It's All in the Delivery: It's Not What You Say, It's How You Say It
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10/24/23 • 21 min
S4 Episode 5: It’s All in the Delivery: It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It
Episode Summary
The ability to communicate effectively with your partner is one of the key elements of a successful relationship. For many people, it is not the substance of what is being said that creates issues in a relationship, but how that information is delivered. In order to get the most benefit out of your relationship, you need to understand your partner’s preferred communication style and tailor your message in a manner that is productive.
When communicating wants, needs, boundaries and feelings to your partner be aware of your tone, timing and word choice. If a message is delivered with anger, frustration, hostility, blame or condemnation, the chance of engaging in a productive conversation is minimal. Even if you are approaching your partner with something benign, if the timing is inopportune, you may find yourself engaged in conflict that was unexpected.
Making sure to use the correct wording can also greatly increase the probability that your message will be received and processed by your partner. People are much more open to listening if they feel they are not being attacked, blamed or judged.
At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when people believe they deserve a rich partner.
Show Notes
Communication is a pillar of Romancipation. Each and every person has their own communication style, and that of your partner may differ from you. As a result, you may end up in conflict even in cases when, in principle, you’re actually on the same page. For this reason, knowing your style and your partner’s style is really important.
Once you identify their communication style, you can try adapting to a method your partner can more easily understand. If there’s a reaction before a conversation or you’re not getting the result you’re hoping for, take it upon yourself to think about how your message will be perceived.
Critical information is always best delivered to your partner privately and in a calm manner. Timing is everything—there are certain times of day your partner will be less open to discussing what you want to address. It might be tempting to get it off your chest, but choosing to talk about something when you’re angry might result in saying things you don’t mean.
Be careful of the words “always” and “never.” These are absolute statements you want to be conscious about using with your partner and your kids. The more you drop these statements, the more they lose their value. Using the right words can make all the difference in an important conversation.
In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a person thinks they deserve a rich partner. A lot of young people today are zeroed in on this idea. It’s entitled behavior. What do you bring to the relationship that makes you deserving of someone else’s wealth? It can lead to resentment, conflict, and keep deep trust from forming in the relationship.
Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast, so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.
Visit us at www.romancipation.com
S4 Episode 5: It’s All in the Delivery: It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It
Episode Summary
The ability to communicate effectively with your partner is one of the key elements of a successful relationship. For many people, it is not the substance of what is being said that creates issues in a relationship, but how that information is delivered. In order to get the most benefit out of your relationship, you need to understand your partner’s preferred communication style and tailor your message in a manner that is productive.
When communicating wants, needs, boundaries and feelings to your partner be aware of your tone, timing and word choice. If a message is delivered with anger, frustration, hostility, blame or condemnation, the chance of engaging in a productive conversation is minimal. Even if you are approaching your partner with something benign, if the timing is inopportune, you may find yourself engaged in conflict that was unexpected.
Making sure to use the correct wording can also greatly increase the probability that your message will be received and processed by your partner. People are much more open to listening if they feel they are not being attacked, blamed or judged.
At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when people believe they deserve a rich partner.
Show Notes
Communication is a pillar of Romancipation. Each and every person has their own communication style, and that of your partner may differ from you. As a result, you may end up in conflict even in cases when, in principle, you’re actually on the same page. For this reason, knowing your style and your partner’s style is really important.
Once you identify their communication style, you can try adapting to a method your partner can more easily understand. If there’s a reaction before a conversation or you’re not getting the result you’re hoping for, take it upon yourself to think about how your message will be perceived.
Critical information is always best delivered to your partner privately and in a calm manner. Timing is everything—there are certain times of day your partner will be less open to discussing what you want to address. It might be tempting to get it off your chest, but choosing to talk about something when you’re angry might result in saying things you don’t mean.
Be careful of the words “always” and “never.” These are absolute statements you want to be conscious about using with your partner and your kids. The more you drop these statements, the more they lose their value. Using the right words can make all the difference in an important conversation.
In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a person thinks they deserve a rich partner. A lot of young people today are zeroed in on this idea. It’s entitled behavior. What do you bring to the relationship that makes you deserving of someone else’s wealth? It can lead to resentment, conflict, and keep deep trust from forming in the relationship.
Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast, so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.
Visit us at www.romancipation.com
Previous Episode
Acceptance is Not the Same as Forgiveness
S4 Episode 4: Acceptance is Not the Same as Forgiveness
Episode Summary
Every relationship will have its trials and tribulations; feelings will be hurt, boundaries will be violated, and trust will be tested. How you choose to react to those transgressions will determine the fate of the relationship. You may be willing to forgive a partner’s behavior, but that does not mean you will accept the consequences that arise from their actions.
