79 Suicide's Devastating Impact on Those Left Behind

Interior Integration for Catholics

08/02/21 • 57 min

Dr. Peter brings you inside the inner world of so many parents, spouses, children, and siblings of those who died by suicide. Through an imagination exercise, research, quotes from family members, and the Internal Family Systems model of the person, he invites you to a deeper understanding of other others experience a loved one's suicide.
Lead-in
1. The world is full of ‘friends’ of suicide victims thinking ‘if I had only made that drive over there, I could have done something.’ —Darnell Lamont Walker an artist; a writer, photographer, painter, and filmmaker.
1. Ok, so we're continuing to discuss suicide here, we're taking on the tough topics
1. And I want to start with a caution -- if you have lost a loved one to suicide, this episode may be really healing but it also may be really difficult. If you are raw and struggling with a death, be really thoughtful about when and how you listen to this. Pay attention to your window of tolerance and if it's too much right now, know that I respect that and I invite you to approach this topic in a way that is right for you, with help from a counselor, a spiritual director, a trusted friend, somebody you know.
1. Also, this imagination exercise will be hard to really get into if you're driving or engaged in other activities. You can try it, but it's going to be really emotionally evocative for many people. I suggest that you create a good space to engage with
1. Imagine looking through your front window and seeing a police cruiser pull up. One uniformed police officer gets out and a woman in plainclothes and they slowly walk to your door. They ring the doorbell. You open the door. The officer removes his hat and tucks it under his arm. The man seems nervous and clears his throat. The woman introduces herself and tells you she is the victims' assistance coordinator or something like that for your county. She asks your name. You give it. She asks if they can come inside and talk with you. "We have very difficult news for you," she says with sympathy in her brown eyes. Your heart stops beating. The officer looks away, he looks like he'd be anywhere else, rather than here with you. You let them in, now only vaguely aware of your surroundings, the shape your living room is in right now.
1. From the couch, in a gentle, matter-of-fact and very calm manner , the victim service coordinator tells you that the one you so love, you so cherish in the world is dead. She names the name. Yes, it's verified. Yes, there is no mistake. How, how did this happen you ask. The officer explains the details of the citizens' reports called in earlier in the day. He was the first law enforcement officer on the scene, got there just before the EMTs, he had photographed the body, taken notes, conducted the brief investigation. His throat catches. There are tears in his eyes. He hates this part of the job. He tells a few details of the suicide scene. You need to know this, he says, I'm required to tell you. The woman reaches out her professional hand to you, offering her version of compassion.
1. Observe what's going on inside you right now, as you enter into this scene in your imagination. What is happening in your body, your thoughts, you emotions, your impulses, your desires? Let yourself enter into this experience
1. The victims' assistance coordinator is discussing a few details "Things I have to tell you" she says. Standard protocols in situations like this. Something about confirming the identity in the morgue, something else about an autopsy. Something about who you can lean on in your support network family and friends. Something about how hard this all is to take in at once. And there are some government forms to fill out. And a very nicely designed brochure entitled "Surviving the Loss of a Loved One to Suicide" that you get to keep for handy reference. Do you have any questions at this point she asks? Yes, we are sure it's your loved one. The identification was very clear, there is no mistake.
1. Stay with this experience for just a minute if you can without losing your grounding.
1. See if you can just accept what's going on inside -- and acceptance doesn't necessarily mean endorsement -- see if you can accept what's going on inside and really experience it -- the feelings, the impulses, the assumptions, the thoughts, the beliefs, the implications, whatever is coming up.
1. Do you notice different parts within you? Different modes of being, maybe different messages coming to you?
1. You may just have experienced a taste, a sip of the cup that 300,000 parents, siblings, children and spouses of those who die by suicide experience each year in the US, and millions worldwide. Hang o...

08/02/21 • 57 min

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