Lightworkers who play in the Dark

In this episode, I have a conversation with my slave, little dickie. The D/s relationship that I have with dickie has been one of the most unpredictable and fulfilling ones I’ve ever experienced. It really taught me how little I knew about how deep and diverse D/s relationships can be. If it weren’t for kink, I probably would not have the good fortune of knowing and appreciating the many beautiful souls who have touched my life over the years. Kink and BDSM is a huge bonding element in most of my friendships. It is because kink cuts though all the superficial facades and straight to a soul connection. It gets real and deep, real fast.

I believe that my respect for dickie’s feelings elevates how he sees me as a domme. He says it makes him much more submissive to me because he feels like I care about him, and he has more trust in me. The important thing to remember is that there is an important distinction between being a domme and being a bully. A bully doesn’t care about the other person’s feelings. My willingness to evaluate and talk about Dickie’s feelings doesn’t detract at all from our DS relationship. It makes it stronger because he feels much more comfortable and safe being submissive to me. Being submissive doesn’t mean they want to be invisible. All subs want to be seen and understood. And to be submissive requires an enormous amount of trust in the domme.

The amount of personal growth and learning that I have gained through my relationships with all my personal slaves, has been exponential. The process of working things out with them has helped me keep my ego in check and taught me a lot about how to be a good person, and in turn, a good Domme. I am in the elevated position in the D/s relationship, but I am not a better person. When I have been in the wrong, and apologized for hurting my slaves’ feelings, humbling myself in this way and showing that I care makes my slaves respect me even more than before.

Underneath our D/s relationships, the foundation of friendship is always there. Real friendship and caring for one another as people has to be there, otherwise the relationship is not sustainable. This goes for all relationships. But the difference in D/s is that the understanding and quality of deference and respect from slave to Mistress is always there, in and out of scene. That’s what sets it apart from vanilla relationships and makes it magical.

It is my adamant belief that when a D/s relationship has a high level of respect, commitment and communication from both parties, success, closeness and happiness is guaranteed.

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This podcast is fully supported by my Patreon patrons - your patronage is much appreciated. As a member of my Patreon community, you will be able to connect with me in fun ways, like participating on the Q&A episodes, BDSM domination episodes, and access to my private Telegram group, where you can ask me questions every week, and do 1-on1 personal video chats with me. Become my patron by going to patreon.com/damianachiphd.

I'd like to send a very special thanks to my Patreon members – this podcast is fully supported by your patronage, and it means so much to me to know that what I’m doing here is appreciated and of value to you:

Duchess Amanda lore Rein, Andres, MaDomme, Domina Flora, sub pussy, Richard L. T., DJW, Evette R, Keith F, Mistress Olivia Holloway, Mistress Velvet, Tracey C, Andrea, Annette K, Betty, Bill B, Bill W, Chris M, Gianina M, Heavenly M, Jake, Karo K, Nodsutsamel, Sylvie, David W, Priestess Francesca, Mike L, Reelback96, Sum A

And many thanks to the editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose. 🌹

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The following are 4 really great questions from my Patreon members about BDSM as it relates to psychological and mental issues. I’m sure these same issues are on the minds of many kinksters out there, so hopefully, my responses can be of help to some of you who are listening, too. It was a pleasure to offer my responses to the following questions, asked by Kevin, Anna, Zishaan and Jake. The kink journey is an ongoing, lifelong, rewarding one. Exploring kink can bring a deeper understanding of yourself to yourself, as well as help you grow and evolve as a person. Of course, finding the right partners to explore with is of utmost importance, and it can make all the difference in the world in your experience of BDSM.

Kevin:

Hi Mistress Damiana, it’s your old friend Kevin. Here’s a question for your show: I recently I found out that I’ve been a lifelong sufferer of ADD. I see how that has clearly affected my relationships, including play BDSM relationships. I was just wondering if you’ve ever had any experience with folks with such a condition and how would you deal with that, or maybe other minor mental disabilities.

Anna:

Hi Mistress Damiana, this is Anna. I wanted to ask about the mental health aspect of BDSM. I am submissive but I have never actually done a session, so my mental health has never been to great, but over the last few years it has become worse. And I was wondering: do you think it’s possible to become mentally ill because of denying yourself to live out that side of yourself? And also do you think there’s a connection between being submissive and feeling the need to self harm, for example? I guess what I’m asking is: is it such an important part of us that we need to actively live it in order to be OK?

