Relationship Coaching School Podcast

Why do so many men use porn? What is it doing for them?

I think it's obvious that porn can ruin your relationship, but what's not so obvious is why so many men use porn. What is going on inside the male brain.

I have my own theories but I wanted to hear from THE porn expert on this...

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

• • • The link between chronic erectile dysfunction and porn use [11:00]
    • How do you know when porn use is a problem? [13:00]
    • Can people use porn in a healthy way? [16:00]
    • Why are people using porn? [19:00]
    • How many women are watching porn? [23:00]
    • Religion and porn [22:00]
    • When men use porn for ‘stress relief’ [27:00]
    • How internet porn is shaping our sexuality [36:00]
    • How to heal porn addiction through relationship [48:00]

In this episode I answer listeners’ questions on long-distance relationships, how to win him back, entitlement and sex, blended families, divorce, and much more. It’s a shorty but a goodie.

SHOWNOTES

• What does an over-supportive relationship look like? [2:30]
• What does it mean when a man says he “needs a break” from the relationship? [4:15]
• How to win back a guy? [6:14]
• What’s the best way to break through your triggers? [7:43]
• How to make a 2nd or 3rd marriage work out? [9:07]
• What to do when your partner only feels criticized? [11:33]
• How to deal with a man who feels sexually entitled? [13:20]
• What is the viability of long-distance relationships? [15:28]
• Jayson’s one-question challenge to listeners [18:17]

IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn:

• To see your partner as a sacred mirror and sanctuary for the growing your greatest actualized self
• The true characteristics of a long-term partnership
• How your partnership is the optimal container for complete transformation of yourself into the highest possible version imaginable
• How to fall in love and why this is more important than being married
• How to take radical responsibility for being loved in every moment of your life
• How to actually get your needs/wants met in a partnership
• How to know if conflict in your relationship is driving you toward or away from more magnificence

There’s a ton in this episode so dive in and go slow.

And, Here’s a great question from Annie to ask yourself if you are trying to decide to stay or leave:

Is the person I’m being called to become by what my partner’s asking me to become (if you take on the growth-development framework), will you become a more extraordinary version of yourself? If who they are asking you to become is a constricted, small, tight version of you, then this is probably not the person you want to be with.

However, if you identify as the smaller version of you, then, you are going to hear your partner’s feedback as criticism and blame and might make them wrong in the process. So, pay attention to these finer points.

Timestamps:

• 1:47 - What are we getting into when we say yes to long-term relationships?
• 6:04 - Becoming the best version of yourself
• 9:49 - Annie's story
• 16:48 - Taking responsibility when we don't feel loved
• 21:35 - Getting out of your victimhood
• 30:34 - When to leave

Links:

• Annie Lalla – Love Coach for Singles & Couples
• Apply to Relationship Coach Training
• Follow Jayson on social media:
  • Instagram
  • YouTube
  • LinkedIn
  • TikTok

Ever feel like you are the one overfunctioning in your relationship? Ever feel like you are “taking care” of your partner and they feel like a kid sometimes?

Listen to this week's episode to hear Jayson review and unpack this codependent couples session with Shannon and Matthew (or catch the episode on YouTube to see the action and better understand what their body language is saying).

Useful Links:

• Text: 7207044852 - my.community.com/jaysongaddis
• https://relationshipschool.com/rct
• https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

On this week's podcast, we are joined by Daniel Maté.

In addition to co-writing recent New York Times bestseller The Myth of Normal with his father, Dr. Gabor Maté, Daniel is a composer, lyricist, playwright, podcaster, artist, musician, and mental chiropractor - a current day renaissance man.

Hear about how Daniel relates to his father, his experience growing up with Maté privilege, and how he contextualizes the complexities of the parent-child relationship psychologically while providing us with insightful reframes that speak to how we relate to our parents as adults.

A few quotes from the book we feel compelled to share with you in hopes of inspiring you to read/listen to the book:

“Trauma, until we work it through, keeps us stuck in the past, robbing us of the present moment’s riches, limiting who we can be.”

“What joys have you denied yourself out of a belief that you don’t deserve them, or out of a conditioned fear that they’ll be snatched away?”

“Whether we realize it or not, it is our woundedness, or how we cope with it, that dictates much of our behavior, shapes our social habits, and informs our ways of thinking about the world.”

“Time after time it was the “nice” people, the ones who compulsively put other’s expectations and needs ahead of their own and who repressed their so-called negative emotions, who showed up with chronic illness in my family practice, or who came under my care at the hospital palliative ward I directed.”

“Chronic rage, by contrast, floods the system with stress hormones long past the allotted time. Over the long term, such a hormonal surplus, whatever may have instigated it, can make us anxious or depressed; suppress immunity; promote inflammation; narrow blood vessels, promoting vascular disease throughout the body;”

“It doesn’t matter whether we can point to other people who seem more traumatized than we are, for there is no comparing suffering. Nor is it appropriate to use our own trauma as a way of placing ourselves above others—“You haven’t suffered like I have”—or as a cudgel to beat back others’ legitimate grievances when we behave destructively. We each carry our wounds in our own way; there is neither sense nor value in gauging them against those of others.”

“Like our other needs, meaning is an inherent expectation. Its denial has dire consequences. Far from a purely psychological need, our hormones and nervous systems clock its presence or absence. As a medical study in 2020 found, the "presence [of] and search for meaning in life are important for health and well-being." Simply put, the more meaningful you find your life, the better your measures of mental and physical health are likely to be.

Order The Myth of Normal:Trauma, Illness, & Healing in a Toxic Culture by Dr. Gabor Maté & Daniel Maté here.

Timestamps:

• 0:00 - Intro
• 2:41 - Daniel describes what he does
• 6:31 - Reawakening the inner artist
• 15:48 - Adult parent-child dynamics
• 34:21 - Special offers
• 35:34 - The Myth of Normal book
• 1:09:32 - Special offers

Useful Links:

• Instagram @danielbmaté
• Daniel Mate's mental chiro website
• Dr. Gabor Maté’s website
• Instagram @gabormatéMD
• Order The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, & Healing in a Toxic Culture by Dr. Gabor Maté & Daniel Maté here
• Listen to Daniel read The Myth of Normal on Audible
• Enroll in Relationship Mastery
• Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero
• Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50"
• U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number: 720 704 4850
• Apply to Relationship Coach Training