Being Honest is Not the Same as Telling the Truth

Explicit content warning

09/26/23 • 17 min

Romancipation

S4 Episode 1: Being Honest is Not the Same as Telling the Truth

Episode Summary

When it comes to relationships, honesty is not always the best policy. Truth is based on fact, whereas honesty is based on feelings and opinions. While it is important to be truthful with your partner about your intentions and expectations, giving your “honest” opinion is often not appreciated and can cause unnecessary conflict.

Criticism wrapped in the legitimacy of honesty carries more weight than it should. It makes the person receiving the comments believe the “honest opinion” is the consensus, which is rarely the case. If you want to alert your partner to something they have said or done that upset you, be truthful about it. Communicate in a thoughtful and productive manner and explain your feelings.

Practice empathy by acknowledging that everyone is entitled to their own perspective. Understand your partner’s boundaries and make sure your communication style is healthy instead of manipulative. Gaslighting your partner is abusive and never acceptable.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how imprudent it is to go over your budget to purchase an engagement ring.

Show Notes

A lot of conflict and hurt feelings can arise from the mask of “just being honest” in a relationship. Truth is an accurate representation of reality. Being honest is accurately expressing your feelings and opinions. Confusing these two ideas can hurt you, your partner, and your relationship.

The truth can hurt, but it can also be a tool to create understanding and acceptance. It all comes out to how you deliver it. When you try to hide insults or put downs behind the veil of “honesty,” it’s not only inappropriate, but abusive. More often than not, this is an approach men take because they believe their honesty is actually truth, when it rarely is.

When you’re communicating with your partner, know there is a difference between speaking truthfully and honestly. When you can distinguish the difference, it’s a conversation of fact versus feeling and opinion. It also helps you have a much more productive conversation if you’re both on the same page.

Don’t let “honesty” be your sword or your shield in your relationship. This is what gaslighters use to gain power. They frame their opinions as the truth or overall consensus of others. Truth isn’t always a great thing, and it can hurt. But at times, it is necessary to be truthful. You need to be equally as careful with how you express honesty because at the end of the day, it’s your position alone.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a partner wants you to spend money you don’t have on an engagement ring. Why would you want to start off an engagement in debt, or with less money? Once you get married, your debt becomes one. Wanting to spend the rest of your life together is more important than the price of the ring.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 1: Being Honest is Not the Same as Telling the Truth

Episode Summary

Show Notes

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

Previous Episode

Never Base a Relationship Decision on Fear, Complacency or Guilt

S3 Episode 12: Never Base a Relationship Decision of Fear, Complacency or Guilt

Episode Summary

Fear, complacency or guilt should never be the driver of your romantic decisions. Too many relationships either begin or continue longer than they should because one partner is compelled to stay with the other person for the wrong reasons. Loneliness, desire for children, financial security, cultural, religious or societal obligations have a way of pressuring people into romantic relationships that are unhealthy and counterproductive to both individuals involved.

Every decision made in a relationship should be based on a realistic assessment of wants and needs. You may want to have children, but if it is with the wrong person ask yourself if it is worth it. If someone is pressuring you or guilting you to make a serious commitment that you are not ready for, practice self-preservation and do the difficult thing and walk away. The most thoughtful thing you can do for yourself and the other person is be honest and give each other the opportunity to find happiness.

Even if you are in a relationship with the right person, make sure to take an active role in how your life together develops. When major life decisions are directed by one partner and the other just goes along with it, eventually resentment takes hold. Complacency can seem like the path of least resistance in the moment but will eventually catch up to the overall health of the relationship.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how a partner’s eating habits can have a detrimental impact on your relationship.

Show Notes

When you make decisions in your relationship, you want to make sure you’re not basing those decisions on fear, complacency, or guilt. The decisions made from these places will lead to resentment, whether that’s resentment of yourself or your partner. You can’t let anyone push you into a decision that doesn’t feel right.

Women struggle with this issue more than men. Men generally seem less likely to feel guilt and to make decisions based on that feeling. A lot of women can relate to the experience of making decisions for these reasons, but another common reason is the fear of being alone. You may put blinders on if you feel like you’re on a time crunch to commit to a relationship.

It’s important to take a step back and understand that the decisions you make now will really impact your future. If the desire for children is putting you under pressure to find or stay in the wrong relationship, remember that technology has advanced far enough to make motherhood possible in new ways.

Complacency is another big one. It shows you’re just going along with whatever comes, and it’s not because you’re getting what you want, but because you’re tired of fighting for what you want. If it’s not beneficial to you or the relationship, it can create instant resentment.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner’s eating habits make it difficult for you. It is beyond frustrating, and it has a huge impact on your daily lives as a couple. It’s annoying and it can become a point of contention if the diet impacts the person's mood or energy level. Whether it’s undereating, overeating, or the need to follow a very specific diet, you need to create boundaries and respect each other.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

Next Episode

Fifty Shades of Infidelity

S4 Episode 2: Fifty Shades of Infidelity

Episode Summary

For many, the concept of infidelity in a romantic relationship is black and white. However, what constitutes cheating is open to interpretation, hence the fifty shades. Your partner’s perception of behavior that they deem as unacceptable may be very different from your own. Make sure to understand your partner’s boundaries and comfort level, so that you don’t accidently step over the line.

Moreover, make sure you have a clear understanding of what your own boundaries are and communicate them to your partner. Would you be okay with your partner’s harmless flirting or provocative dancing with a friend at a party? Maybe. Would your feelings change if the same behavior took place outside of your presence? Probably. The point is boundaries are fluid, depending on the time, place and people involved.

Trust is a necessary component for a healthy relationship. If you have been cheated on in the past, your perception of innocuous behaviors may take on a more sinister tone. Make sure your partner knows your triggers so they can avoid creating unnecessary stress in the relationship. If both people are on the same page and are respectful of one another’s boundaries, hurtful mistakes and misunderstandings can be avoided.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner gives the family pet more attention than they give to you.

Show Notes

Different people have varying perspectives on infidelity. Some people will see it very black and white, while others will see all the shades of infidelity in between. In that sense, the idea of cheating can be subjective. What violates your boundaries or breaches your trust might be defined differently between people and couples.

When a couple first gets together, they rarely have an in-depth conversation about what it actually means to cheat. It’s so important to communicate your definition so you can be sure you’re on the same page, and sometimes you need to broach this topic no matter how serious the relationship is.

Consider this: If you found out your booty call was seeing another person, would you feel cheated on? Some people would; some people wouldn’t. If you haven’t had this conversation, how confident are you that you know where your partner’s boundaries are? That’s why it really comes down to proper communication.

We’ve talked about cyber-cheating in a previous episode, and this is a subject where the conversation with your partner can be very nuanced. Watching porn might be okay in your books, but only if it’s a specific type. You might draw the line at interacting with the performers, or you might not.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner gives the family pet more attention than you. This happens a lot. On one hand it’s understandable, but on the other it can be infuriating for the person being ignored. A bond with a pet is unconditional and therefore can transcend a human relationship. However, it can cause resentment towards the animal.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

Romancipation - Being Honest is Not the Same as Telling the Truth

Transcript

00:00

Tired of toxic, boring, or dead-end relationships? Feeling lonely or clueless when it comes to love? Need a fresh perspective? Well, you found it! This is Romancipation, a podcast that challenges conventional ideas about sex, love, dating, and mating. Hosts Marlee and Lis offer candid and provocative advice about what it takes to find the partner you deserve.

00:30

It's time to rethink your approach to your love life, take charge, and get Romancipated.