Love Over Addiction

Loving an alcoholic can be such a devastating, heartbreaking relationship. It's difficult for people to really understand the pain and loneliness you're going through. This disease can make you feel like you're crazy. Because of that, I created a checklist that will help you know that what you're feeling is normal. You're not alone, my sweet reader.

• Do you worry about how much your loved one drinks?
• Do you feel guilty when you take time for yourself?
• Do you put his or her needs above your own desires or over your children's needs?
• Do you cover up for your partner and try to protect them by lying to their boss, friends, or family about his or her drinking?
• Do you search the house, the recycle bin, or the garage for bottles or drugs?
• Have you suspected that your partner is having an affair or looking at pornography?
• Have you been tempted to call the police after your loved one has been drinking?
• Are you exhausted from trying to fix his or her problems?
• Do you feel that if your partner really loved you he or she would stop drinking or using drugs?
• Is there some part of you that blames yourself for your loved one's bad habits?
• Do you feel like the old version of you is gone and you've turned into a woman you don't recognize?

If you said "yes" to any of these questions, you're not alone.

When I was married to my ex-husband, I could have put a giant checkmark next to each one of those. But here's some good news: just because you feel that way today, doesn't mean you need to feel this awful pain and emptiness tomorrow. Have hope. There is a way to go from despair to happiness.

You may have heard me mention my flagship course for women who love an alcoholic or substance abuser called Love Over Addiction. If you're looking for peace, happiness, and joy whether your partner gets sober or not, this program will help.

If you would like to know more about the Love Over Addiction program or how you can get started, click the pink box below. You'll receive an email with the juicy details plus a video training where I will teach you about one of the great lies when you love an alcoholic.

When you love someone who drinks too much or has substance abuse issues, you are hoping with all your heart that they will finally get sober. You want the pain and suffering to end. So are you helpless? Do you have to sit back and wait patiently for your partner to decide that enough is enough? No way!

Today, I’m going to teach you a two-step formula that needs to happen if you want to see a change in your relationship.

And before we start going into our first step, I was afraid you might be feeling a little overwhelmed, since there’s a lot we’re going to cover today. I thought it would be helpful if I created a free download that will arrive in your inbox in moments. It’s a list of all the steps we discuss in this blog post. You can print it out and tuck it away.

Now, before we get started, I want to add a disclaimer. You are an intelligent woman, so what I’m about to share may sound obvious.

Simple and frustrating, right? Yeah.

But you’re not powerless. There are very specific things you can do and things you should not do that might help your partner say “enough is enough." Or, even better, get you feeling the love, joy, and peace you’re looking for whether he or she gets sober or not.

Go through this list and if you’re doing anything that you shouldn’t, stop.

Do not nag about your partner's drinking.

Do not beg him or her to stop.

Do not yell or slam doors or storm out when you feel angry, hurt, or resentful.

Do not pour out their alcohol or switch their drinks.

Do not get other family members to talk to your loved one about their issues.

Do not pick up after him or her and act like their mother – leave the clothes on the floor, don’t make doctors appointments, or remind them to go to work.

Do not find a rehabilitation center or drive your partner to AA meetings. They can find a friend or sponsor if they lost their license.

Get yourself ready in the morning with pride – put on your nice clothing, do your hair and makeup – this is for your own care, not to please your loved one.

Surround yourself with things that give you joy – coffee with friends, your favorite music, books, and movies. Gardening, painting, exercising.

Go to a weekly support meeting or therapist.

Do not talk your friend’s or family’s ears off about your partner's issues – that’s what support groups, therapists, and our community are for.

Don't lend your loved one money or your car.

This is your work. Not anyone else's. You have complete control over your behaviors. I didn’t say it was going to be easy but this checklist is necessary.

You are ready to leave it in His hands and He will take it from you and work amazing miracles in your life.

Until you have truly done your work you, cannot ask God to do His.

You have to break the patterns and the dysfunctional cycles for Him to move mountains in your relationship.

Here’s the best news: this process doesn't need to take years, months, or even weeks. You can get started today.

If you’re ever looking for support on this journey, check out the three programs we offer. They are all work-at-your-own-pace and you’ll have lifetime access, so you’re able to take as long as you need. I know these changes take time. I’m here to support you and cheer you on.

Loving someone struggling with addiction can sometimes make things feel out of control in your relationship and your life. And when you start feeling that way, it's normal to want to control everything because it's hard to let go, right?

Letting go can feel a little scary, or like everything may fall apart if you do. So I reached out to the women in our Secret Facebook Group and asked, "what’s something you’re having a hard time letting go of?"

Tune in to this week's episode, where I answer some of those questions, and why in certain situations, letting go doesn't apply.

Find more here:

https://loveoveraddiction.com/letting-go-answers/

Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

Everything in our life is a season. Some seasons are longer than others, and some may be harder than others.

No matter what ‘season’ we may be in, we learn tips and tools to help us along the way.

When I was married to a good man that suffered from addiction, that was one of the hardest seasons of my life. I learned all kinds of tips and tools to handle the disease, and some of these, I still use to this day.

Today I’d love to share with you one simple tool that you can use every single day.

I used this tool when I was married to my ex-husband, and I started using it again recently when we moved into our new (99-year-old) house, and it started falling apart.

Find more: https://loveoveraddiction.com/simple-tool/

Join the sisterhood: https://loveoveraddiction.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

Addiction lies. It has to in order to thrive. And we, as the partners, loved ones, and spouses, we get the brunt of these lies.

Do you feel like you’re reading into everything, questioning each detail, asking clarifying questions, or wanting them to verify their story? Do you check their phone for ‘proof’ they’re telling the truth (or not)?

I did. There’s no shame or judgment here. My ex-husband lied to me constantly. So I was always on guard. I had a strong intuition, but it was continually being tested.

I felt like I was going crazy. I was exhausted. Can you relate?

So one question I hear from women in our community all the time is this: “When can I trust again?”

And that’s the question we’ll answer today.

Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/learning-to-trust-again/

Join the community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/

Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/