Motherhood & The Brain

Today, Esther dives into the deep waters of motherhood and career in a way that really hits home. She talks about that tug-of-war many moms feel between returning to work and staying with their baby. Esther brings up societal pressures and the internal battles we face when balancing work and maternal instincts.

Then, she introduces this fascinating concept of the "protective brain." You know, how a mom's brain is wired to shield her child, and how going back to work can feel like a threat to that instinct. It's eye-opening stuff, really delving into the emotional side of things.

Esther doesn't stop there; she gets into the nitty-gritty of practical challenges like pumping and storing breast milk. But what's refreshing is how she acknowledges these concerns with compassion and offers strategies to tackle them head-on.

And let me tell you, her tips for negotiating with your own brain? Genius. She encourages moms to embrace their autonomy in choosing to return to work and offers empowering ways to navigate that transition.

Throughout the episode, Esther emphasizes the importance of reframing our perspective, tapping into our wisdom, and giving ourselves permission to feel those tough emotions like guilt. It's all about finding balance, you know?

By the end, you'll walk away feeling empowered, armed with practical solutions, and ready to face the challenges of motherhood and work with grace and self-compassion. So, grab your headphones and join us on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment!

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A UNIQUE APPROACH TO SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCE YELLING.
Are you struggling with yelling at your kids? Do you keep falling back into yelling?
I use a unique approach the addresses the underlying cause of yelling so that you break the yelling habit for good. https://masteryourownwellbeing.com/tfd

On today’s episode of the Motherhood and The Brain podcast, Esther Mbabazi introduces a tool called the CTFAR model.
This model comprises five letters: C for Circumstance, T for Thought, F for Feeling, A for Action, and R for Result. The tool serves as a framework to understand how one's thinking influences outcomes and the mind's role in shaping experiences.
Episode Highlights:
03:12: Esther introduces an example scenario involving a 12-year-old refusing to go to school. The mother's thought is that she is failing her daughter, leading to feelings of guilt.
04:10: Esther details the mother's actions in response to her guilt. These actions include taking away electronics, pressuring the child, emotional struggles, and coping mechanisms like overthinking and consuming wine.
05:46: The analysis delves into how internal mental activities, such as internal complaints, play a role in shaping the broader impact on the individual's life and strengthen their beliefs of falling short as a parent.
07:11: Esther clarifies the purpose of the CTFAR model, emphasizing that it is a tool to understand thinking patterns and not to directly change feelings. She discourages attempts to alter feelings using the tool.
08:40: The emphasis is placed on the significance of differentiating between thoughts and facts, with an encouragement for individuals to scrutinize what they believe. The continuous nature of thoughts is underscored, emphasizing the importance of cultivating self-awareness.
10:01: Esther discusses the persistence of certain thoughts in the mind and outlines the approach to handle such fixations. She advises getting a piece of paper and writing down the circumstance, thoughts, and feelings associated with the fixation.
11:15: Esther advises asking the brain, "What if everything is OK as it is?" and notes that the brain will come up with answers. She instructs writing down the positive responses.
13:08: Esther advises asking why a specific sentence, such as "I am failing my daughter," is fixated upon and encourages exploration of beliefs about failing as a mother.
15:53: The point is made that parenting is influenced by social and cultural norms, yet there are no definitive textbooks or classes to define successful parenting. The focus is on the collective experience of navigating motherhood and the acknowledgment of the inevitability of making mistakes along the way.
17:02: Esther discusses the negative impact of believing you are a failing mother. Feeling guilty leads the brain to find evidence supporting this belief, adding to the stress of situations like a child refusing to go to school.
18:00: The importance is stressed on tending to one's thought process when confronted with uncontrollable circumstances. The suggested tool aids in comprehending and refining thinking before engaging with external situations.
20:05: Esther notes the lack of control over what is happening but emphasizes control over one's response. The current situation of a child refusing to go to school is not a reflection of the mother as a person.
22:43: Esther encourages daily reflection by writing down thoughts on a piece of paper or in a box. She instructs to pick one sentence and answer it, emphasizing that a thought does not have to be a question.

