How to Find a Counselor for Your Young Adult with Melissa Spoelstra

01/05/22 • 49 min

Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert

With so many young adults struggling with anxiety and depression as they return to school after the holidays, I wanted to release a bonus episode answering questions from author Melissa Spoelstra about parenting young adults who need to find a counselor. In this episode, we’ll discuss some practical aspects such as insurance coverage and the variety of mental health professionals available to help your child as well as offer you some tips on questions to ask prospective counselors, when it’s time to seek professional help, and how to encourage your child to get help without offending them.

Key points from our conversation:

🩺 If insurance is a deal-breaker, call your company and get the names of 10 Christian counselors that are in-network, then narrow them down by finding out who is taking new patients. Have your child do research online like reading bios and watching videos to see who they connect with best. Telehealth may be a good option if you’re in a rural area.

✝️ Therapists use different approaches when it comes to treatment. When interviewing prospective counselors, have your child ask if they are a Christian who does counseling or if they integrate faith into best counseling practices. Also, ask if they are a biblical counselor who doesn’t integrate psychology and if they are a directive or non-directive therapist.

🚨 If your young adult tends to change their mind about counseling, but chronic problems persist, encourage them to find a counselor as quickly as possible. Use the urgency to prevent a future emergency.

🗣️ If your child is resistant because they view counseling as a sign of weakness, normalize it. Since 2020, 40% of young adults 18-24 are experiencing diagnosable anxiety and depression. Practice empathic listening and try changing the verbiage from “you need counseling” to “you could benefit from counseling.”

😖 Panic attacks are immediate criteria for therapy because it means they’re at a place where their mind is not able to control the body in such a way that things happen that are out of control.

🥼 Seeing a therapist should be as normal as seeing a doctor. When in doubt, check it out.

🧠 You may not notice ADHD in your young adult before college because home life and school can provide a structure they can manage. Smarter kids can take even longer to diagnose because their intelligence compensates for their lack of executive management skills.

👂 When your young adult comes home and shares struggles, reassure them that you get it and they’re not alone. Engage them by asking how they would like to try to solve the problem. Offer to get them help, even if they get offended. If you’re the authority, you make the call even if they don’t want to. You know what’s best for them.

Resources mentioned:

Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson

Connect with Melissa: website | Instagram | Facebook

Key points from our conversation:

😖 Panic attacks are immediate criteria for therapy because it means they’re at a place where their mind is not able to control the body in such a way that things happen that are out of control.

🥼 Seeing a therapist should be as normal as seeing a doctor. When in doubt, check it out.

Resources mentioned:

Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson

Connect with Melissa: website | Instagram | Facebook

Previous Episode

Season 3 Wrap Up

We're halfway through December and I'm wondering how you're doing because it has been hectic around our counseling center. I don’t know why you listen to the show, but I’m so grateful for the guests we’ve had this season and the topics we’ve been able to cover - everything from managing screen time to eating disorders.

We're excited about the guests we have for you next season including Dr. John Townsend who talks about setting healthy boundaries and connections, Georgia Schaffer shares her expertise on grief, and Danny Huerta speaks about Focus on the Family's initiative to address suicide in the church.

As we enter 2022, I want to encourage you to slow down, take time to enjoy your community, and spend time reflecting on how mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally healthy your lifestyle is as well as where you want to make changes.

I also want to urge you to talk to your kids and listen to them without trying to fix them. Try asking them these 3 questions - How do you want to solve this problem? How can I make your life easier today? How can I pray for you?

Thank you for your support this season and we look forward to offering you more resources to raise mentally healthy kids in 2022!

Next Episode

Setting Healthy Boundaries with Your Teens and Tweens with Dr. John Townsend

I’m so excited to kick off our new season with this rich conversation I had with psychologist and author Dr. John Townsend about how we can set healthy boundaries with our teens and tweens. We cover a wide range of topics including three skills every parent should utilize to raise mentally healthy kids, how to build a stronger relationship with kids moving toward autonomy, connecting with kids struggling with gender identity, and so much more.

Key points from our conversation:

💬 Some parents tend to fragilize their kids rather than setting healthy boundaries. Enter their world and find compassion. If you’re not sure, take your child to a counselor to help determine where they are.

⛔ A “trigger” isn’t when something upsets you, it’s a clinical word used when something brings up traumatic experiences that affect your ability to function.

✨ There are three skills every parent should utilize to raise mentally healthy kids –

Warmth – connect and enter the child’s world
Appropriate strictness – there must be boundaries and structure
Realistic expectations - neither child nor parents will be perfect

🤝 As your children become autonomous, moving toward them in the negative moments will help build a stronger connection. Sit with them, but still enforce appropriate disciplines.

💕 Support doesn’t mean you share an opinion, but that you love them completely.

🧑 Kids struggling with gender is a normal experience today. The most important thing is that you stay connected, address if there’s any danger, and give the information you have. Help them with their character because healthy character will make the right decisions.

🗣️ Healthy character comes from learning to bond and connect, helping children speak up and set boundaries, getting rid of the inner critic, and accepting themselves and reality. Our job as parents is to work on the character. Remind them that they are more than one thing – their gender shouldn’t be their full identity.

🧠 You can determine if your child’s detachment has become unhealthy by asking if they’re emotionally engaged with the family, helpful, vulnerable, and doing okay with school and their hobbies.

👣 If your child is hesitant to spend more time with the family, try an activity. An activity with less eye contact like walking can make them more comfortable. They want to be understood and are waiting to open up, but it’s our job to come up with the framework.

👂 Practice listening without judgment. Lead with curiosity instead of aiming to correct. You earn the right to give truth with grace and listening. The order matters. You have to put in the time.

Resources mentioned:

Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No

Connect with Dr. Townsend: website | Instagram | Facebook