Fifty Shades of Infidelity

Explicit content warning

10/03/23 • 20 min

Romancipation

S4 Episode 2: Fifty Shades of Infidelity

Episode Summary

For many, the concept of infidelity in a romantic relationship is black and white. However, what constitutes cheating is open to interpretation, hence the fifty shades. Your partner’s perception of behavior that they deem as unacceptable may be very different from your own. Make sure to understand your partner’s boundaries and comfort level, so that you don’t accidently step over the line.

Moreover, make sure you have a clear understanding of what your own boundaries are and communicate them to your partner. Would you be okay with your partner’s harmless flirting or provocative dancing with a friend at a party? Maybe. Would your feelings change if the same behavior took place outside of your presence? Probably. The point is boundaries are fluid, depending on the time, place and people involved.

Trust is a necessary component for a healthy relationship. If you have been cheated on in the past, your perception of innocuous behaviors may take on a more sinister tone. Make sure your partner knows your triggers so they can avoid creating unnecessary stress in the relationship. If both people are on the same page and are respectful of one another’s boundaries, hurtful mistakes and misunderstandings can be avoided.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner gives the family pet more attention than they give to you.

Show Notes

Different people have varying perspectives on infidelity. Some people will see it very black and white, while others will see all the shades of infidelity in between. In that sense, the idea of cheating can be subjective. What violates your boundaries or breaches your trust might be defined differently between people and couples.

When a couple first gets together, they rarely have an in-depth conversation about what it actually means to cheat. It’s so important to communicate your definition so you can be sure you’re on the same page, and sometimes you need to broach this topic no matter how serious the relationship is.

Consider this: If you found out your booty call was seeing another person, would you feel cheated on? Some people would; some people wouldn’t. If you haven’t had this conversation, how confident are you that you know where your partner’s boundaries are? That’s why it really comes down to proper communication.

We’ve talked about cyber-cheating in a previous episode, and this is a subject where the conversation with your partner can be very nuanced. Watching porn might be okay in your books, but only if it’s a specific type. You might draw the line at interacting with the performers, or you might not.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner gives the family pet more attention than you. This happens a lot. On one hand it’s understandable, but on the other it can be infuriating for the person being ignored. A bond with a pet is unconditional and therefore can transcend a human relationship. However, it can cause resentment towards the animal.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 2: Fifty Shades of Infidelity

Episode Summary

Show Notes

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

Previous Episode

Being Honest is Not the Same as Telling the Truth

S4 Episode 1: Being Honest is Not the Same as Telling the Truth

Episode Summary

When it comes to relationships, honesty is not always the best policy. Truth is based on fact, whereas honesty is based on feelings and opinions. While it is important to be truthful with your partner about your intentions and expectations, giving your “honest” opinion is often not appreciated and can cause unnecessary conflict.

Criticism wrapped in the legitimacy of honesty carries more weight than it should. It makes the person receiving the comments believe the “honest opinion” is the consensus, which is rarely the case. If you want to alert your partner to something they have said or done that upset you, be truthful about it. Communicate in a thoughtful and productive manner and explain your feelings.

Practice empathy by acknowledging that everyone is entitled to their own perspective. Understand your partner’s boundaries and make sure your communication style is healthy instead of manipulative. Gaslighting your partner is abusive and never acceptable.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how imprudent it is to go over your budget to purchase an engagement ring.

Show Notes

A lot of conflict and hurt feelings can arise from the mask of “just being honest” in a relationship. Truth is an accurate representation of reality. Being honest is accurately expressing your feelings and opinions. Confusing these two ideas can hurt you, your partner, and your relationship.

The truth can hurt, but it can also be a tool to create understanding and acceptance. It all comes out to how you deliver it. When you try to hide insults or put downs behind the veil of “honesty,” it’s not only inappropriate, but abusive. More often than not, this is an approach men take because they believe their honesty is actually truth, when it rarely is.

When you’re communicating with your partner, know there is a difference between speaking truthfully and honestly. When you can distinguish the difference, it’s a conversation of fact versus feeling and opinion. It also helps you have a much more productive conversation if you’re both on the same page.

Don’t let “honesty” be your sword or your shield in your relationship. This is what gaslighters use to gain power. They frame their opinions as the truth or overall consensus of others. Truth isn’t always a great thing, and it can hurt. But at times, it is necessary to be truthful. You need to be equally as careful with how you express honesty because at the end of the day, it’s your position alone.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a partner wants you to spend money you don’t have on an engagement ring. Why would you want to start off an engagement in debt, or with less money? Once you get married, your debt becomes one. Wanting to spend the rest of your life together is more important than the price of the ring.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

Next Episode

Independence is the Secret to Relationship Longevity

S4 Episode 3: Independence is the Secret to Relationship Longevity

Episode Summary

Independence is one of the sexiest qualities a person can possess. Men and women are drawn to an independent person. Why? Because when someone has interests and friendships outside of their romantic partnerships it sends a very clear message: I don’t need to be with you to be happy, I want to be with you because you make me happy!

A common mistake people make when searching for a romantic partner is basing their ability to get along with another person as evidenced by sharing common interests like a love of the outdoors or a preference of a certain genre of music. While it can be a bonus to have some hobbies or passions that match up, it is not necessary for a romantic relationship to thrive. To be able to share experiences that are significant with a partner or expose them to something new is exciting and can help create intimacy. It can nurture empathy and acceptance but it is not enough to sustain the relationship in the long-term.

Shared hobbies or passions is different than commonalities like shared belief systems, cultural and religious backgrounds and compatible wants and needs that form a strong foundation of a romantic partnership. A healthy relationship should consist of two partners that support one another in things they both enjoy together as well as experiences they enjoy as separate individuals. A couple should be the joining together of two whole people, not two halves that create the whole.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss people that play games with another person’s emotions and the detrimental impact it has on relationships.

Show Notes

It’s important to have some of your own interests, hobbies, and relationships outside of the relationship you have with your partner. Not only will having independence give you something to talk about when you’re with your partner again, but it also leads to a happier relationship.

You can’t possibly connect on every single layer with your partner, so it only makes sense you would need to find options for fulfilling those interests in other ways. Plus, it’s more important to share deep foundational things, like your values, than it is to share all the same hobbies. Having your own things to do away from the partnership makes spending time together even more special.

When you’re independent in a relationship, you stay because you want to, not because you need to. Each partner in the relationship needs space to evolve and have their own new experiences. As long as you continue to appreciate and check in with each other, it will not influence your relationship in a negative way.

Being independent also gives you self-confidence, personal responsibility, and also builds respect and trust. A Romancipated person knows this. If there’s something you’re passionate about, put time aside to do it for you. When you’re a happier person, you’re a better partner.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people think it’s a game to play with someone’s feelings. It’s a huge red flag. Being mean or manipulating another person comes with the intention to have power over another person. This person wants to be in control and make you feel weak. It’s destructive, disrespectful, and should not be tolerated.
Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

Romancipation - Fifty Shades of Infidelity

Transcript

00:00

Tired of toxic, boring, or dead-end relationships? Feeling lonely or clueless when it comes to love? Need a fresh perspective? Well, you found it. This is Romancipation, a podcast that challenges conventional ideas about sex, love, dating, and mating. Hosts Marlee and Lis offer candid and provocative advice about what it takes to find the partner you deserve.

00:30

It's time to rethink your approach to your love life. Take charge and get Romancipated.

Mar