Living Connected - NVC

BEST SUMMER of 2022!! Thank you ALL for being patient while I soak in my summer! HUGS
In this episode Jeremey and I have a conversation about how we use NVC in our workplace and in our families. The situations that come up in the workplace for me were making sure students are listening and ready to learn, including everyone and respect the pro-nouns of others in how they want to be identified and exploring students needs in an Acro-Yoga setting. We all have many different cultures and dynamics in how our families function and operate. NVC has helped me see underneath the worry that my dad has for me or how Jeremey’s dad has for his mom. When we can see the bigger picture of the needs underneath we can follow those with a deeper sense of compassion. I hope you enjoy this conversation with me and one of our Living connected listeners Jeremey. Please don’t hesitate to email or record a voice memo for me to listen and attach it to the email I would love to hear from you. The email is in the description of every episode at the bottom. Let’s dive into this exploration!!

Resources:

Book: Never Spilt the Difference

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
Living Connected Facebook Page
Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

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Eric and I talk about Self-Empathy and how that shows up and what we can do to support ourselves during times that are hard. If any of you Living Connected listeners have any self-empathy strategies that have worked for you and or examples in your real life that it was hard to pull from your resources in self-empathy or empathy, we would love to know so we can share it with everyone in our Living Connected community. We would love to hear your voice in a voice memo or we can read your email. Of course this is a request if you feel safe for us to share those special parts of you.
Being able to be present and show up for others is hard sometimes. Learning the tools, or skills or strategies to find a balance in being able to rejuvenate our cup, or our hearts, or our capacity can support self-care and or self-empathy. There are so many mindfulness practices that can cultivate our awareness around self-empathy.

When you listen, there are moments where I have an internal dialog with my self in moments that are stressful, hard, triggering, and or anxiety driven. I explain some of the things that I say to myself so that my body isn’t so activated. It is about these small moments of struggle that we can shift our thinking and rewire our brain to have more compassion, kindness, warmth and empathy towards our body, mind and souls. It is a build up of those small moments of awareness that make that shift.

1. Listen to your body
   1. if this is hard to do, definitely find some mindfulness practices like guided mediations, somatic dialogue, or label the sensations that your body feels when certain things happen, get up and move. Our body has a beautiful way of telling us what is going on. Listen and hone in on those feelings and needs. Our body is communicating with us every day. You could say, “Thank you body for showing up and protecting me when I needed safety. I know that must have been hard”
2. Reach out to other humans who you know you feel safe with, trust feel warmth and accompaniment with. It is so important to keep these relationships close and know that you can find support when needed.
3. Recognize Capacity
   1. The moment we can attune to our capacity the moment we can shift the heavy thoughts of shame, regret, inner critic talking to us with “I am doing the best that I can in this moment” “what do I need right now?” “What is my body trying to tell me?” Pause and breath even if you don’t know how to do this. Try and find just a molecule of grace and warmth for yourself in your breath. When we can recognize our capacity we will be better equipped to have energy to explore our life-serving boundaries, and be able to use strategies that fill our cup.
4. Self-care and Self-Empathy Strategies
   
   1. Do what you need to do to process, move, exercise, feel peace, journal, sing, dance, listen to music, podcast, live band, read, go for a walk or hike in nature, something that allows you to let feelings move through you. These strategies for self-empathy are ways to meet our needs and support us in order to regulate our nervous system.

Resources:

CNVC website

NVCAcademy

Aya Caspi - 8-day NVC Retreat
Yvette ErasmusCONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
Living Connected Facebook Page
Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: htt

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We have a special guest this week Adinah Barlow and we are going to talk about Trauma and NVC. How NVC might be helpful and how it might not be helpful for a traumatic experience. This is very interesting because I am just now editing this after my major traumatic experience, and I bet this episode would have been way different if I had come in with this example of trauma. I do hope to have Adinah on again to maybe work through my car accident.

My thought is that when we have major traumatic experience NVC isn’t going to be the heal all. I think there are many other modalities that might be more healing. When we have PTSD, I don’t think nonviolent communication is going to help. We can only guess, validate, give empathy and have compassion for someone’s feelings and needs so many times and yet the vivid experience I still have remains. As a reminder that sometimes we need professional help to get us through some really tough trauma. I have a referral for neuro biofeedback, I am starting EMDR and other ways of working through this car accident.

Lets dive in and see how Adinah using NVC when she is working through trauma with her clients.

Resources:

Adinah Barlow WebsitePodcast – Project Relationship YouAdinah Barlow FacebookAdinah Barlow is a life coach, author, and AcroYogi who knows a culture of self-care will replace violence. She was a massage therapist for 14 years and did a lot of business, leadership, self-development, and trauma-informed training.

