6. “We can’t afford to live in NYC, but my wife doesn’t want to leave the city”

08/24/21 • 49 min

2 Listeners

Jessica grew up wealthy in New York City. She can't imagine her life anywhere that's not within walking distance to the coffee shop, the best schools, and her parents (who live two blocks away). Her husband, Nathaniel, is building his business and it’s been difficult getting it off the ground. For a while now, Jessica's been absorbing most finances and feels that the situation would improve if Nathaniel contributed just an extra $100 to living expenses.

Jessica and Nathaniel struggle when it comes to communicating with each other. In fact, they spend 20 minutes answering my first question before I can get a word in. The truth is, They're both so fixated on telling their story, they do not realize that neither of them is listening. I hear anger, resentment, exhaustion... what do you hear?

It takes a while to get to the numbers, but we start crunching after clearing some of the other issues. The results are extremely surprising.

Sometimes, our attachment to the story we tell ourselves can cloud the reality in front of us. Moving is complicated, but it doesn't have to be a step back. Listen to see what to do when your financial reality doesn’t match the vision you had of your ideal life.

Connect with Ramit

Produced by Crate Media.

It takes a while to get to the numbers, but we start crunching after clearing some of the other issues. The results are extremely surprising.

Connect with Ramit

Produced by Crate Media.

Previous Episode

5. “I paid off $50,000 of debt, but I still feel guilty buying toothpaste”

Sheena has paid off a huge chunk of her student debt. Peter wants to plan a trip to Japan for their 10th anniversary and decorate their apartment, but Sheena’s first reaction is, “How will we afford it?” Money is one of the first things she thinks about. She thinks about it every day, even when buying toothpaste.

Sheena is clearly terrified of money. She can’t even feel proud that last year mid-pandemic, she paid off $15,000 of her credit card debt! When I ask her how she’ll feel when her debt is paid off, she says “Better...I hope?” But I know it won’t happen unless she changes her money psychology.

Sheena and Peter’s story is an example of how we can punish ourselves unnecessarily when we grapple with finances with an all-or-nothing approach. Sheena has created a financial cage in her own mind -- but she also has the keys to get out. Listen in to understand how just a few shifts to her money psychology -- and a surprising financial strategy -- will let her take control of her money.

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Produced by Crate Media.

Next Episode

7. “My parents keep expecting us to pay for them”

1 Recommendations

Barry is a first-generation Pakistani immigrant. His wife, Maria, is also Pakistani and was born and raised in the United States. Cultural expectations are making it difficult to get aligned on their joint finances.

Barry has grown up living under a set of unwritten cultural rules whereby the son is expected to take care of his parents financially. They’re paying for family dinners and charity donations right now, but Barry strongly suspects his parents are anticipating moving in with them after they retire.

Maria has been biting her lip so far. She wants financial freedom, but knows she cannot change Barry. He must acknowledge – and possibly reprogram – the dialog around money between him and his family.

Some of this episode will sound confusing if you’re listening to it from a Western perspective, but these cultural scripts that Barry grew up with are very real. (Imagine if I told you that it “might not make financial sense to purchase a house” – that rattles the Western cultural code many people grew up with, which is why they get so angry when I point it out!).

It’s unsettling and uncomfortable to challenge. I know because I’ve been in the same situation as Barry, juggling different expectations from Indian parents.

Barry needs to move from “convincing” his parents to fully owning his financial decisions and vocalizing that with love and firm boundaries. Listen to our conversation to hear what that looks like for them and how they plan to compromise between their financial goals and family expectations.

Connect with Ramit

Produced by Crate Media.