Sex Help for Smart People
Laura Jurgens, Ph.D.
We all need help with intimacy. Join certified somatic intimacy coach, and former academic scientist, Dr. Laura Jurgens for this myth-busting, de-shaming, inclusive show. She helps you understand socialized shame and sexual repression, distills the latest research, and introduces play-based approaches to growing your capacity for intimacy. Every episode offers an experiential exercise to build skill and confidence. If you want to discover an effective, fun path to better sex and connection, this show is for you. No ads, no product placements. Just free help.
Disclosure: expect explicit content and some swearing!
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Top 10 Sex Help for Smart People Episodes
Goodpods has curated a list of the 10 best Sex Help for Smart People episodes, ranked by the number of listens and likes each episode have garnered from our listeners. If you are listening to Sex Help for Smart People for the first time, there's no better place to start than with one of these standout episodes. If you are a fan of the show, vote for your favorite Sex Help for Smart People episode by adding your comments to the episode page.
Inside a Session on Emotional Desires: Asking For What You Want Without Shame or Blame
Sex Help for Smart People
08/19/24 • 47 min
In this special episode, I let you listen-in on a live session with client Kris (with her permission!). She and I tackle the topic of owning our own emotional desires when we’re in relationship. Think of our emotional desires just like sexual ones. Sometimes we know them, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we want to ask for something, but we don’t really know how to ask. Or how we’re asking isn’t working – the other person isn’t receiving it the way we mean and we need to try something new. Sometimes we think everyone is wired the same way and of course they “should” know what we want...but just like sexual desires, that’s just not true. So we can’t expect everyone to magically know what feels good to us. This is true for sexual and emotional desires. We’re way way more likely to get what we want for both kinds of desires if we are asking clearly and not making anyone wrong – us or them.
Notice how great Kris is at embracing the "no one has to be to blame" part. Please don't expect to be a pro so quickly -- she has done a lot of personal growth work to build her capacity!
To try this out at home:
- Notice what it is you actually want to FEEL – not just the action you want your partner to take, but how you want to feel. Pick one overwhelmingly desired feeling.
- See if you can challenge yourself to make no one wrong – your partner isn’t wrong for not understanding yet and you aren’t wrong for wanting it in the first place.
- Ask how can we use this to connect and learn more about each other? How can I share about myself vulnerably here?
- Assume that one thing you think they need to do isn’t available or is impossible for whatever reason. Try on sentences or alternative things your partner could say or do to help you get the feeling you want anyway. When I say try it on, I mean really imagine it and see how it feels in your body.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
3 Reasons You Have a Hard Time Talking About Sex & How to Overcome Them
Sex Help for Smart People
11/18/24 • 20 min
This episode is for all of you that have a hard time talking about sex, even with your partner. I'll cover the 3 top reasons people struggle to have conversations about sexual desires, needs, and interests. I'll also give you a place to get started in solving these challenges for each one.
From the episode recommendations, here is a link to the blog post from Somatica Institute on my most highly recommended relationship repair process: https://www.somaticainstitute.com/blog/9-steps-to-successful-relationship-repair/
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
Your Options for Help: Coaching vs. Therapy, Plus Pros & Cons of Each
Sex Help for Smart People
09/23/24 • 37 min
This episode covers when to see a therapist and when to seek out coaching, strengths and weaknesses of both (because all modalities have pros and cons), and what to watch out for. I'll also go over different types of therapy and different types of coaching, and which versions are good for what situations and challenges, in my perspective.
This is part of a series of sessions that aim to help you understand the various options for help available to you.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
When & How to Talk About Sex with Partners
Sex Help for Smart People
04/01/24 • 38 min
Episode 10 is all about when and how to talk to your partner about sex. If you're dating, considering dating, or in a relationship, don't miss this one. It will take the guesswork out and keep you from a lot of disappointment.
Many of us spin out in worry about finding the "right time;" avoid talking about important sexual needs, desires, or challenges out of fear or shame; or just blurt out our issues whenever we feel urgent about it. None of these approaches will help you get what you want and need from your partner. This episode gives you the guidance you need to avoid these common communication pitfalls.
We’re going to cover good times and bad times to talk about sex, including what kinds of topics work (and don’t work) when you’re in the middle of getting it on.
I’ll also teach you the 3 key concepts to help conversations on sensitive subjects go more smoothly. Practicing these will help you and your partner feel heard, enable better connection, make empathy more likely, and avoid conflict.
From the episode, the baseline questions I suggest everyone cover with sex partners periodically are below. Consider these a starting point.
- What would make sex extra amazing for your partner? For you?
- What would you both like more of?
- How do you both like to be invited to sexy times?
- What kind of flirting feels really good to you and them?
- How do you like to be escalated with? (That is, moving from flirting to touch, initiating kissing, escalating to making out, moving from making out to removing clothes, initiating genital touch, etc.)
- How do your genitals particularly like to be touched?
- What helps you get off?
- What gets in the way of your arousal or hinders your orgasm?
- How do you know when sexy times are over? What do you like as a check in for when you’d like to wrap up or end sex?
- What kind of aftercare do you like? (That is, when the sexy times do come to a close, how can you support each other to come down from that in a gentle, connected way? Is there anything your partner should know about how you feel after sex? For example, some people cry, meditate, get very quiet, sleepy, sweaty, etc. and all of that is okay but good to know!)
Plus these basic logistical questions:
- When were you last STI tested and what were the results?
- How many partners do you currently have and what are your safety practices with them?
- Do you want to be non-monogamous or monogamous and how do you like to organize that?