Acceptance of a partner’s flaws, past or baggage is very different from accepting disrespectful or abusive behavior. Moreover, you may be willing to forgive your partner’s behavior or actions without ever fully accepting the impact it had on you and your relationship. Unfortunately, refusal to accept something will often result in the same issues reappearing in the relationship.
The decision to forgive and/or accept is yours alone. Sometimes it is easier to forgive or accept your partner than it is to forgive or accept yourself. The more self-aware you become, the more the issue of acceptance and forgiveness can have a significant impact on your romantic relationships. When you learn to accept the past instead of letting it define you, you increase your sense of self-worth.
At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss uncovering infidelity in a friend’s relationship.
Show Notes
People often use the term “acceptance” and “forgiveness” interchangeably, but they are actually two very distinct concepts—especially in a romantic relationship. There are things, big and small, your partner may do which you can’t forgive. However, you get to decide if you’re going to accept it or not.
Acceptance can be much more difficult than forgiveness, and once you accept something, you can’t take it back. That’s why acceptance takes a lot of practice. The thing both concepts have in common is that they can be freeing when you embrace them. Acceptance means you’re at peace with your decision.
Accepting something is moving on from the event or experience and not letting it define your future. Forgiveness is something you let go of and let live in the past. It’s also not just about accepting the shortcomings of other people. We’re all capable of bad behavior, so sometimes it comes down to accepting ourselves.
A lasting relationship starts with accepting yourself first. From there, you can decide if you can accept your partner’s behavior or not. If you have difficulty doing this, it may be a sign that the relationship is actually not the right fit for you.
In this episode, the vent session topic is: When you know about a friend’s partner’s infidelity. It becomes a moral dilemma between protecting your friend and not interfering in their relationship. It puts you in an unwinnable situation. If you say something, it might end the friendship. If you don’t, you have to carry a painful secret.
Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.
Visit us at www.romancipation.com
Next Episode
Resentment is Relationship Cancer
S4 Episode 6: Resentment is Relationship Cancer
Episode Summary
Resentment is natural and inevitable. Hence the reason it is responsible for so many relationships coming to an end. It can come from internal or external sources and can wreak havoc on your love life. Every person should be aware of what their resentment triggers are, and clearly communicate them to their partner.
Whether it is a power imbalance, mistreatment or feelings of inadequacy, you must be vigilant with how your partner’s behavior and actions are impacting your feelings about the relationship. Letting things fester is never a good idea, nor is ignoring an issue that keeps coming up.
Empathy is the best way to combat resentment. By actively placing yourself in your partner’s shoes, you may be able to catch yourself or a situation before it breeds negative feelings. Practice self-awareness and ask your partner to do the same. Together you can manage any feelings of resentment by addressing them head-on.
At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner lets you fight their battles with family, friends and work colleagues.
Show Notes
Resentment is a heavy word, and it can also have a heavy impact on your relationship. It is the number one relationship killer. It’s an open wound that kills the relationship if it’s not taken care of. Once it sets in, it’s next to impossible to erase it unless you’re aware, thoughtful, and intentional about ridding your relationship of resentment.
Power imbalances, feeling mistreated, and disrespect can lead to resentment. The moment something is perceived as unfair, it makes space for this feeling to sink in. The experience itself is quite common and almost unavoidable, so the key is identifying when it’s building before it takes over your relationship.
Communicating your wants and needs can keep resentment at bay. However, it’s also just as important to hear your partner’s wants and needs, too. Keep in mind that these can also evolve over time on both sides. Infidelity, financial irresponsibility, and decisions made when raising children are all circumstances that can welcome resentment.
Lack of privacy, lack of free time, and lack of alone-time are also smaller issues that can lead to significant feelings of resentment. It can also come from past trauma – without a person even consciously realizing it. The cure for resentment is empathy. Place yourself in your partner’s position, so you can appreciate and address their resentment.
In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner makes you the bad guy to save face. It’s manipulative, pathetic, and it violates boundaries. It is an underhanded way of letting someone else fight your battles for you. Nothing speaks to a lack of respect of your partner quite like this.
Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.
Visit us at www.romancipation.com
Romancipation - It's All in the Delivery: It's Not What You Say, It's How You Say It
Transcript
00:00
Tired of toxic, boring, or dead end relationships? Feeling lonely or clueless when it comes to love? Need a fresh perspective? Well, you found it. This is Romancipation, a podcast that challenges conventional ideas about sex, love, dating and mating. Hosts Marlee and Lis offer candid and provocative advice about what it takes to find the partner you deserve.
00:30
It's time to rethink your approach to your love life. Take charge and get Romancipated.
Marle
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