292: Sexual assault, oral sex, and regret after a threesome

Explicit content warning

02/02/20 • 72 min

tl;dr Bringing more racial nuance to sexual assault conversations, how to do oral sex when you struggle for breath, and how to deal with regret and hurt after a threesome. Patrons who support at $3 and above, there are TWO bonuses this week at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. One is all about what people got stuck in their vagina, penis, and rectum in 2019. The other is about the science of biological sex by.... a biologist. Tune in and comment with your thoughts. Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. We start with some beautiful words by Heidi Preibe about loving someone over the long term. Grab the text and link at dawnserra.com/ep292. I also mentioned my quarantine selfie which you can see at dawnserra.com/ep292, too! On to your emails... Scotney, a fellow sex educator, wrote in with some additional nuance around Kobe Bryant, sexual assault, and the institutional and cultural racism that we need to acknowledge when we are specifically talking about Black men and sexual violence. Nick is preparing for a double lung transplant. He is short of breath and can't lay on his stomach to eat out his wife. How can he engage in oral sex with his wife without struggling to breathe? I have ideas for Nick, plus permission to expand the ways he pleases his wife. It doesn't only have to be oral sex! Bodies change, and sometimes the ways we have sex need to change, too. Gina Senarighi is here to help me answer the final question this week from Jealous friend and lover. JFL is feeling really hurt because her and her boyfriend were kissing and flirting with a friend of hers, but things escalated quickly and now JFL is feeling insecure, betrayed, and unsure of how to move forward. What do you do when you open your relationship or try a threesome and things go wrong? How can you repair from a relationship oops? Gina is here to help me answer those questions with such generosity and compassion. A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Gina Senarighi: Dr Gina Senarighi, PhD, CPC is an author, teacher, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach based in the midwestern U.S. She’s been supporting clean fights and dirty sex in happy healthy relationships since 2009. Gina has written several books and currently leads couples retreats and coaches online clients all over the world. Find Gina at heygina.com and nonmonogamous.com. Be sure to also tune into her podcast, Swoon. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep292

Listen and subscribe on iTunes
Check us out on Stitcher
Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
Pop over to Google Play
Use the player at the top of this page.
Stream it on Spotify
Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep292

Previous Episode

291: STIs, masturbation buddies, shame and fat bodies

tl;dr STIs and how to protect ourselves, men who want masturbation buddies, shame and fat bodies, plus Kobe Bryant's death. Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast tomorrow. To kick off this week's episode, we are exploring some of the complicated feelings around Kobe Bryant's death, especially for survivors. We're also unpacking a new paper released by the CDC about STIs being on the rise. Check out the article at dawnserra.com/ep291 Sinclair Sexsmith recently pulled together a bunch of people, blogs, and helpful tidbits on chronic pain and sex. Grab the link at dawnserra.com/ep291. Then it's on to your questions. First up, Jose wants to know if it's healthy to have a sexual relationship with himself when he's in a relationship with someone else. And is it weird to want a masturbation buddy? Especially when he's a straight man and wants to masturbate with other men? Next, Busy Cat is ready to leave the big city and get a job in a smaller city, but her boyfriend isn't ready to make the move. How can she convince him that this move will be good for them? Finally, Ashamed is in recovery for an eating disorder and has complicated feelings about her fat body. She doesn't have much experience with masturbation or sex, and she wants to start but she doesn't know how. What if you can't reach your genitals? What if you don't know where to start? We go all the places and focus in on pleasure - because that's what it's all about, right? A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

Listen and subscribe on iTunes
Check us out on Stitcher
Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
Pop over to Google Play
Use the player at the top of this page.
Stream it on Spotify
Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Check it out at dawnserra.com/ep291

Next Episode

293: Sexual attraction, gay for getting blowjobs, & cheating with a sex worker

tl;dr Can you change who you're sexually attracted to? Is someone gay for getting blowjobs from a guy? Is it OK to cheat with a sex worker? Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week's bonus is several Am I The Asshole posts over at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. I want to know who you think is an asshole and who isn't, so come join me for some laughs and share your thoughts about these predicaments. Also, I love your emails. Send your questions my way! You can use the contact form at dawnserra.com. We start by talking about the importance of treating sex workers with respect and we talk a little about a piece in The Guardian about self-care. Head to dawnserra.com/ep293 for the link. I love what it's offering about the ways self-care has been co-opted and what communal care can look like. Then it's on to your questions. First up, Q just got their masters degree and through grad school put on some weight. Their partner of 6 years told them they aren't as sexually attracted to them now because of that weight. Can someone change their sexual attraction? Ohhhhh, do I have thoughts! If you want to hear more about situations like this, be sure to check out my chat with Carmen Cool at Explore More 2019, because we talked about this a lot, too. Next, Britney is worried her boyfriend is gay. He was getting blowjobs from a gay guy in high school and might have done it again in college. Is he gay and how can she believe him when he's lied before? Let's talk about sexual orientation and how it isn't always as simple as whether someone is gay or not. Plus, trust seems to be pretty damaged, so I weigh in on how I think they can re-connect. Finally, Ryan is in a long-term relationship of six years. They have an active and amazing sex life. That said, he has a desire to work with a sex worker to get an erotic massage, but he worries his partner will see that as cheating. Does he deny himself this pleasure just because his partner might not like it? Relationship agreements are important, folks, and if you can't abide by them, you shouldn't be in a relationship. A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real