42. Tough Love and Managing Complainers | Unapologetic expectations with Jim Adams, MD

Explicit content warning

03/08/21 • 19 min

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Jim Adams, MD is direct, transparent, and unapologetic in his ‘tough love’ management strategy. In this episode, Jim breaks down: how setting expectations early helps to manage complaints later, managing those who degrade social capital, redirecting conflict to mutual benefit, and how understanding what motivates others’ behavior keeps you from taking things personally.

Guest Bio: Jim Adams, MD is professor and chair of the Department of Emergency Medicine at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine. He is also the senior vice president and chief medical officer at Northwestern Medicine.

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🎓 P.S. Yes, this is a CME event!

The Flameproof Course

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For full show notes of this episode and all sorts of other goodies, visit our podcast website

We discuss:

Zen and the art of scheduling [05:30];
Why you might not want to be a complainer [07:05];
The benefit of assuming people are unreasonable and crazy [08:10];
A strategy for handling people who degrade social capital [10:30];
Blend and redirect, a technique for negotiation and collaboration that’ll make you much happier than combat [14:00];
“People are not against you. They're just for themselves.” [16:15].

Awake + Aware | Our 2025 Live Event

🖱️ Website: Awakeandawarebend.com

🎓 P.S. Yes, this is a CME event!

The Flameproof Course

The hidden anti-burnout curriculum we all should have learned in training. Cohort 3 begins Sept 10, 2024. Get the deets

For full show notes of this episode and all sorts of other goodies, visit our podcast website

We discuss:

Zen and the art of scheduling [05:30];
Why you might not want to be a complainer [07:05];
The benefit of assuming people are unreasonable and crazy [08:10];
A strategy for handling people who degrade social capital [10:30];
Blend and redirect, a technique for negotiation and collaboration that’ll make you much happier than combat [14:00];
“People are not against you. They're just for themselves.” [16:15].

Previous Episode

41. Cognitive Reframing | Shifting the approach with addiction, end of life, and catastrophizing

We have a choice in how we perceive and act on any situation. Using that knowledge in an intentional way to shift perspective is at the core of cognitive reframing. Epictetus, the great Stoic philosopher, said it best, "It is our attitude toward events, not events themselves, which we can control."

Guest Bio: Jaime Hope, MD is an attending emergency physician at Beaumont hospital in Detroit, Michigan. She is the author of Habit That!: How You Can Health Up in Just 5 Minutes a Day, leads the Better Health Habits online course, and teaches the Behavior Change and Motivational Interviewing Courses to future physicians at Oakland University William Beaumont School of Medicine.

Awake + Aware | Our 2025 Live Event

🖱️ Website: Awakeandawarebend.com

🎓 P.S. Yes, this is a CME event!

The Flameproof Course

The hidden anti-burnout curriculum we all should have learned in training. Cohort 3 begins Sept 10, 2024. Get the deets

For full show notes of this episode and all sorts of other goodies, visit our podcast website

We discuss:

Reframing, a psychological technique which involves thinking about something from a different perspective [04:30];
How reframing can be used in the ED when you’re engaging with a patient or a patient’s family member who is hostile and upset [07:50];
Discussing comfort measures with the family of a dying patient [12:12];
'Status dramaticus' -- the loud, demonstrative patient who catastrophizes their (often relatively minor) symptoms, triggering irritation for many providers [14:30];
Reframing when treating patients who suffer from addiction [16:30];
Ways to reframe yourself and your job to offset burnout [20:00];
Advice to first year medical students [25:40];
And more.

Next Episode

43. How to Not Take Things Personally

Our ego is always on patrol and, when it’s insulted, watch out! That is the core of what it means to take things personally. In this episode, we break down: how to not take things personally, sustainable happiness, using body language to transform our internal state, why some insults hurt and others do not, and specific scenarios where you might feel insulted (but don’t need to be).

Guest Bio: Frederik Imbo is the founder and head of Imboorling, a company dedicated to improving communication on both the micro and macro levels. Frederik is a formally trained actor with a masters in dramatic arts from the Royal Conservancy in Ghent and was a prolific actor on numerous television series. During his acting career, he began taking roles working in training videos for interpersonal communication. The insights from those role-plays resonated with him and set him on a path of many years of study and training in neurolinguistic programming and nonviolent communication. Over time, fostering communication has become his life focus and led to the founding of Imboorling.

Frederik’s TED talk on how to not take things personally has been viewed 6 million times.

Awake + Aware | Our 2025 Live Event

🖱️ Website: Awakeandawarebend.com

🎓 P.S. Yes, this is a CME event!

The Flameproof Course

The hidden anti-burnout curriculum we all should have learned in training. Cohort 3 begins Sept 10, 2024. Get the deets

For full show notes of this episode and all sorts of other goodies, visit our podcast website

We discuss:

The barrier to sustainable happiness and the technique to overcome that [04:15];
Frederik’s strategies for preparing to speak publicly [06:40];
How becoming a soccer referee helped him strengthen his muscle of not taking things personally [12:04];
What it means if you feel hurt after receiving criticism [15:44];
The fact that thinking negatively is natural [22:46];
What you can do if you’re being dragged down by negative thoughts [24:10];
Body language and how that can affect your mood and self-confidence [26:30];
The difference between being called an orange and being told you’re selfish [28:36]; How Frederik reframes when he feels himself taking something personally [30:20];
A choice -- Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? [36:05]; Using empathy to manage conflict with a consultant in the emergency department [39:45]; Strategies for not taking it personally when you receive a poor patient satisfaction score or Yelp review [44:00]; Handling a scenario where your best friend forgets your birthday [48:45];
Why when giving gifts, be more like of the sun -- not expecting anything in return [52:25];
If Frederik were to design a bumper sticker [55:30];
And More