As a trauma survivor, Adinah spent 15 years healing with many tools that she now uses with her clients including Nonviolent Communication, emotional embodiment, The Work of Byron Katie, and many more. She came to know fully understand that the way we think about and treat ourselves is reflected in all of our relationships.

Adinah has been a Life Coach for 3 years and loves helping people develop an amazing relationship with themselves so that they can have wonderful relationships with everybody else. She believes that as people befriend themselves and free themselves from their own violence and mental prison, our whole culture will shift to be cooperative and sustainable.

Other Resources:
Shelby Leigh
Dr. Kathryne Kloos

Request for support from my listeners:
I need to buy a Dynamic XLR Microphone so I can have better sound quality. This can get expensive especially when mics can cost between $200 – 500$ each. I would love your support in donating 1-10$ to my Living connected Paypal account. A little goes a long way and I truly from the bottom of my heart would appreciate it. I will also give you a huge shout out on my podcast to those who have donated. If you would prefer to be anonymous that is okay too. Let me know in the notes if you would prefer not to have a shout out of gratitude.
Donations to Paypal email: [email protected]CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
Living Connected Facebook Page
Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show

I wrote out this long thing of what strategies that I remembered as I was listening to the episode for the 3rd time and now...2 weeks later or more I just don't know anymore. On Feb 25th, I got into a massive car accident. I hit ice out of nowhere. My car started to fish tail, swerved and before I knew it, my car jack-knifed into on coming traffic and I crash into a truck what seemed like face on. I am safe and banged up with a concussion. I meant to send this episode out on the 1st and that didn't happen. I could have died. Seriously though, angels bubble wrapped me and saved my life because I have no idea how I survived. It was only the middle of my car left. I have a different perspective on life and how grateful I am for the angels that showed up on the scene to help me through this traumatic event. Gifts of fucking life, if you ask me... And I will be forever grateful to my dad and everyone who was there for me. The words THANK YOU are not nearly enough.
I am still thinking about all the things we didn’t even touch on. Such as those who got COVID and have had long lasting affects of the virus and how it has changed the way you do things on a day-to-day basis. There are so many unmet needs to your health now and what you can and can’t do. I have so much love and compassion for all of you. And I wish there was something I could do.

We all have been through so so much during this global pandemic. It is a significant time of our lives to be living. The effects of COVID have truly changed so many people’s lives, physically, emotionally and environmentally. For some it has been traumatizing, feeling miserable, filled with loss and sadness so many unmet needs. For others it may have had the opposite effect where there were some new opportunities and openings for a different career path or deepening relationships and or inner growth with self-care. Eric and I talk about the improvement of the relationship with my dad and how far I have come in my own inner growth since I have started this podcast for people who want to integrate NVC into their life. This was a time to reflect on how COVID has shaped us and what we are today. Are there gifts of COVID? I would love to know your experience and to be able to share it with our listeners.

If any of you would like to share your story or thoughts or maybe answer the questions that Eric ask me. Please don’t hesitate to write me an email we would love to hear from you.

Request for support from my listeners:
I need to buy a Dynamic XLR Microphone so I can have better sound quality. This can get expensive especially when mics can cost between $200 – 500$ each. I would love your support in donating 1-10$ to my Living connected Paypal account. A little goes a long way and I truly from the bottom of my heart would appreciate it. I will also give you a huge shout out on my podcast to those who have donated. If you would prefer to be anonymous that is okay too. Let me know in the notes if you would prefer not to have a shout out of gratitude.
Donations to Paypal email: [email protected]CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
Living Connected Facebook Page
Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show

Eric and I had continued to talk after our recording and got some good stuff to add. Eric really challenged me during the previous episode and it's good to have friends who can challenge your thinking gently. He felt safe to do that and also given the response I had he can and will continue to do so. I truly believe that we grow the most when we are challenged in our thinking. Pushing the uncomfortable parts of us is learning, growth and a deeper knowing about ourselves. I really want to know where I can improve and be held accountable for and it can be a scary place to be. I hope y'all can find a little golden nugget in this short bonus episode.
Request for support from my listeners:
I need to buy a Dynamic XLR Microphone so I can have better sound quality. This can get expensive especially when mics can cost between $200 – 500$ each. I would love your support in donating 1-10$ to my Living connected Paypal account. A little goes a long way and I truly from the bottom of my heart would appreciate it. I will also give you a huge shout out on my podcast to those who have donated. If you would prefer to be anonymous that is okay too. Let me know in the notes if you would prefer not to have a shout out of gratitude.
Donations to Paypal email: [email protected]CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
Living Connected Facebook Page
Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show