051 - A TV Edit of Glengarry Glen Ross

Explicit content warning

04/16/19 • 73 min

It's time to FLIP THAT ROMANCE (2019) and reveal : This movie was bad ... Whose fault is it? ... Like a fountain-drink suicide of Hallmark going wrong ... Expanding the Hallmark topic zone ... Jeb, pain management and HGTV ... Tyler James Tyler LOVED the flips in this movie ... Welcome to Casa Leone ... Apartment dwellers and home builders agree: This is a valueless story conceit ... Heroically making human needs more expensive ... A house flipper vs. the concept of house flipping ... "Little Boxes" flipping renovation ... My Bad Flip: leaching all humanity from this concept ... BREAK ... The Expositional Challenge: Nice ... The one (and one and one) weird thing about this movie ... Costco Depot ... A whole town of bad romance and renovation stans ... Favor? This is your JOB ... Rich people jonesing for this next score to get well ... Chandler, Ross, Indy ... Leni Riefenstahl's Christmas Village ... Charlie Sheen smug vibe ... Thawed-out romance, with trolling ... Everything that flatlines might converge ... BREAK ... Substack Blog Plug ... Beaten by alumni ... Spot the Angel: A whole town! ... Drag This House: Home design center "class" options; contractor spec house picks; the Katherine Heigl kitchen; House Beautiful; debased design language; more humid than humid; conceptually beige and easy to sell; wet-paint color decisions ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: In the Heart of Hearts of Spring ... Eat Your Heart Out: The Hallmark debut of rosé; buttchugging; this is how old you are now; excruciating lasagna scene; shut up and eat; just so rude ... Overdetermined: Flower arrangement ... Rating: 1 ... Mateen Cleaves Appreciation Station ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: "Epic fail" and "hangry," welcome to the canon ... First-opportunity kiss ... Positive gaysian character ... Character actor with a good IMDB page ... "Have a healthy breakfast" music ... Overbidding by $18,000 like a moron ... Time-bending countertops ... "There are opportunities here" ... Inspirational five-foot rose mural ... I thought we were going to hit it out of the park with this flip ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "Cantaloop" by US3 • "More Human Than Human," by White Zombie • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

Previous Episode

050 - Is This Going to Lead to McBanjo?

It's time for 2018's LOVE, OF COURSE, the harvest festival and : All right, Tumbleweed, let's row ... Your call to the Winklevosses is important ... THEME ... Good evening ... Dave's not pulling his weight ... Laughing out loud at "Love, Of Course" ... Golf movie? ... Love, Tautologically ... The Jim Furyk-Hale Irwin Axis ... Good! Mostly nothing, badly paced ... Kelly Rutherford and Cameron Mathison Appreciation Station ... Less densely plotted than Ski School ... BREAK ... Plot in 15 Minutes Max: Ex-accountant, Lion of the PTA ... Gossip Girl swag standards ... Internet of Things kitchen ... Farm-to-A&M ... Mathison Poppin' ... Moms not hitting the release button ... Buff, friend-adjacent professor ... Canadian science-fiction reference ... Graciously Gossip Girling ... Noah, from the School of Harvest Studies ... Consenting to a harvest festival and romance ... Rutherford and Mathison are too good for the fakeouts ... Kissing, then sharing blood type ... Avoiding the conversation and conclusion for a passive quit ... Too adultly acted to be this childish ... Was our frustration intentional? ... Phoef Sutton shout-out ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Zero, but with child and black-friend fakeouts ... US Olympian, America's Sweetheart, Gabby Douglas and missed Gymkatas ... Rotary texting ... Orchard largesse ... Eat Your Heart Out: Classic pumpkin-zucchini muffins; muffin batter; pumpkin bowling; bread bowl; two bar visits; Untouchables; apple cider, pear cider; Hallmark doesn't believe that salad exists; alienatingly normal plate of penne and garlic bread; unappetizing/pornographic farmer's market fare ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: All Things Valentine romance hatred, Bookstore Boss Goes Bonkers! tabloid reportage romance hatred and the Hearts of Spring universe ... Bromides in the air ... The Balkan connections to the Hallmark universe ... Overdetermined: Lonnnnnng clip; Marco Polo; incredible root metaphor; friend advice, homemade soup; thoughtful enough overdetermination ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes, matching sheets, Mr. Huggsy ... Letters to Santa plug ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Effective daughtering ... The Quotable Gus Van Houten ... Makenzie Vega Appreciation Station ... Competent movie reference ... Missed Kiss #1 and physical space ... Normal-movie direction ... McBanjo ... Chloe Caroline ... Pumpkin waste ... Rating: 3 ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

Next Episode

052 - Dr. Chocolate's Great Metamorphosis

It's undercover boss time with EASTER UNDER WRAPS (2019) and : A special message from the dead ... "You have 8 vitamins" ... Ramps! ... Crass lead-in ... CREDITS ... Food based and not good ... Like eating a brick of cream cheese ... Good Capitalists > Bad Capitalists ... A fairy tale of business-shaming ... A framed photo of the undercover boss in HR's office ... BREAK ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot cleanup ... Spot the Angel: Twinkly black couple fakeout ... *Bane voice* Chocolate bunny ... Eat Your Heart Out: Iffy-looking chocolate; the Cavendish Egg; butterfly surprise; Wedgewood-ass chocolate; large feeding-frenzy-sized egg; sidewalk cheese; 52 eggs; things that do not go with chocolate; a Klosterman of contradictions; reference new foods, default to comfort foods; Dave singing ... BREAK ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Back to Seattle; Jason Giambi; Mira's swank apartment in Lucky in Love; you killed one Gubelmann by looking at it; Hallmark's Wicker Man and Mulholland Drive update ... Overdetermined: The Delicate Sound of Chocolate vs. Sensuality and Experiences over Feelings ... Ghost, with snakes ... Zen and the Hallmark Cohens ... BREAK ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Solid yes, no friends ... The invention of business lying ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 3 (average) ... Hippity-Hop Fizz ... Rating: 2 ... Talk about your process ... Extremely representative Hallmark fare ... Brendan Penny, ESPN ... BREAK ... Letters to Santa: Bupkes! ... The Leftovers: Foster Cavendish, German immigrant ... Erin or Erika ... Cavendish Chocolate and Topps cards ... Chaz and Trent for Chocmate and Untuckit ... Witness to a Great Becoming ... Midafternoon bedtime ... Lucy and Ethel chocolate clumsiness ... Early antagonism quit ... WKL News ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "Ramp! (The Logical Song)" by Scooter • "Chocolate City," by Parliament • "Chocolate Sundae" by Stan Getz and Oscar Peterson • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane