Stop Being A Chicken: Ask the Right Questions and Listen to the Answers

S3 Episode 2: Words are Free, Actions are Costly

Episode Summary

When it comes to romantic relationships, people place way too much stock in what another person says instead of what the individual actually does. Too many people have let slip the “I love you” when they did not mean it. Why? Because it is easy to say, tends to get you what you want in the moment and often buys you time in a relationship. A Romancipated person will never accept words without action and behavior that is consistent with the sentiments expressed.

Any romantic relationship that is mutually beneficial is based on respect, trust, communication and boundaries. In other words, it takes effort on both peoples’ part to make a relationship work. Moreover, behavior signals intent and motivation. Actions let a person know if they are valued, cherished and wanted. Regardless if the actions are grand or small, they speak volumes as to how your partner really feels about you and the relationship.

Actions and behavior can also send clear messages of disrespect, dishonesty, and a lack of loyalty. Phrases like: “I can change”, “I am sorry”, “It will never happen again” only have meaning if there is follow-through and the person does not repeat the behavior. Do not fall victim to hearing what you want or desperately need to hear from your partner. Instead look beyond the words for validation of their true feelings. It may end up saving your life.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how people will change their political or social world view to please a partner.

Show Notes

So many people fall victim to other people's words because they put so much emphasis on what someone says rather than the way they actually behave. You should never take someone at their word. Judge your partner on their actions. Saying “I love you” is not the same as treating you with respect and honesty.

“I’m sorry,” “I can change,” and “I promise” are worthless statements unless there is some sort of follow through. Some people will lie to their partners simply to appease them. It costs them nothing emotionally to lie and say what you want to hear. Actions take thought, effort, and follow-through—that’s why they are costly.

Taking action doesn’t have to come in the form of grand gestures. The action taken can be small and still be meaningful. You can learn a lot about someone's character by how they behave towards others, despite what they say.

Of course, actions can be positive and negative. What really matters the most is intent. For example, if your partner is jealous, they may claim it’s because they care about you a lot. In reality, their intent is to control you. Consider action and the intent behind it over what’s being said.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people change their political or social views to please a partner. It shows a lack of critical thought, and a lack of a backbone. If your partner insists you share the same views with them, it’s a red flag. If you’re afraid to disagree, it may be a sign of abuse. You can love your partner without silencing yourself, and love does not require complete conformity.

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