Jem Girls Podcast

Merry non-denominational winter-time celebration!

Hah, just kidding, we’re not secular like that over here in at the Jem Girls podcast because we know this time of year is really all about one holiday, the most important of them all in the Christian calendar: Gurenenthar’s Ascendance!

Oh, sorry, did we say “Christian” calendar? We meant pagan demon worshippers, which, in far too many ways, are basically the same thing.

Anyway, that very specific Buffy the Vampire Slay reference aside, we are not heading home (by which we mean “Jem and the Holograms”) for the holidays. Instead, we’re taking you to Eternia (and Etheria) for a Christmas special inlcuding everyone’s favourite fabulous, hella gay bondage twins: He-Man and She-Ra.

Yes, the eyebrows-on-too-much-fleek royal children of Eternia do celebrate Christmas, at least, they do after this holiday train wreck of a special is over. Yes, the 80s gifted us yet another messy Christmas special. At least Skeletor is in the mix to keep things watch-able.

So strap on your Christmas harness (just like He-Man!) and bust out the Manchine-nog (we won’t even bother explaining that one) for a Christmas romp you didn’t know you didn’t need!

Get ready and buckle up, because dance is heading to Zagreb! No, wait, sorry, not “dance,” as in the practice of moving one’s body to music (they probably have that up out in Croatia already), we mean “Danse,” the person with a parasitic blob for hair who really can’t dance despite their name.

Why is Danse, accompanied by the whole Jem and the Hologram crew, heading to the former Yugoslavia? To find her mother or something. Who cares. What we’re really here for is the problematic portrayal of a foreign culture that Jem usually brings and, boy howdy, does this episode deliver!

You got frame ups. You got societal corruption. You got evil dance directors who wield more power than “lowly” doctors. Yes, this episode has everything you didn’t ask for and far more, basically making it American propaganda. Which is pretty much what Jem is anyway, so enjoy!

We did a bit of research into this episode, more than the usual none, because we already knew it would deal with some heavy topics. Top of them all, of course, is violence towards WendigoWilliams in any shape, way, or form. Fortunately, the showrunners behind Charmed understand how endangered the Wendigowilliams population (Only one has been sighted in the last decade! Mind you, she does keep getting sighted... and had a TV show. We talked about it for a minute!) is and we're happy to report not a single Wendigowilliams was harmed during the filming of this episode.

For anyone not familiar with the traditional Indigenous myth of the "Wendigo," or the modern urban myth of the Wendy Williams, then that whole paragraph probably meant nothing but nonsense to you. Honestly, you don't even need a knowledge of either to see the nonsense.

Same goes for this episode of Charmed, because, while the story does prominently feature a Wendigo, what we're really seeing is more of a... werewolf? Like, mama, if a wolf talks like a duck, hunts by the full moon like a duck and infects via bite/scratch like a duck, then, henny, that wolf is certainly were.

Sorry, mixing metaphors for no reason again. Getting back on trackula.

In sum, this wendigo is more of a werewolf. Not that its central to the plot (or our conversation) much at all. We just wanted to make sure you got at least a bit of edumacation today. Listen and enjoy!

Wow! Our collective prayers have been answered! A Jem and the Holograms movie is coming out!!
That is, at least, what the Jem fandom was saying in 2015 when the film was first released. Or, maybe they really weren't, because literally no one saw this trainwreck of a movie. If you can even call it that.
Made for a paltry five million dollars (pretty lean for a Hollywood movie) this modern, YouTube-heavy, trying-way-too-hard-to-appeal-to-young-girls-in-the-worst-way recreation of Jem and the Hologram misses all the marks. Hell, it's not even on the shooting range.
Imagine a hellscape of self-created teenage angst, far too many Google Maps transitions and remove any of the zany nonsense that makes Jem so great and you get an idea of what this movie has to offer. So, nothing.
But our duty must be done! If "Jem" is in the title, we simply must talk about it at length!
Our Jem-journey is slowly coming to an end, so give this hot mess (about an even larger hot mess) a listen!

With high inflation and the housing crisis plaguing our generation, the last thing we hot young things need is a demon who can steal the only thing of value we have left: our youth.

Unfortunately for the bitches living in the Charmed-verse, such a demon (who goes by the name of "Javna") actually exists. Although he is, as the Charmed Wiki so savagely calls him, "a low-level demon", he still manages to turn some 25-year-old trick named Brittany into an old hag who looks like a 1000-year-old corpse who crawled out of a crypt.

The Triple P Posse (aka Piper, Prue and Phoebe) catch onto his youth-sucking ways, and after a super intense eyeball battle between Prue and Javna, our favourite young witches manage to vanquish him. Thank God, cause Brittany was looking hella rough and I did not want her on my Skrenes for a second longer!