Styles of Denial

10/28/20 • 42 min

Episode 4 of an exclusive 6-episode series.

Have you ever been toward the end of a relationship and wondered "How did I not see this?"
Denial is a little gift from our brain and comes in various styles, all meant to keep us and our fragile egos feel intact. Notice it's about feeling intact. It's not about growing.

In fact, denial and growth are contra-indicated and we have a whole host of denial styles to keep us nice and shielded from the incoming pains of the world. On today's episode, Renie talks with Dr. Gary Pearle, her mentor and psych hero who originally taught her about styles of denial and all their magnificent glory.
About: Dr. Gary Pearle has been a therapist for 26 years. Before that, he co-authored and directed the Broadway musical Tintypes and was the recipient of Helen Hayes and Joseph Jefferson awards for his work as a director in the American regional theatre.

“In both of these careers I’ve been drawn by the very same thing: the sense of meaning and purpose that arises when we're animated by something that matters. What that is, of course, is very personal to each of us—and it can change. More than anything, therapy is a way of laying out the welcome mat for unexpected possibilities. That can take patience. But the secrets that unfold there are worth the wait.”

Mentioned in this episode:

Too Much and Never Enough

Mentioned in this episode:

Too Much and Never Enough

Previous Episode

Contagious Emotions

Episode 3 of an exclusive 6-episode series.
In this episode, we talk contagious emotions, how emotions are passed from one person to another, like a contagion. We catch emotions from each other, partly because of empathy. Partly because of mirror neurons that pick these things up from other bodies, partly because evolution valued the trait.
Empathy has evolved with us over time and can be contagious, like any other emotion. Fear is contagious. I'm sure you've realized. Grandiosity is contagious. Emotional pain of all sorts is contagious as is emotional literacy and emotional wellness. We pass these things to each other all the time.
Guest: Stephanie Covington Armstrong, author of Not All Black Girls Know How to Eat, a Story of Bulimia. She is a writer, speaker, mother, survivor, and advocate for healing trauma and the relationship with food. We discuss how the absorption of various messages from her family influenced her life experience.
Mentioned in this Episode:
Take the ACE Quiz (Adverse Childhood Experiences)
Brene Brown on Empathy
Richard Dawkins on Memes

Next Episode

The Dad Episode: Navigating Difficult Conversations

Episode 5 of an exclusive 6-episode series.

We are just hours away from the election. This week, our country saw the highest amount of Covid cases ever recorded. On the justice front, we as a nation watched as a new form of "justice" was installed in the Supreme Court. There's a case about healthcare that threatens people with existing healthcare coverage on top of Trump's herd immunity strategy, which pretty much guarantees we become a nation of preexisting conditions. Now the Supreme court can potentially take away people's affordable health care and deny them coverage because of their pre-existing condition. There are a few LGBT issues on the docket as well. So we can look forward to a full assault on my rights and dignities.
How's that on your psyche?
On today's episode, I speak with my own father, a man I admire and respect but we are at odds in our views. There are so many things I want to ask him but won't. For example, I am won't ask him why he supports an anti-science party. I won't ask him about all the other people on the red team who have figured out what kind of danger Trump is but why he hasn't.
Why? Because that conversation with him doesn't work. It makes him feel bad and defensive. While those are real questions, I'm not interested in harming our relationship today.
Those conversations go nowhere and they divide my family and no one wins. I don't know who wins when families are at war. But it's certainly not families, when people are divided and distracted and tired and tuned out and saturated and just not listening anymore. Who do you think benefits? Hmm, I don't know, but I would look at who holds power and who stands to benefit?
This is America today. Only days away from the most relevant, pressing and important election of our lifetime. And for anyone who wasn't sure. Elections have consequences. I hope that the last election will mature us for this election. Now, before you meet my dad, there's some important backstory: When I was a little girl, I was a daddy's girl. I still am in many ways. When I became a teenager and well into my twenties, my dad was the private OB/Gyn and kind of man all of my friends would turn to for questions about birth control, periods and other gynecologic queries (it was too embarrassing for anyone else). He is a safe, sturdy, reliable human being.

And even though I disagree with him on politics and other things, I believe he is genuinely a good person and I'm very proud to be his daughter. My hope is that we can serve as an example to other families who may be at odds. Maybe it is possible to heal, understand and coexist at such a divisive time.
Mentioned:
Radical Compassion by Tara Brach
Rage by Bob Woodward
Fear: Trump in the White House by Bob Woodward
The Wilderness, Crooked Media
With Friends Like These by Crooked Media