292: Blended - More Than Just A Buzzword: Understanding Gaslighting

It’s episode 24 of Blended: I’m joined by another fantastic panel of guests and, today, we’re talking about gaslighting. This is a term that we’re hearing more and more, but I’m not sure it’s something that everybody fully understands just yet. There are a lot of misconceptions around exactly what it means and how it works, but ultimately the impact on a victims mental health, and the people around them, is huge. And so it’s an issue that you’ve been asking us to dive into on Blended.

Today, our guests will be exploring exactly what gaslighting means; sharing their personal experiences; discussing whether the rise in popularity of the term is a good thing or a bad thing; giving us tips on how to spot gaslighting at work and in our homes; and sharing advice on how we can help victims.

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[02.10] Introductions to our Blended panelists.

• Jolene – VP of Marketing Strategy and Communications at FarEye
• Jenn – Host of ‘Sh!t You Don't Want to Talk About’ Podcast

[05.43] The group explores what gaslighting means, and how it relates to their own experiences; where and when gaslighting can happen; and exactly what it can look and sound like.

• Self-doubt
• Narcissism
• Manipulation
• Male-female dynamics in the workplace
• Whitewashing of history
• Why empathy is in direct opposition of gaslighting

[17.59] The panel shares their personal experiences; the impact those experiences have had on their work and personal lives; and how they dealt with them.

• “I’m sorry you feel that way” vs “I’m sorry I made you feel that way”
• Zero tolerance policies and following through in the workplace
• Personal responsibility
• Conscious vs unconscious gaslighting
• Love bombing
• Broken promises
• Control

“A prime example, from my experience, was being told “you blew it out of proportion, I don’t know why you had to report that, I was just trying to help you, I think so highly of you... ” Jolene

[39.17] The group discusses the many and varied damaging impacts that gaslighting can have on victims. The gaslighting phenomenon can have many and varied adverse impacts. It can cause victims to doubt their own reality, question their sanity, and withdraw from social interactions. Gaslighting can also lead to decreased work performance, relationship difficulties, and mental health problems.

• Self-harm and suicide
• Internalization, introversion and isolation
• Further abusive relationships
• Triggering
• PTSD
• Trauma
• Anxiety and depression

“It’s like we attract it... like there’s something we haven’t dealt with, within ourselves, that causes it to repeat from other people.” Jenn

[49.23] The panel reflects on the growing popularity of the term ‘gaslighting’ and whether or not that popularity is a good thing; how we can identify gaslighting; and what we can do about it.

• Has it become a buzzword?
• Raising awareness
• Becoming desensitized through over-use
• Spotting small inconsistencies
• Writing down and recording encounters
• Setting boundaries
• Call it out when you see it
• Listen and be there
• Belief and acknowledgment
• Leave out the words “I told you so”

“The terminology and the headlines don’t necessarily bother me... but when we sensationalize these types of traumatic events, we end up disassociating ourselves from it.” Jenn

[1.09.01.] The group sums up their thoughts from today’s discussion.

RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED:

You can connect with Jolene and Jenn over on LinkedIn.

If you found this episode useful, why not check out I Said No: Managing Sexual Harassment In The Workplace or From the classroom to the boardroom: the truth about workplace bullying? Be sure to check out our other episodes! We have a lot of great content that we think you'll find engaging and interesting.

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