feel the presence of a loved one who passed away?
[19:19] You get to choose how you feel
[21:42] The importance of recognizing your emotions
[25:19] Describing the feeling of losing someone you love for the first time
[27:08] Does dealing with death get easier?
[33:57] Overcoming regret and self-blame
[37:25] The importance of focusing on what you can control
[45:05] “When you stop growing you start dying”
[48:13] Ninety seconds is all it takes to identify an emotion
[49:41] Build momentum to create a force for good in your life
[51:17] Byron Katie's Four Questions
[55:20] Heidi's first Tony Robbins experience
[1:01:16] Tony Robbins’ work and its impact on Brendan and Heidi
[1:05:41] “Knowledge isn't power, execution is where the power lies”
[1:07:19] Opportunity to demonstrate change

Connect with Brendan

Website: https://halcyonpw.com.au/

--
If you'd love more in-depth parenting strategies that actually work with strong-willed and neurodivergent kids, Prism Perspective is exactly what you need.
No more walking on eggshells 🥚 in your own home, or pulling your hair out when generic positive parenting just adds fuel to an already blazing fire!
Learn more about Prism and discover the community where strong-willed, SPICY kids are understood... and FINALLY get the parenting tools that work (with the support you need) 👇
https://heidilinks.com/prism-pod-pp
--
If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.
It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child 🙂
--
Connect With Me
YouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-yt
Facebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fb
Instagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ig
Speaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking

Heidi joins writer, podcaster and creator Tom Ahern in this wide ranging discussion on religion, psychedelics, ego, EMDR, toxic masculinity and the art of becoming a better listener.
What to expect from the episode:
What makes listening the most challenging skill to learn?
Ways to become a better listener
Why is validation important?
Why do some people not want to listen and seem to be just waiting for their turn to speak?
Why having an ego isn't always a bad thing
How can you help others in their own journey to self knowledge?
Psychedelic mushrooms
How does religion play a role in society?
How to deal with anger?
Show notes:
[03:15] Some experiences of Tom’s mind-blowing podcast with his guests
[08:15] What are the characteristics of an effective listener?
[10:24] The power and influence of mirroring behaviours
[11:10] Do people need to be validated?
[11:38] People don't really listen, they just wait for their turn to talk
[14:20] What is ego
[17:15] “I am...” - Establishing your sense of self
[18:54] What happens when we label ourselves?
[21:00] The influence of self perception and how it manifests in our daily lives
[24:58] Tom’s experience of identity formation
[29:24] Gender norms - mental health and toxic masculinity
[31:21] Tom's advice to his younger self
[43:25] Advice for anyone lacking motivation
[54:42] How mind expansion is simultaneously good and bad
[1:03:21] The feeling of being loved despite of your imperfections
[1:05:43] What makes someone a bad person?
[1:13:30] Argument: Different views of religions and beliefs
[1:16:08] Original sin - doctrine that says that everyone is born sinful
[1:20:21] Kids need to know appropriate ways to deal with their anger
[1:22:35] How to understand and recognize your anger
Connect with Tom:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tom.ahern
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tombahern
Medium: https://medium.com/@tom.ahern
YouTube: https://bit.ly/2shhVqM
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-mind-mate-podcast

--
If you'd love more in-depth parenting strategies that actually work with strong-willed and neurodivergent kids, Prism Perspective is exactly what you need.
No more walking on eggshells 🥚 in your own home, or pulling your hair out when generic positive parenting just adds fuel to an already blazing fire!
Learn more about Prism and discover the community where strong-willed, SPICY kids are understood... and FINALLY get the parenting tools that work (with the support you need) 👇
https://heidilinks.com/prism-pod-pp
--
If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.
It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child 🙂
--
Connect With Me
YouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-yt
Facebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fb
Instagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ig
Speaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking

Cancer. Depression. Prison. Anxiety. Anorexia. Addiction. Autism Spectrum.

No matter the illness, diagnosis, or challenging behavior... when a family has a child who demands more parental attention than others, it can cause lifelong damage to family relationships – IF – parents don’t take steps to validate the experience and acknowledge the needs of the siblings.

Parents I’ve worked with in the past have told me that being the parent of a child who is unwell or has challenging behaviors is “overwhelming and often feels impossible to get it ‘right’. I need to be there for him constantly, and as a result, I feel like I neglect his sisters”.

I’ll hear things like:

“If I’m not in hospital with her, I want to be sleeping or with my other kids. But when I’m at home, I feel guilty I’m not in the hospital.”

Or:

“His explosive meltdowns are so deafening it’s like the entire family must revolve around him. Everything is a drama for him, so we’re constantly devoting 80% of our attention just to manage and try to prevent an outburst.”

I’ve worked with clients who either were the ‘sick kid’ or the sibling of a child who was sick / needing a lot of parental attention.

The common stories for both revolve around frustration, anger and shame.

If a primary caregiver is regularly absent or preoccupied because they’re caring for a child who requires a lot of attention, it often breeds resentment and fuels feelings of abandonment for other children in the family.

Those feelings of anger are so complex to navigate. The child often feels shame for being angry at their sick sibling.

The key thing is to understand that kids gauge our love based on how much time we spend with them.

If you have a child who requires a significant amount of your attention, either because they’re unwell, or are challenging, and suspect this scenario may be playing out in your household, then you don’t want to miss this Q&A call.

--
If you'd love more in-depth parenting strategies that actually work with strong-willed and neurodivergent kids, Prism Perspective is exactly what you need.
No more walking on eggshells 🥚 in your own home, or pulling your hair out when generic positive parenting just adds fuel to an already blazing fire!
Learn more about Prism and discover the community where strong-willed, SPICY kids are understood... and FINALLY get the parenting tools that work (with the support you need) 👇
https://heidilinks.com/prism-pod-pp
--
If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.
It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child 🙂
--
Connect With Me
YouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-yt
Facebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fb
Instagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ig
Speaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking

It feels like this lockdown has been the most damaging to our collective mental health since the beginning of the pandemic.
The number of clients I’m seeing with increased anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation is off the charts.
So many people are either resuming anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication, or starting it for the first time.
My waitlist is the highest it has ever been, and every therapist I know is in the same situation.
We simply cannot keep up with demand as rolling lockdowns take their toll.
What makes an already challenging situation worse?
The way we treat ourselves, how we judge our responses, criticize our lack of capacity and motivation, and how we aren’t ‘doing enough’.
So many of my clients are unmotivated and scolding themselves for being ‘lazy’.
For not ‘using the time better’ and learning guitar. For living a life that looks nothing like the ones they see when they’re scrolling through Instagram or Facebook.
A lot of the way we feel comes from the hard wiring of our nervous system and how our brain is conditioned to respond to stress.
Instead of pushing against this wiring, I’d like to introduce an alternative approach, where you learn how to understand your mind to start feeling better about lockdown life.
In this recent Q&A call from my parenting program, I dive into why we're so exhausted and how to survive this extraordinarily challenging time.
I hope it helps you cultivate more self-compassion and contributes to a greater sense of wellbeing for you AND your family.
We’re all in this together.

--
If you'd love more in-depth parenting strategies that actually work with strong-willed and neurodivergent kids, Prism Perspective is exactly what you need.
No more walking on eggshells 🥚 in your own home, or pulling your hair out when generic positive parenting just adds fuel to an already blazing fire!
Learn more about Prism and discover the community where strong-willed, SPICY kids are understood... and FINALLY get the parenting tools that work (with the support you need) 👇
https://heidilinks.com/prism-pod-pp
--
If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.
It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child 🙂
--
Connect With Me
YouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-yt
Facebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fb
Instagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ig
Speaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking