You Can Have It All in a Relationship, Just Not All at Once

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11/21/23 • 18 min

Romancipation

S4 Episode 9: You Can Have It All in a Relationship, Just Not All at Once

Episode Summary

Believing you can have it all in a relationship is realistic, as long as you accept that it will probably not happen at the same time. There will be points in a romantic relationship where certain priorities the couple has identified take precedence over others. Whether it is romance, sex, financial security, family, travel, hobbies or sleep, there will never be enough hours in the day to fully satisfy all of the daily responsibilities that come with life.

The important thing is being on the same page as your partner. If the two of you have built a strong foundation of respect, communication, trust and acceptance in your relationship, it will be easier to plan and work together to meet your personal and relationship goals. Working cooperatively can help you achieve your relationship wants and needs in a more efficient manner.

Each life stage offers the chance to shift your attention. Just make sure that if you focus on building financial security, you do not completely ignore your familial responsibilities. Shifting a focus is not the same as neglecting your partner’s wants and needs. Balance and realistic expectations are what keep a relationship from imploding.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when men’s refusal to ask for help can end up creating bigger issues down the line.

Show Notes

In our society there’s a commonly held belief that you can have it all. Yes, you can have it all in a relationship, just not all at once. It’s going to come at different points in a relationship, and there’s a time and place for everything.

It takes time to construct the life you really want, and that’s where the foundation of your relationship comes in. A strong foundation sets the tone to build what you envision for your future. But keep in mind that different parts of your relationship will be stronger than others depending on the current stage you are in.

Agreeing to focus on an aspect of your life with your partner can help you flourish in that area, whether that’s intimacy, quality time, or focusing on your kids. Nothing can be perfect all of the time, but if you make a part of your lives a priority together, you can make the most of it. Balance is key in a relationship, and with balance comes compromise.

You may feel under pressure to accomplish certain things in your life, so you put unrealistic expectations on yourself. As a result, you feel dissatisfied with where you are in life. If this resonates with you, something has to give. Otherwise, you put your relationship in jeopardy to explode.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When men’s stubbornness stops them from asking for help fixing things. Some men feel like they should know how to fix something just because they are men. They don’t want to show weakness, or they can become blinded to the fact that other courses of action – like finding an expert or hiring help – could be a better option.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast, so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 9: You Can Have It All in a Relationship, Just Not All at Once

Episode Summary

Show Notes

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast, so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

Previous Episode

Keeping Score Will Make Everyone a Loser

S4 Episode 8: Keeping Score Will Make Everyone a Loser

Episode Summary

Becoming a couple means compromise and a willingness to take turns. While it is natural to want your romantic relationship to be equitable, it is more difficult to achieve in reality. For many, keeping score is a way to enforce this idea of fairness. Unfortunately, it is misguided and often leads to resentment in the relationship.

Constant comparison in a relationship is unproductive and unhealthy. Resources will never be evenly distributed between the two members of the couple. Whether it is time, money, sleep or responsibilities, one person will always feel as though they received the short end of the stick.

Instead of keeping track of who did what, you should focus on behaviors that support the relationship as a unit. Reshape your perspective and divide tasks or responsibilities in a manner that each person is playing to their strengths. Work with your partner to focus on the positive things you are providing for one another instead of what is lacking. Don’t let entitlement drive the relationship.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner forgets about or ignores dates and things you feel are important in the relationship.

Show Notes

It’s pretty common to keep score in a relationship, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a habit worth keeping. In fact, it can be detrimental to your relationship because it colors the way you see every interaction you have. Keeping score can keep you from being present and experiencing positive aspects of your relationship in the moment.

You also might be keeping score in your head without communicating to your partner about the things they’re doing that may be irritating you. This can lead your feelings to fester. On the other hand, if you’re always verbalizing the score, it can lead to an unhealthy way of going tit-for-tat with your partner.

If you’re counting who’s winning, you’re also counting who’s losing. You end up missing out on building yourself up as a team. A healthier way of managing these situations is to open communication and start working together. Recognize what each of you brings to the table and play to your strengths.

It’s normal to have a little back and forth of keeping score. But if your partner always seems to get what they want and need without compromise, this could signal a much bigger problem. In a relationship, no one can get what they want all the time. But no matter what, you deserve to feel seen and heard by your partner.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner doesn’t remember dates or details that you deem important. Maybe it’s just not as important to them – or maybe “forgetting” helps them avoid conflict. Expecting your partner to remember significant things in your life puts an unfair burden on them.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

Next Episode

Passion is Not the Same as Jealousy: One Thrills and the Other Kills

S4 Episode 10: Passion is Not the Same as Jealousy: One Thrills and the Other Kills

Episode Summary

Passion is something that we all look for in a romantic relationship, but how we define passion can vary. Often people place too much value on passion as a way to measure the success of a partnership. Viewing a lack of excitement as a sign the relationship is not healthy or fulfilling is misdirected.

Passion, like many things, can evolve in a relationship. It can be more subtle than the thrill of sexual excitement. It can exist in multiple aspects of your shared life with your romantic partner. Passion can be stimulating or inspiring. It should never be scary or threatening.

Passion is not drama or jealousy. If you or your partner need to create emotional upheavals to feel something, that is unhealthy behavior that should be addressed. Passion should be a positive experience that is shared by the couple. Jealousy is a one-sided emotion that signals insecurity and a desire to control another person.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss the frustrating situation of people asking for relationship advice without any intention of following it.

Show Notes

We’re told passion is important to have in our lives, whether that’s towards hobbies, a job, or a relationship. Passion can be a positive thing, but it’s important to distinguish the difference between passion and jealousy, especially in romantic relationships. Passion is great for a relationship, while jealousy can crush it.

Passion is emotional and dramatic. It’s supposed to be thrilling, but it should never be threatening. That is one way you can highlight the difference between passion and jealousy. Some people want drama, or “movie moments” in their relationship. Over-the-top gestures may be exciting, but it’s also where jealousy can sneak in.

Jealousy is never a positive thing. It comes from insecurity. If your partner is jealous of your accomplishments or other relationships, it’s not your fault. The jealousy is an internal struggle of their own. Some people use “passion” as an excuse to act poorly in their relationships. This person might say something along the lines of “I do this because I love you so much.” That’s a red flag.

Any partner who automatically views your interactions with others as flirtatious—even when it’s just saying “thank you” to the delivery guy—is showing a clear sign of jealousy. When you question them, they may try to excuse their controlling behavior as passion. Passion is shared, jealousy is not.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people ask for relationship advice but never take it. It’s frustrating and a waste of time for the person who was kind enough to listen and offer suggestions. It makes the advice giver feel used. It makes it seem like the person asking for advice actually wants validation—not guidance.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

Romancipation - You Can Have It All in a Relationship, Just Not All at Once

Transcript

00:00

Tired of toxic, boring, or dead-end relationships? Feeling lonely or clueless when it comes to love? Need a fresh perspective? Well, you found it. This is Romancipation, a podcast that challenges conventional ideas about sex, love, dating and mating. Hosts Marlee and Lis offer candid and provocative advice about what it takes to find the partner you deserve.

00:30

It's time to rethink your approach to your love life. Take charge and get Romancipated.