Let's Talk with Kaitlin Reagan

I sit down with my mother, who opened up about her decision to leave my father. She packed her bags, and moved back in with her mother (my grandma) to start over, and give me a better life. We talk about the strength that takes, the red flags she encountered, and how it changed her to be more independent, and resilient. We then talk about Francesco, how he impacted her life, and how he will always be the son in law she always wanted.

With my grief, I HATED when people would tell me to "just move on". For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me. I kept trying to "move on" to make everyone else around me happy, but it just wouldn't work. What I learned with time, is that there wasn't something wrong with me, there was something wrong with the advice that was being given to me. There is no such thing as moving on from a loved one, and I am so sorry if someone made you feel otherwise. When someone makes such an impact on your life they become a part of you, even if they aren't here physically. The memories they left you and the values they taught you will carry on within you forever. We don't ever move on, we move forward.

I had so much time to reflect after Francesco passed away. Taking time off social media allowed me to understand my life in a way I never did before. With my own personal experience with grief, I did a lot of reflecting, and learned so much about who I am. I started to understand the things that I do that I love, and the things I've done that I don't ever want to do again.

"To make no mistakes is not the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes, the wise and good learn wisdom for the future"

Have you ever stopped yourself from doing something because you feared the judgement of others? Maybe you even felt limited by the norms that society has built for us. I had an extremely hard time fitting back in with society, and even just feeling "normal" after losing my soulmate. It took a shift in my mentality, and unlocking the power that I carry, setting my authority in my own life. We may feel like our brain controls us, but once you realize you control the brain, your life changes.

The day that I lost my boyfriend to cancer, was the day that I truly felt my life was over; a pain that is indescribable. For a while I ran from this day, trying to pretend that it didn't happen just to get by. It hurt too bad to resurface. Once I found the strength, and realized I no longer wanted to hide from my truth, I felt empowered. Sharing your experience with trauma is powerful, and I want more people to understand that it's okay to do so.