Sex Help for Smart People

Today we're talking all about where we get our validation, and what happens when we only look for it externally without giving it to ourselves.
Ever get that feeling that you, or someone you're with, just can't really take in approval? Maybe compliments slide off uncomfortably, or they seem to do absolutely nothing for our self-image. Maybe we feel desperate for attention, affirmation, or we tend to wait for someone else to make decisions. Or maybe we feel the opposite -- like we are entitled to approval for every single thing and we have a hard time taking even gentle feedback.
These are all patterns that stem from withholding validation from ourselves. It not only feels awful from the inside, it's also really challenging for romantic partners. It can be a big red flag in relationships, especially if taken to extremes. The good news is that most people can learn how to decrease the intensity of these patterns by learning to give ourselves more approval -- and it feels amazing when we do.
Episode 9 breaks down validation-seeking behavior patterns. I'll cover what to look for in yourself or others, what's in your power to fix and what's not. I'll also show you how to start working with your own validation-seeking behaviors so you can better accept approval from yourself and others, and let it feel really good.
To get the vagus nerve exercises referenced in this episode (and other free resources), go to https://laurajurgens.com and get on the email newsletter. Opt-out anytime.
Here are the topics for today:
Defining Validation

The Spectrum of Validation-Seeking

Why You're Not Weird or Lame for Needing Approval
Socialized Patterns in Approval-Seeking by Gender

Approval-Seeking Gone Wild, Validation Black Holes and Red Flags

Impact on Relationships

The Way Out of Misery: Repairing the Relationship with Ourselves

A First Step Exercise

Get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

Sleeping poorly really impacts your sex life. In today's episode we're going to look at this head-on. This is a super practical episode meant to offer concrete help.
I'll share effective ways to sleep better, and what is reasonable to expect from yourself and your partner when there are sleep challenges going on. If you or your partner struggle with sleep issues, don't miss this one.
Here are the 12 things to do to sleep better:

1. Only use the bed for sleep and sex, and reading non-stressful materials. No tv, eating, phone.
2. Time your caffeine, alcohol and chocolate ruthlessly. No caffeine 8 hours before bed. No alcohol or chocolate 4 hours before bed, and then only 1 serving.
3. Exercise earlier in the day and be done by 3 hours before bed. You do need some exercise to sleep well, so don’t skip it, but it doesn’t have to be intense.
4. Dark, quiet, cool bedroom with no tv. Use either light blocking curtains or an eye mask and ear plugs if you need them.
5. Use blue-blocking glasses for any screen time in the evening.
6. Regardless of your glasses, you need to turn screens off an hour and a half before bed. Seriously. Unplug.
7. Darken your house when it gets dark outside – switch to lamps and led candles, dimmers down – or use amber lenses with blue blocking filters.
8. Consider very low dose melatonin – like 1 to 3 mg, 1.5 hours before bed.
9. Keep a receiving and wins journal. Write 3 things you received today, and 3 wins each day. This helps your mind go to sleep with abundance rather than anxiety.
10. Create a bedtime ritual of things that feel good to you.
11. Get up and go to bed at roughly the same time every day.
12. If you do wake up or can’t sleep, don’t just let your brain spin out in anxiety. Give it something lovely to do: fantasize, go to a beautiful place in your mind, or get out of bed and journal if you need to.

Get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

What can you do when you really want your partner to know what you want and they just don’t. You keep waiting and they keep not knowing and not doing it. You are disappointed, frustrated, or heartbroken (or all three). This is a recipe for disaster if you stay on the disempowering side of this. Take a listen and learn how to get out of this stuck place and move forward.

Get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

Ever want to know what actually happens in coaching sessions? This episode is story time. I’m going to give you a peek inside my office at what we did in several different sessions this week. Through these little stories, you will get a flavor of the kinds of activities we do in my particular coaching practice, and get a sense of the kinds of help available to you as an individual or a couple who wants to have a better love life. Take a listen and discover how progress and solving problems can actually be fun!

Get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

Do you want to have G-spot or cervical orgasms, but don't know how to get there? This episode is for you!

Get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.