How To Have Hard Conversations

Hard conversations are not easy and those of us who don’t like confrontation do everything we can to avoid it. Why do we fear or avoid confrontation? Perhaps it’s because past experiences involving hard conversations did not go so well. A likely reason for that may be the inability to regulate our emotions.

Hard confrontive conversations said with the right tone of voice, and supportive body language will help engage the listener and enable that person to regulate their emotions.

Hard conversations can evoke strong emotions which then can lead to the down regulation of the higher cortex. When this occurs the conversation is over and defensiveness, combativeness, and justification take over. The positive end result we desire when engaged in a hard conversation is tempered emotions and feeling heard.

Some hard conversations involve personality and behavioral conflict. Someone who rubs you the wrong way. This person seems to know how to push your buttons. Or maybe you push their buttons. Conflict such as this often is a triggering response based on an emotion which evokes a physical neuro chemical reaction in the body that leads to the disabling of the Higher Cortex. This is called the “Amygdala Hijack”

Psychologist Daniel Goleman first used the term “amygdala hijacking” in his 1995 book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

It refers to situations wherein the amygdala hijacks control of a person’s ability to respond rationally to a threat. This then leads to the person reacting in an intense, emotional way that may be out of proportion to the situation.

Without the ability to use their frontal lobes, a person is unable to think clearly. Therefore, they are not in control of their responses.
Going into a difficult conversation? Ask yourself:

How can I best get my message across, strengthen the relationship, build trust, and achieve a desirable outcome?
Check out Scott's video on How to Have Hard Conversations https://studio.youtube.com/channel/UC-hHuramLvFvtXFp670wdcA/videos/upload?filter=%5B%5D&sort=%7B%22columnType%22%3A%22date%22%2C%22sortOrder%22%3A%22DESCENDING%22%7DPlease email us your questions and give us feedback to: [email protected]Subscribe for our free 66 Seconds with Shandel Group at shandel.comVisit our website http://www.shandelgroup.com

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