Zishaan:

As somebody who has a background in both clinical psychology and BDSM, how do you see the two of those intersecting, connecting relating to one another? Can BDSM be a tool of healing and growth and if so how? And also I know you have a background in Jungian psychology, so I wanted to ask you whether you have any resources or books that you would recommend people reading to learn more about the psychoanalytic side BDSM?

Jake:

Hello Mistress Chi, my name is Jacob and I have been infatuated with the world of FemDom since I was around 11 or 12 when I first discovered it. I have a memory of being around six years old and making a bet with my best friend, a girl I had known since I was 2, and if I lost the bet she had to sit on my face. Well, I intentionally lost the bet. I was always enticed by the idea of being forced to do something by some beautiful woman. I am currently 25 and though I am a very commanding and authoritative person, I am still infatuated with FemDom and have a sort of FemDom relationship with my wife. Is my love of FemDom simply indicative of my nature, or is that due to the nurture of having been exposed to FemDom for so long as a child?

Sending a personal thank you to my Patreon members:

Duchess Amanda LoreRein, Domina Flora, Richard Tackett, Andres, B, Calahn, Ebethdarlene, Lindsay P., David Z, Jacob M, Jon, Mistress Olivia Holloway, Mistress Velvet, Shamee R, Sharon T, Sum Ad, Tracey C, Bill Bumpus, Betty, Bill W, Jaye D, Karo K, Leah F, Mark R, Nodsutsamel, Patience E, Sylvie, Priestess Francesca, Mike L, and Reelback96.

And many thanks to my editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose. 🌹

➡️ Connect with Mistress Damiana Chi, Ph.D. at damianachiphd.com and on social media @damianachiphd

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Golden showers, water sports, piss play, and golden nectar toilet training...these are all different names for basically the same thing – urine play, which is such a hot and sexy topic, and a super popular fetish! In this interview with 4 of my personal subs, we break down why this is so hot for each one of them personally, and how does it make them feel dominated. I chose the 4 of them specifically because they hold such different perspectives on this topic, and they explain what it’s like from their submissive point of view. They are all subs that I personally play with, so I also describe what it feels like for me, from my dominant point of view, as I play with each of them with GS or golden nectar training. The unique relationship dynamics I have with each one of them impacts my style of play with them, as well as the range of dominant feelings I experience as I play.

It’s always interesting for me to interview my subs, which is something that I’ve been doing for over 25 years, and I learn something new all the time. I loved finding out new details about how each of my subs feel about gs play. It was revelatory to discover that Charles, my personally collared slave who I play with in a consensual non-consent way, feels like every one of the subs feels – he is turned on by the erotic fact that golden nectar is coming out of the most beautiful, private part of a woman, he feels worshipful while he is drinking it, and it is humiliating at the same time. I loved how Geo said that this discussion was educational for him and that being a part of it inspired and evolved his personal perspective of it. This is an example of how beautiful and ever evolving BDSM play can be. All subs whom I have a long-term relationships with have evolved their perspectives, kinks, fetishes and fantasies over the years. As I told Geo in the interview, there is always room to grow, expand and explore in kink and BDSM.

This podcast is fully supported by my Patreon patrons - your patronage is much appreciated. As a member of my Patreon community, you will be able to connect with me in fun ways, like participating on the Q&A episodes, BDSM domination episodes, and access to my private Telegram group, where you can ask me questions every week, and do 1-on1 personal video chats with me. Become my patron by going to patreon.com/damianachiphd.

I'd like to send a special thanks to a few new Patreon members:

Special Access Patrons: Sylvie and Bill Bumpus

Exclusive access patrons: Rae O and Andres

Thank you all so much, your patronage is so appreciated. I can’t wait to connect with you all behind the scenes.

And many thanks to the editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose. 🌹

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This interview with a recovering paypig (also called a finsub or a financial domination addict) is a really important one, and the first of its kind. We hope that everyone in the BDSM community will listen to this episode and have it be a real wake up call to what is happening to all these people who are being damaged by the people who are exploiting them for selfish gain. This interview will help to humanize paypigs, make FinDommes think about things differently, and change the way they see them for good—not as pigs and faceless objects only to be used for their wallets and thrown away. These are real people with real lives that are being negatively affected on all levels, many to devastating degrees.

Here is a direct quote from someone in the kink community to give an idea of the degree of devastation and hardship that finsubs are going through:

“I had several clients lose thousands of dollars from findom. At worst, my clients ended up owing money for their mortgage, to their lawyers, etc. There are two things I know for sure; 1) they will never get their money back and 2) they are emotionally, mentally and psychologically crushed. When my clients hit the dead end, I usually took over to figure out how to protect them from losing everything. That involved filing a police report, showing lawyers and negotiating with them (same for their mortgage), finding them a therapist for their mental health, etc."

