Practical Intuition with Kay

"My biggest struggle is with my five-year-old. When she is angry she scratches, bites and sometimes hits. She also yells very loudly. I would love some advice on how to get her to stop."

A listener wrote in with this question, and I knew it would probably resonate with many listeners.

Like us adults, kids are experiencing lots and lots of angry feelings – more so than pre-pandemic, without the usual outlets or often even the ability to leave the house and get a change of scene.

It can be difficult for adults to deal with our own rage, after years and decades of experience... It's so much harder for kids to deal with their rage.

They need our help! Today I share a 3-part formula that I hope you find helpful in handling your child's angry outbursts.

We've also got an impromptu Parenting News, featuring the following: The Forge article "Your Only Goal Is to Arrive," about how only one thing really matters right now in bringing our families through the pandemic.

A new book – Why are You Still Sending Your Kids to School? – from friend-of-the-podcast and expert in raising self-directed learners Blake Boles. I share the Amazon link here, but Blake asks that you consider purchasing it through "local bookstores, which could certainly use the business right now." (I share about this book both in the Parenting News, and also in the main part of this episode. I think it's required reading, not just in handling your young child's rage, but also in raising resilient and happy kids. Highly recommended!)

Join us!

Notes, including tons of links and a cheat sheet of the 3-part formula to handle your child's angry outbursts, are at weturnedoutokay.com/331 : )

Also: I have been working hard behind the scenes, creating a 5-module course on "How to keep going" and a training on "how to handle your child's angry outbursts," not to mention spring cleaning in the Ninja Parenting Community... and in this episode I share when registration opens once more for NPC! The response from NPC members has been wonderful, and I'm excited to open up the community for those of you who want the extra support coming through the pandemic. Listen in to this episode to find out when registration opens, if you need that supportive community, and help from an expert in child development.

Join the We Turned Out Okay book club!

I wrote a newsletter recently on how to handle it if you're feeling anxiety in the pandemic (and after). Click the link below to read it: https://weturnedoutokay.com/it-is-normal-to-be-anxious-when-everything-is-changing/

To watch the Free Virtual Summit I created in response to the 2020 coronavirus pandemic go to: weturnedoutokay.com/OkayCon2020

We will get through this together <3

How can I stop my child from being so impulsive? How can I stop her from hurting others with her bad behavior? How can I stop him from alienating people because he's hitting, or spitting, or worse?

Sometimes it is scary how much anger and frustration our little kids have inside. And when it erupts, we can feel so powerless.

This week's We Turned Out Okay podcast episode guest, Maureen Healy, has written a book called The Emotionally Healthy Child, to help us deal with these aspects of our young children.

When I invited Maureen on the show, I knew she had written a wonderful book for us. A useful tool, helping us parents figure out how to get our kids' behavior to be more what we want to see.

But I was not prepared for the kind of depth that Maureen Healy brings to the conversation. This gentle, thoughtful woman can teach us all about what it means to be human, and how to truly connect with our loved ones, especially our children.

Hope you enjoy this conversation!

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/261 for:

• A cheat sheet of favorite ideas from our conversation
• Key links from our conversation, including to Maureen's wonderful book, The Emotionally Healthy Child
• The scoop on my latest book! One reviewer says of 10 Secrets Happy Parents Know: I love how much "Karen" is in these pages... I can foresee myself using these chapter titles as self-talk mantras to remind myself to get out of discipline mode ASAP; that conflicts are opportunities; and so on."
• The video of the week: "Stop my young child being impulsive"

And thank you so much for listening!

During today's break I share about two helpful free guides I offer. While the podcast is long-form – your opportunity to look into the mind of a child development expert – the free guides are super quick.

You can watch the video, read the checklist, and immediately handle the temper tantrums or get started with potty training (depending on which guide you choose : )

• Click here for the FREE video and checklist to handle every temper tantrum
• Click here for the FREE video and checklist to successfully potty train your child
• Want to receive valuable ideas and tips on parenting, without either free guide above? Click here for my weekly parenting newsletter!

Recently one of the moms in my parent coaching community wrote in to share that her 4-year-old sons were about to start school... in a preschool-through-12th-grade school where corporal punishment is used.

"I can't imagine [my boys] doing anything that would warrant a paddling, but I could not make myself check that box saying it was okay," she wrote in our forums.

