128 - Bring the Troops Back to Home Goods

Explicit content warning

12/22/23 • 79 min

It's Christmastown

JESSICA RITCHEY supports a HOLIDAY FOR HEROES (2019) because:

It's not a movie you watch, it's a pill you take ...

THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ...

PART ONE

Save a Troop Child ... "Dad History" - Michael Jackson ... Jessica: Tubi Magus ... Treat Williams ... Marc Blucas ... Muscle Twink Death ... NCAA athlete ... BDUs, dad bod ... Hallmark Hall of Fame vs. This ... Hallmark's Jehovah's Witness energy ... Home Goods ... S'mores contest ... Slighting the troops ...

PART TWO

Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Military re-up; bringing a battalion home ... Missed dead-brother opportunity ... Combat without consequence ... The GLeeMONEX Initiative ... Job-solution man ... Spot the Angel: No ghost, no one, or everyone, or the Army ... Eat Your Heart Out: Coffee with warlords; thos beans; nog contest/Mexican chocolate nog; Waingro Counter; instant latte ...

PART THREE

The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Episodes 57, 86, and 5 ... Overdetermined: Dance at the barn; Hallmark war-zone quit; Ronin; support-the-troops speech ...

PART FOUR

Crossover: The Initiative; The Hurt Locker; Black Hawk Down II; Penny Dreadful ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Co-workers Jade and Pam; Linda Fiorentino as Jade; high school principal; Patton ... Who's the Real Villain: Nothing happened, the Neocons, imperialism ... The fruitlessness of this movie and the GWOT ...

PART FIVE

Rating: 2.5 ... The Leftovers: Cold breath, hot sun ... Shot in Connecticut ... Wet dock (reprise) ... Wrapped hockey stick (reprise) ... Make with the death! ... IMDB Dive: 1800 soap episodes; Blucas and Brawl in Cell Block 99; Breckin Meyer; Marcia Clark ... George Templeton Strong ... "I love that you're so into history" ... "I'm the eggnog king!" ... Feliz Navidad! ... A Royal Corgi Princess/Christmas; A Pinch of Portugal; Love, Inheritance and Lunch ... Plugs ... Merry Christmas!

All music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "Ashokan Farewell," by Jay Ungar.

Jessica's Twitter HERE • BlueSky HERE • Patreon HERE

JESSICA RITCHEY supports a HOLIDAY FOR HEROES (2019) because:

It's not a movie you watch, it's a pill you take ...

THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ...

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Episodes 57, 86, and 5 ... Overdetermined: Dance at the barn; Hallmark war-zone quit; Ronin; support-the-troops speech ...

PART FOUR

PART FIVE

All music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "Ashokan Farewell," by Jay Ungar.

Jessica's Twitter HERE • BlueSky HERE • Patreon HERE

Previous Episode

127 - A Gazebo Movie with Christmas Attached

Grab a 2x4 for the gazebo, it's A VERY MERRY BRIDESMAID (2021), but...

Let's get back to the ugly Christmas sweater bachelor party ...

THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather

PART ONE

Meet me at the gazebo ... Sleepytime ... Bright Lights, Big Sweater ... O'Henry ≠ Bierce ... Long trip, short distance ... Self-improvement procrastination ... Christmas Eve/Day weddings/birthdays ... Knifed by your own brother ...

PART TWO

Join the Patreon, hear the Fascist Date story ... Inside the Game ... Drizzle, the condom ... Institutional Haley Joel Osment bias ... Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Paul, Julia and real estate; Julia, the Reasonable Bridezilla, and a bespoke dress ... Berating clerks in Jeb Mode ... Dress delivery epilogue ... "Tree amateur," Emily Osment directed and the Earnest Hallmark style ...

PART THREE

Spot the Angel: Nana and multigenerational haunting ... Get out and see some of the world only for a little bit ... Dad's health issues ... How a Hallmark executive sees the world ... Eat Your Heart Out: Lobster stuffed with tacos; Argentinian Christmas cookies; load-bearing hot cocoa; concluding birthday cake; the Bears lost; empty beer bottles ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Episodes: 1, 27, The Best Fries in the City, 4, 60, 125, the most important gazebo since "Stargazeboing at the Time Comet", 70 ...

PART FOUR

Overdetermined: Not really; overdetermined false starts; What Would Your Grandma Do? ... Crossover: Somebody Somewhere, with a Hallmark Script; Chicago Wedding Strike Force ...

PART FOUR

The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Not really, not Julia, or Paul, real estate buyer, gazebo erector ... Fitzcarraldo ... Rating: 3 ... IMDB Dive: Emily Osment, Annie Potts, Wallace Shawn; Deidrich and In the Dark; Tracy Andreen and Elena Valdez ... One of the Elite Princesses in the World Renowned Royal Court of the Tournament of Roses Parade Presented by Honda ... Gift-wrap punking our female lead ... Minor Emergency with Gordie LaSalle ... Merry Christmas!

All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and Mozart's "Sequentia Rex Tremendae - Requiem In D Minor, K 626" performed by the Vienna Philharmonic and Chorus, conducted by Sir Georg Solti.

Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: Here.

Next Episode

129 - The Almost Famous of Brain Cancer

We're checking out cemeteries for when MS. CHRISTMAS COMES TO TOWN (2023), but...

You're gonna wanna braise that elf ...

THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather

PART ONE

Blood tests ... Letters to Santa: 'Are You Dead?' Edition ... New big TV ... Gatorade trauma basketball ... WWI of motion smoothing ... Jobless with SSRI's ...

PART TWO

Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: College lover, Washington New England ... It's the terminal diagnosis show! ... Miss Christmas: Origins ... Cancer, Grief and Kindness: The Movie ... Commendably adult ...

PART THREE

Spot the Angel: Travis or Boss Elizabeth ... Eat Your Heart Out: "Christmas Cacciatore"; braised elf; candy-cane straw cocoa; Hogan's Donuts math theory; peanut butter Christmas mice (tie) ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Episode 83, "But Wait, There's Buckley" and Episode 94, "The Ecstasy of Competence" ... Overdetermined: No ... Seventeen minutes of modeling good behavior ... It's not Hall of Fame! ... Mad Dog on JFK ...

PART FOUR

The Swagony of Defeat: Yes, but it fits? ... The White Collar reverse camera ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Murray the Bus Driver! ... Rating: 3 ... Barbara Niven Appreciation Station ... The Leftovers: Power Man Jason Bourque ... Jason London ... Scatting ... Sold-out sound FX ... CSI Cyber, turning red, podcast ... Ken Cosgrove's scarlet suit and Amanda's Christmas jockey ... Merry Christmas!

All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "The CSI Cyber Podcast Theme" by J.W. Friedman.

Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: Here.