Sex Gets Real 244: End of year giveaway, crossdressing neighbors, & dating a sister

Explicit content warning

12/30/18 • 52 min

Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra

Three things to get started:

Grab the official Sex Gets Real recommended reading list now! Not only will you have access to my most recommended books, but it will add you to the show's newsletter which is going to be crucial as social media networks purge sex education from their pages.
Enter to win "Girl Sex 101" and "Bad Dyke" by Allison Moon to celebrate the New Year! One lucky winner will be selected at random on January 15th, so enter now. U.S. and Canada folks only.
See me speak FOR FREE about leaving my day job and starting life as an entrepreneur at the True Freedom Symposium starting January 14th. It's for folks who want to quit their day job. Note, some of the talks are super problematic, so watch with a grain of salt. Faves are Pam Slim, Leonore Tjia, Ed O'Neill, and SARK.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! This episode drops New Year's Eve Eve 2018, so just 2 days until 2019 begins to unfold.

This week's Patreon bonus is one of my favorites from this year. We are doing a little New Year's ritual with some really beautiful self-reflective questions, I read two VERY erotic poems (shivers), and we're writing invitations for 2019. If you want to hear my invitations for the new year, my word of the year, and do some yummy little reflective rituals with me, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content.

I went through all of my emails, social media comments, and shares, and found the five most commented on episodes of 2018. They were:

5. Cavanaugh Quick on Episode 197

4. Ev'Yan Whitney on Episode 231

3. Dr. Lori Brotto on mindfulness, libido and sex in Episode 227

2. Staci Haines on trauma, healing, and consent in Episode 235

...and the most shared, commented on, and emailed about episode was...

1. Andy Izenson on transformative justice and masculinity in Episode 221

Now, on to your amazing questions.

Curious Vanilla wants to know of any feminist sex toy shops in Canada, so I share my three favorites. Womyns Ware in Vancouver, The Traveling Tickle Trunk in Edmonton, and Come As You Are Co-Op out of Toronto. Happy shopping, Canada!

Awkward is dating her friend's sister. The problem? She never told him and now they've been dating for over a year. Plus, her girlfriend recently found out that Awkward had a previous sexual relationship with this guy (the girlfriend's brother) and feels uncomfortable with their continued friendship. What can Awkward do?

Anonymous recently learned her neighbor is secretly into crossdressing and being dominated while doing housework. Now he wants Anonymous to be his Domme. He's so eager to come over and clean her house. The problem? She's not a Domme and not really into the whole thing. What the heck should she do?

Lookin' 4 Love is desperate to know when will men stop sucking!? She's been hurt by so many men, including the men who seem less toxic and more self aware. Is she doomed? Are there ANY good men out there who aren't steeped in toxic masculinity? She's awesome and wants to find someone awesome to be with.

And you know what? Lookin' 4 Love isn't wrong. Privilege is invisible to those who possess it, and it takes a lot of CONSTANT work and checking to begin to unpack it. There are men out there who are doing this work and doing it well, like Imran Siddiquee and his colleague Jonathan MacIntosh of "Pop Culture Detective". Also, Mike Domitrz of "Can I Kiss You?"

Findin...

Three things to get started:

Grab the official Sex Gets Real recommended reading list now! Not only will you have access to my most recommended books, but it will add you to the show's newsletter which is going to be crucial as social media networks purge sex education from their pages.
Enter to win "Girl Sex 101" and "Bad Dyke" by Allison Moon to celebrate the New Year! One lucky winner will be selected at random on January 15th, so enter now. U.S. and Canada folks only.
See me speak FOR FREE about leaving my day job and starting life as an entrepreneur at the True Freedom Symposium starting January 14th. It's for folks who want to quit their day job. Note, some of the talks are super problematic, so watch with a grain of salt. Faves are Pam Slim, Leonore Tjia, Ed O'Neill, and SARK.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! This episode drops New Year's Eve Eve 2018, so just 2 days until 2019 begins to unfold.

I went through all of my emails, social media comments, and shares, and found the five most commented on episodes of 2018. They were:

5. Cavanaugh Quick on Episode 197

4. Ev'Yan Whitney on Episode 231

3. Dr. Lori Brotto on mindfulness, libido and sex in Episode 227

2. Staci Haines on trauma, healing, and consent in Episode 235

...and the most shared, commented on, and emailed about episode was...