22:43: Daily reflection is promoted through the practice of jotting down thoughts on paper or in a designated box.
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https://instagram.com/the.help.moms.yell.less.coach
A UNIQUE APPROACH TO SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCE YELLING.
Are you struggling with yelling at your kids? Do you keep falling back into yelling?
I use a unique approach the addresses the underlying cause of yelling so that you break the yelling habit for good. https://masteryourownwellbeing.com/tfd

Can you imagine training for years, only to be disqualified at the moment of truth? This gut-wrenching scenario faced by Olympic athletes mirrors the emotional challenges we tackle daily as moms of preteen girls.
Drawing inspiration from the Paris 2024 Olympic Games, I, Esther Mbabazi, explore how the heartbreak and resilience of these athletes offer profound lessons in courage and perseverance—lessons that are invaluable in our pursuit to build stronger connections with our children.
Join me in this heartfelt episode as we compare the athletes’ trials to our own commitments, such as deciding to stop yelling at our preteens to foster better relationships.
Despite our best efforts, just like the athletes, we can't always guarantee success—but the act of showing up and trying makes all the difference.
By sharing real stories and brain-based methods, I hope to inspire you to continue striving for deeper connections, even when the outcome is uncertain.
Let's navigate the uncharted territory of motherhood together, learning and growing from each stumble and triumph.

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https://instagram.com/the.help.moms.yell.less.coach
A UNIQUE APPROACH TO SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCE YELLING.
Are you struggling with yelling at your kids? Do you keep falling back into yelling?
I use a unique approach the addresses the underlying cause of yelling so that you break the yelling habit for good. https://masteryourownwellbeing.com/tfd

Have you ever felt like your preteen's mood swings are somehow your fault? Like every outburst or meltdown is this giant spotlight on your motherhood journey? If you’re nodding right now, you’re not alone.
So many moms carry around this invisible weight of guilt and self-doubt, thinking, If my kid is struggling, I must be messing up somewhere. Sound familiar?

I am here to flip that script and remind you of something big: your worth as a mom isn’t tied to your child’s emotions. Think about that for a second. Your preteen’s ups and downs? They’re not a report card on your motherhood—they’re just part of growing up.

In this episode, I take you on a journey to uncover where those heavy feelings come from. Spoiler alert: it’s not your fault. A lot of it comes from generations of being told that a mom’s job is to keep everything perfect all the time. But guess what? That’s not the real story.
You will see those tough moments for what they are—stepping stones, not stumbling blocks.

I talk about why self-compassion is a game-changer and how a little kindness toward yourself can go a long way. Because let’s be honest, how can you pour into your preteen if your own cup is empty?
I share real, practical ways to break free from all the pressure and create a space where both you and your child can grow.

So, take a deep breath. You’re not failing—you’re learning, and so is your preteen. Tune in and find that balance between supporting your child and showing yourself some love along the way.

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https://instagram.com/the.help.moms.yell.less.coach
A UNIQUE APPROACH TO SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCE YELLING.
Are you struggling with yelling at your kids? Do you keep falling back into yelling?
I use a unique approach the addresses the underlying cause of yelling so that you break the yelling habit for good. https://masteryourownwellbeing.com/tfd

Criticism from family can hurt, especially when it’s about how you parent. But what if you could turn those hurtful comments into a chance to grow and be kinder to yourself?
In this episode, I talk about the emotional struggles moms face when family members are critical. I show you how to separate the truth from what you think is true and reflect on how these comments might change how you see failure and unhealthy habits.
Using simple techniques, I help you think about what’s really going on, moving past the usual "I don’t know," so you can feel less stressed and adopt healthier ways to parent.

Picture this your child drops their ice cream, and you rush to comfort them. Now, imagine being just as kind to yourself when someone criticizes you.
In this episode, you’ll learn about the "thought ladder," a tool that helps you slowly shift your thinking to feel better about yourself, especially during the tough times of being a mom.
I explain how your brain is just trying to protect you, and I help you find a new way to think about it. Plus, I encourages you to have compassion, not just for yourself but also for your family members, who might not even realize they’re part of the problem.
Understanding these things can help you face emotional challenges with more grace and strength.

Send us a text

https://instagram.com/the.help.moms.yell.less.coach
A UNIQUE APPROACH TO SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCE YELLING.
Are you struggling with yelling at your kids? Do you keep falling back into yelling?
I use a unique approach the addresses the underlying cause of yelling so that you break the yelling habit for good. https://masteryourownwellbeing.com/tfd