- How do you define and communicate around monogamy or non-monogamy?
To register for the April 12, 2024 30-min webinar on De-Escalating Stress in the Body, for only $10, go to: https://laurajurgens.com/events
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
Recovering from Trauma: My Process
Sex Help for Smart People
05/06/24 • 48 min
This is a special one. It's both vulnerable and also really satisfying. I’m sharing my story of the 8 key processes that helped me heal from dissociation and PTSD that I accrued from various traumas, including sexual assault, child abuse, homelessness, bullying and harassment.
It's never the same path for everyone, but I hope that this episode will inspire you to try out some of these approaches or understand better how to support loved ones. If you are feeling stuck, have genital numbness, feel disconnected from your body and/or your sexuality, are dissociated, depressed/anxious, or lost in people-pleasing (fawning) in your life, sexuality, and relationships -- this is for you.
I'm sharing the 8 critical steps that helped me heal PTSD and shift into post-traumatic growth, embodiment, and joyful freedom.
Resources Mentioned:
Vagus Nerve exercises: Get on the newsletter here for the vagus nerve exercise video along with other free resources like the Wheel of Erotic Emotions: https://laurajurgens.myflodesk.com/wheel
Tara Brach's compassion meditation
Books:
No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk (video synapsis here)
Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma, and In an Unspoken Voice by Peter Levine
Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve by Stanley Rosenberg
Videos:
Peter Levine on Trauma and Somatic Experiencing
Trauma Release Method/ Trauma Release Exercises
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
Experiencing More Pleasure & Satisfaction (Plus How Arousal & Desire Fit In)
Sex Help for Smart People
10/28/24 • 13 min
What is your relationship to physical pleasure? Today is all about investigating this question so you can experience more of it. We'll talk about how you can boost pleasure, dive in to how desire and arousal get confused with pleasure, and how to focus on what really brings deep satisfaction.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
Strap-Ons For Every Body
Sex Help for Smart People
11/25/24 • 28 min
Get started the fun way with strap-ons. Everyone can play with strap-ons and there are loads of reasons you may want to try it out. This episode will guide you through choices of equipment, accessories, positions. It will help you make the decisions that will bring you and your partner the most fun while avoiding painful bad experiences.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
Better Sleep, Better Sex
Sex Help for Smart People
08/12/24 • 19 min
Sleeping poorly really impacts your sex life. In today's episode we're going to look at this head-on. This is a super practical episode meant to offer concrete help.
I'll share effective ways to sleep better, and what is reasonable to expect from yourself and your partner when there are sleep challenges going on. If you or your partner struggle with sleep issues, don't miss this one.
Here are the 12 things to do to sleep better:
- Only use the bed for sleep and sex, and reading non-stressful materials. No tv, eating, phone.
- Time your caffeine, alcohol and chocolate ruthlessly. No caffeine 8 hours before bed. No alcohol or chocolate 4 hours before bed, and then only 1 serving.
- Exercise earlier in the day and be done by 3 hours before bed. You do need some exercise to sleep well, so don’t skip it, but it doesn’t have to be intense.
- Dark, quiet, cool bedroom with no tv. Use either light blocking curtains or an eye mask and ear plugs if you need them.
- Use blue-blocking glasses for any screen time in the evening.
- Regardless of your glasses, you need to turn screens off an hour and a half before bed. Seriously. Unplug.
- Darken your house when it gets dark outside – switch to lamps and led candles, dimmers down – or use amber lenses with blue blocking filters.
- Consider very low dose melatonin – like 1 to 3 mg, 1.5 hours before bed.
- Keep a receiving and wins journal. Write 3 things you received today, and 3 wins each day. This helps your mind go to sleep with abundance rather than anxiety.
- Create a bedtime ritual of things that feel good to you.
- Get up and go to bed at roughly the same time every day.
- If you do wake up or can’t sleep, don’t just let your brain spin out in anxiety. Give it something lovely to do: fantasize, go to a beautiful place in your mind, or get out of bed and journal if you need to.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
Break Free From Arbitrary Rules: Cleaning Out Your Should Closet
Sex Help for Smart People
09/02/24 • 12 min
This week we're diving into how "shoulds" sneak in and mess up our confidence, relationships, dating, and sex lives. Shoulds come from all kinds of places (society, religion, your grandma, that 2nd grade math teacher who said you had messy handwriting...whatever). They undermine us and our relationships, often subconsciously. Every time you let a "should" in, you're criticizing yourself or others and holding up standards you may not even believe in. Today I share a fun, easy tool to help you clean out your brain and free you up from these unhelpful, cognitive distortions.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
How To Start Having G-Spot & Cervical Orgasms
Sex Help for Smart People
10/21/24 • 20 min
Do you want to have G-spot or cervical orgasms, but don't know how to get there? This episode is for you!
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
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FAQ
How many episodes does Sex Help for Smart People have?
Sex Help for Smart People currently has 44 episodes available.
What topics does Sex Help for Smart People cover?
The podcast is about Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Podcasts and Sexuality.
What is the most popular episode on Sex Help for Smart People?
The episode title 'Relationship Skills Part 1: Attune to Yourself First' is the most popular.
What is the average episode length on Sex Help for Smart People?
The average episode length on Sex Help for Smart People is 28 minutes.
How often are episodes of Sex Help for Smart People released?
Episodes of Sex Help for Smart People are typically released every 7 days.
When was the first episode of Sex Help for Smart People?
The first episode of Sex Help for Smart People was released on Jan 30, 2024.
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