1. Andy Izenson on transformative justice and masculinity in Episode 221

Now, on to your amazing questions.

Findin...

Previous Episode

Sex Gets Real 243: Chronic pain, erotophobia, and community only spaces with Cameron Glover

Have you grabbed the Sex Gets Real official book list yet? Not only do you get all of the show's most recommended books, but you'll join the Sex Gets Real newsletter which is becoming more and more important as all sexuality discussions are banned on social media. Grab your goodie and stay in touch by heading to sexgetsreal.com/books

Also, if you're looking for support around healing your relationship with your body, deepening your relationship with a partner, unpacking your desire, and finding more pleasure, I'd love to work one-on-one with you. Learn more at dawnserra.com.

Chronic pain, erotophobia, non-romantic love, and community-only spaces

Andrew Gurza was kind enough to connect Cameron Glover and I recently, and I have to admit as soon as I started diving into the work Cameron is doing, I was excited.

Cameron is unbelievably rad and our conversation was so organic and fun. We talk about sex work, SESTA and FOSTA laws, centering the most marginalized, staying in our lane, the diversity of sexual experience, creating community-only spaces that allow for rest and healing, emotional labor and what happens when it is not equitable in a relationship, chronic pain, and why sometimes it takes time to learn that a partner can hold our truths and the ways we cope in the meantime.

Cameron also talks about transitioning from a polyamorous relationship to a monogamous relationship and how that was navigated generously.

You will not want to miss this geek-tastic conversation. Plus, how can we accept more care and help loved ones to better support us?

Check out that Beyoncé Feminism Rihanna Womanism here.

Plus, Patreon supporters, Cameron and I had a BLAST with this week's bonus chat. We started talking about tantra and cultural appropriation, but then started talking about shame, failure, growth, boundaries, and a heck of a lot more. You can hear it if you support the show at $3 per month and above - weekly exclusive content is a don't miss! Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Cameron Glover: Cameron Glover is a sex educator, writer, podcaster, and bath witch from New Jersey. Her expertise in sex and culture has been used to write for publications such as Playboy, Glamour, GO Mag, them, and many others. Cameron co-hosts a podcast, "Nerds of Prey" hosted by four Black women as they talk abut nerd culture; and hosts her own show, Sex Ed in Color, shedding light on how sexuality professionals of color navigate the field. Stay in touch with Camera on Instagram and Twitter @BlkGirlManifest, and follow Sex Ed In Color on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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Next Episode

Sex Gets Real 245: ALOK on body hair, art, friendship, legacy, & the violence of gender

Enter to win “Girl Sex 101” and “Bad Dyke” by Allison Moon to celebrate the New Year! Cut off for entries is January 15, 2019. One lucky winner will be selected at random , so enter now. U.S. and Canada folks only.

ALOK is here. It's time to question everything.

ALOK is someone I've long admired and learned so much from. Their talk at Explore More Summit 2018 was a fan favorite by a landslide. And for good reason. ALOK is not only an incredible thought-leader, but they are utterly transparent about the violence, harm, and vulnerability of living in the world as someone who is gender non-conforming - the rawness of how they show is important.

We start our chat by fielding a listener question from SC who is struggling with HSV, PCOS, and hirsutism which means SC has body hair in a lot of places that cause distress and shame.

ALOK talks about the ways the body positivity movement has failed to account for body hair diversity. Also, the ways ALOK was animalized and othered for their body hair, even as a younger person.

What does it mean to be gender non-conforming and why is the gender binary so violent? ALOK has such honest, raw truths to share here.

We also talk about why so many movements leave the most marginalized behind and why liberation and freedom are not conditional. Those folks who are cut out are the ones we should be centering - if the most marginalized are free, all of us are free. But framing queer freedom around gay marriage or body positivity over only cis "healthy" bodies actually reinforce the violence.

Read the interview ALOK did with Mia Mingus on ugliness here. IT IS SO GOOD.

Let's talk about why we want validation from people and institutions that do not see our worth and humanity, and why that's so scary. How art will set us free and imagine new worlds. And much much more.

Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3 per month and above you get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, I'm rolling around in a listener question: he would rather self-pleasure and fantasize than engage intimately with his wife. Is that OK? Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About ALOK: ALOK is a gender non-conforming writer, performer, & fashionist@ You can find them on Instagram @alokvmenon. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real