She then shared that, if parents check the "no, don't spank my kid" box, children are exposed to other punishments such as a 3-day suspension and zeros on any assignments missed!

I was shocked. In every state there are laws against striking people in prisons and in the military; in most every state it's illegal to strike an animal.

But it turns out that in 19 states, it's okay to strike a child in school.

Come down the rabbit hole with me, into the world of corporal punishment. It's a world that might be much closer to you than you ever imagined.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/244 for:

• Links to the articles I discuss today
• The video I made recently about what to do when your young child wants to do everything all by him or herself... but can't, and then has a fit
• Also to hear my story about being in a flash flood this week!! I talk about that during the break. It was scary, that's for sure!

And thank you so much for listening!

When We Turned Out Okay turned 2 several months ago, I asked you all for ideas about what you wanted me to address on the show. Listener Kerri said "I would like to know as a white person what I need to do to be sure my children are not contributing to the racism that is hurting so many."

Today, I speak with married, interracial couple Ingrid Alli and Hamilton Graziano, in possibly one of the most moving conversations I've been able to bring you yet.

Ingrid and Hamilton are newlyweds, just starting out in their married life and, as yet, do not have children.

They want kids, though – and they come on the show today to share their thoughts on what it's like to be part of an interracial couple, what it was like growing up for Ingrid, as an African-American, and their hopes about race in this modern world.

Notice: I did not say "hopes and fears about race"... Ingrid and Hamilton are curiously, delightfully fear-free. They know what's at stake, they live every day in a divisive America, and they take the positive stance that love wins.

They're performance poets, and I know you'll love, as I did, their award-winning performance of their poem, "The Lovings," about an interracial couple who fought nine long years for the right to marry in their state of Virginia.

Ingrid and Hamilton got their marriage license 50 years to the day, in Virginia, from when the Lovings got theirs. (Click the link below for the full show notes to this episode, where I've embedded YouTube video of Ingrid and Hamilton's performance of this poem.)

Ingrid and Hamilton have also got great advice in response to Kerri's question, and it's the sort of answer that transcends today's conversation about race. Their answer to Kerri's question is also the answer to worries about parenting, feeling good inside ourselves, and alleviating that guilt that many of us carry around – vague, uncertain, but there nonetheless.

I hope you enjoy this episode. It won't be the last one about race and parenting – Kerri's is a two-part question and once the back-to-school mayhem settles down, we'll return to this issue.

Speaking of back-to-school mayhem: if your inner self is shouting "aaaggghhhh!" at the thought of the looming school year and the chaotic mornings it will bring, Click here to sign up for the Streamline Your Mornings challenge, happening the first full week of September!

Sign-ups close on Sunday, September 3, so get in there now to access the daily emails, entry into the private We Turned Out Okay Facebook group, and for the back-to-school, Facebook live Ask Me Anything I'm doing on the final day of the challenge (Friday, September 8).

The whole thing is FREE, and it will be so helpful if you are worried about those weekday mornings.

To sign up for the challenge and to read the advice Ingrid and Hamilton share about how to help make sure our children aren't contributing to the racism that hurts so many, go to weturnedoutokay.com/176!

Today's episode – which has some swears, please listen away from your kids or with headphones – is one I've been working on putting together for a really long time: in it, a corporate lawyer, a midwife, and I sit down in a roundtable and discuss 3 topics really relevant to you, one chosen by each of us.

Corporate lawyer and mom-of-2 Angela Gregory lived down the street from us until just a few years ago, and has been a great role model for me about how to follow your passion as the family breadwinner and support your loved ones as the kids grow up.

Midwife and mom in a blended family of five children Dina Fraize has also been a great role model, showing how to embrace the chaos in a large family and raise thoughtful, engaged young men.

We've been friends now for years, since our kids were pretty small, and I know you're going to get so much out of our conversation! Or should I say, conversations... this is part one of 2 roundtables because we just had so much to talk about.

Up for discussion today: how to not raise a-holes, The French Toast Alert System and how the culture of fear really messes with parents of young children, and making sure sure that we don't put the wrong kinds of pressure on our young kids!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/146 for show notes and key links, including sign-up links to two upcoming free, live online classes I'm teaching: 1) the FAQ Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community coming up THIS Thursday, March 30 and where you can get a free copy of my parenting book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics and 2) the Common Parenting Challenges class coming up April 20!