Life May Not Be Fair, But Your Relationship Can Be

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03/05/24 • 18 min

Romancipation

S5 Episode 12: Life May Not Be Fair, But Your Relationship Can Be

Episode Summary

A healthy relationship always has an underlying sense of fairness to everything the couple does. Whether it is the division of labor, the respect of boundaries or the joint economic decisions. Fairness means treating people according to their needs, therefore it will not always be equal. Equality is treating everyone the same; something that is very difficult to achieve in a romantic partnership.

Each member of the relationship needs to take responsibility for communicating their individual needs and expectations to their partner. In turn, their partner should be empathetic and accountable. For a relationship to feel fair, both people need to be realistic about what will be most mutually beneficial to the relationship.

Moreover, it is up to you to advocate for yourself if you feel there is a double-standard or your boundaries are being violated. As relationship evolve, what would be considered fair can change as well. It is important to check in with your partner and make sure that they are feeling respected and appreciated for their contributions to the partnership.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how frustrating it is when your partner refuses to clean up after themselves.

Show Notes

Fair is not the same as equal. While you can strive for equality in a relationship, it’s unrealistic to believe it can be equal at all times. That said, it doesn’t mean your relationship can’t be fair. Equal means getting the exact same treatment. Fair means respect, appreciation, and a feeling of being heard.

How do you make a relationship fair? You have to be able to communicate, empathize, and listen. You have to set appropriate boundaries with each other and be clear about them. Don’t allow your partner to treat you unfairly—you are the one who needs to set and enforce your boundaries.

When it comes to division of labor, it’s very important to be fair about it. It’s not just about the physicality of the labor, it’s about the emotional toll and the time commitment, too. It helps to play to each person’s strength when you’re tackling tasks, so you can be efficient. This helps bring balance to the relationship or family unit.

The fairer your relationship is, the greater your trust and intimacy will be. Showing appreciation for your partner and acknowledging them, especially in those periods where the relationship isn’t fair, goes a long way. When people feel their time is valued and respected, a sense of fairness permeates the relationship.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner makes a mess and doesn’t clean up after themselves. It’s childish, selfish, and creates instant resentment. It’s disrespectful to the partner’s space and energy. It also sets a poor example for children. Your relationship is a partnership—not a complimentary service.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 12: Life May Not Be Fair, But Your Relationship Can Be

Episode Summary

Show Notes

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

Previous Episode

You Should Want to Be with Your Partner, Not Need to Be with Them

S5 Episode 11: You Should Want to Be with Your Partner, Not Need to Be with Them

Episode Summary

There is a big difference between want and need. Wanting something or someone makes you put in effort and work for it. Needing something or someone creates feelings of powerlessness and instability. For a relationship to withstand the expected ups and downs, both partners should want to be with the other.

When you place yourself in a situation where you rely so heavily on another person for support - financial, emotional or physical - you give them power over your life and the decisions you make. Sometimes that control is direct and in other instances it is indirect. Either way, it is unhealthy for both members of the couple and will create resentment.

Two people who want to be together practice empathy, respect and acceptance. They build trust, respect boundaries and nurture intimacy. Feeling wanted is empowering and gives you a sense of security. You recognize your partner is with you for the right reasons and that creates long-term stability.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how detrimental it is for a person to take on their new partner’s hobbies or interests in an attempt to keep the relationship.

Show Notes

Being truly Romancipated means being in a relationship with someone because you want to be, not because you feel you need to be. Healthy, productive relationships take work, and you need to have a desire to do that work. Going about it any other way is a disservice to you.

By needing your partner instead of wanting them, you’re placing yourself in a situation primed for abuse, neglect, and unhappiness, especially if your partner is the one emphasizing your need for them. Believing them compromises your agency and can lead you down a very dark rabbit hole.

It’s important for any person to have the ability to stand on their own two feet. Plus, independence is so sexy. The same goes for your partner. When you know they are with you because they want you versus need you, it’s a great feeling. It makes you feel chosen. Co-dependence, on the other hand, is a trap.

If you are with your partner because you think you need them, you’re handing over control. If you stay with a person because you think you won’t find someone better, that’s a bad choice to make. How would you feel if that’s why someone chose you? It’s an icky thought. But when someone wants you and puts their effort behind it, it’s a beautiful experience. That want helps you get through the rough patches.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people change their hobbies or interests to please a new partner. Whether it’s sports, food, or politics, mismatched interests can only be concealed for so long until they take their toll. Why lie about who you are and what you want? Not everything in your relationship needs to be shared or mutually enjoyed.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

Next Episode

Sex, Sex and More Sex: Important Questions to Ask Yourself

S6 Episode 1: Sex, Sex and More Sex: Important Questions to Ask Yourself

Episode Summary

Sex is an important part of romantic relationships. It bonds couples and enhances the intimacy that two people share. While there are no hard and fast rules about when and with whom you should have sex, there are a number of questions you should be asking yourself before you engage in sexual conduct with another person(s).

If you can answer in the affirmative to these questions, then you are physically, mentally and emotionally prepared for whatever surprises may come your way. People can be unpredictable, thoughtless and reckless. While you can never control another person, you can make decisions that will garner respect and build trust, which in turn enhances your sexual experience and deepens the connection you feel with your partner.

A Romancipated individual practices self-preservation and understands that they are responsible for protecting their health, safety and emotional well-being. Sexual contact should always be consensual, legal, pleasurable and safe.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how unhealthy it is to need your partner to save you from life’s difficulties.

Show Notes

Before you involve sex in your relationship, there are some important questions to ask yourself first. Do you have the proper protection to avoid pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections? You should feel ready, willing, and able to protect yourself and your partner.

Moreover, if your protection methods fail, how will you approach the situation? For example, if there is a pregnancy, how will you move forward under those circumstances? What if you end up with a child that is ill, or, if you’re a woman, what if you become ill as a result of pregnancy? The chance of creating a child is possible when you have sex.

You also have to consider contracting an STI. What if you don’t have access to healthcare to address it? How will you disclose this information, if or when necessary, to your family, health professionals, or even your employer? How will you approach telling your next partner and disclosing your STI?

It’s not just about what your choices would be, but also the choices of your partner. What if you had sex and you didn’t hear from them again? What if they walk away and disparage you? These are questions you need to consider before a sexual encounter so you can be sure you’re making the right decision for you by engaging in sexual contact.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When someone expects a partner to save them from life’s difficulties. It’s no one’s job to save you, and dependency can lead to resentment. It’s an unrealistic and overwhelming expectation to place on your partner. It’s immature to push any obstacle you face onto your partner.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

Romancipation - Life May Not Be Fair, But Your Relationship Can Be

Transcript

00:00

Tired of toxic, boring, or dead-end relationships?. Feeling lonely or clueless when it comes to love? Need a fresh perspective? Well, you found it. This is Romancipation, a podcast that challenges conventional ideas about sex, love, dating and mating. Hosts Marlee and Lis offer candid and provocative advice about what it takes to find the partner you deserve.

00:30

It's time to rethink your approach to your love life. Take charge and get Romancipated.

Mar