Listening to Matt (not his real name) talk so freely in this interview, and openly about his fight against his urges to engage in the destructive addictive behavior of impulsively giving large amounts of money to fin dommes, with whom, he describes as never once having an ethical experience, really makes our hearts go out to him, and the thousands of others who struggle with this addiction.

Findommes may not even be aware of their wrongdoings because are not consciously thinking about how their actions might be negatively affecting that live human being on the other end of their DMs. They might be justifying their actions with “Well, they consented.” Consent doesn’t mean a thing when the play is not ethical. When a findomme irresponsibly takes money from a consenting finsub whose addiction is negatively affecting his financial, mental and psychological health, social life, and overall quality of life, it is wrong, and it is unethical. He is not actually a sub, but a victim of abuse.

Mistress Damiana made reference to her article, FINDOM IS NOT FEMDOM, which can be found on her blog page: podcast.damianachiphd.com/blog

Supporting finsubs is a big part of the reason why Mistress Damiana created Conscious Kink Community, a private social network, exclusive to personally-vetted members. There are strict community guidelines that prohibit the offering and requesting of financial domination, and negative judgement and abuse. There is a huge need for conscious kinksters to be in community with each other without having to deal with findommes, domme imposters, and con artists. Conscious kinksters are welcome to request to join at the link above.

Special thanks goes out to Mistress Damiana’s newest Patreon patrons for supporting this podcast!

Official Patrons: Mike L., Betty S., Priestess Francesca

Special access patrons: Duchess Amanda LoreRein

Bonus Content Patrons: The Dutchess and Tracey C.

VIP Patron: Lisa D.

If you would like to support this podcast, please become Mistress Damiana's patron by going to patreon.com/damianachiphd to join as a member. Your support is much appreciated 🙏

Much gratitude to the editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose 🌹

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this Q&A episode, Mistress Damiana Chi answers questions from her listeners, Mike, Stephen, and Jerome, who had 2 questions.

Mike:

“I was just wondering what advice you might have for someone who has trouble expressing their kink side for a number of years and doesn’t really think they are going down the right avenues and just wants to delve a bit deeper into the BDSM community but doesn’t really know where to start.”

Stephen:

“My question is about staying in good graces with your dominant. I’m a submissive and as a client and I often worry about doing the wrong thing. It’s so important to me that the dominant actually like me. I get nervous often so just any advice you could give on being a good submissive would be super interesting to me and much appreciated. Thank you!”

Jerome:

“Hello, this is Jerome from France. What would you say is the difference between kinksters, subs and slaves? Thanks a lot!”

Jerome:

“Hello I will be meeting a pro domme for the very first time shortly. What would be your recommendations to make this a success?”

Mistress Damiana answers these thoughtful questions from male subs who really care about making sure they understand the best way to go about meeting dommes, making a good first impression, and staying in their good graces. Subs who have these concerns are actually exactly the type of thoughtful, sincere, respectful sub that every domme wants to play with.

In this episode, Mistress Damiana spoke about a course for submissives called "Be Your Best Submissive Self". It is a 4-hour live, online Zoom course available to all subs of any gender worldwide. If you’re interested in getting on the mailing list to get notified for when this course is offered next, go to mistressdamianachi.com/be-your-best-submissive-self.

Also in this episode, reference was made to www.ConsciousKinkCommunity.com - a private, personally-vetted members only community of kinksters who share a like-minded consciousness about being respectful and supportive of one another, in a safe container where we all can share and connect about anything kink related. If this resonates, you are welcome to click the link above to learn more and request to join.

Special thanks goes out to Mistress Damiana’s newest Patreon patrons for supporting this podcast!

Special access patrons: Cynthia C., Mark R.

VIP Patrons: Mistress Persephone Rose, Domina Flora, Richard Tackett

Connect with Mistress Damiana Chi, Ph.D. at ​damianachiphd.com and on most social media platforms at ​@damianachiphd. Her lectures and interviews can be seen on ​YouTube.

If you would like to support Mistress Damiana’s “Lightworkers who play in the Dark” Podcast, please become her patron by going to Patreon.com/damianachiphd to join as a member, where you can connect with her in fun ways, like participating on the Q&A episodes, psychodrama domination episodes, and access to her private HiHo group, where you can do 1-on1 personal video chats with Mistress Damiana. Your support is much appreciated 🙏

And many thanks and gratitude to the editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose 🌹

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.