IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

Managing your emotions is POWERFUL!

Last week we talked about the power of managing YOUR OWN emotions.

We discussed how it is an opportunity for you as a parent to turn tough parenting moments into powerful parenting moments.

We talked about how managing your emotions will help you connect with your teen, teach by example, and be intentional in the way you parent. Today I wanted to dig in a little deeper and discuss How to Manage Your Emotions.

3 A's to help with emotion.

• Awareness
  • This one is huge!
  • Many parents are not truly aware of how or what they are feeling. They simply know that they don't like what they are feeling.
  • Increase your awareness of what the feeling is and where you experience the emotion.
    • I know that anxiety for me is a tightness in my neck and upper chest.
      • When I feel anxious, I tend to focus on what can go wrong.
    • Anger is a tense sensation in my chest and my face.
      • When I'm angry I have a hard time thinking. I hyper-focus on what I'm angry about and can't let it go.
  • Explore what thoughts lead to the emotion.
• Acceptance
  • Again, this one is HUGE!
  • So many parents judge themselves and their emotions.
  • They think, "Anger is bad," or "I shouldn't be mad."
  • They make it mean something about themselves like, "I'm a bad parent because I am so mad."
  • Emotions just mean that you are human.
• Allow it
  • I would even go so far as to embrace it.
  • Stop trying to change it.
  • Stop trying to push it away.
  • Stop trying to ignore it.

These three A's go hand in hand. Getting better at one of them will help you do the others better.

This takes practice.

Don't expect to be perfect, or think you should be doing better. Those are judgements, just allow the emotions as they are, accept them for what they are, and become more aware of them.

Think of a beachball.

Imagine yourself trying to hold a beachball under water.

How much effort would that take?

Now, imaging the beachball trying to rise to the surface. Keep mentally pushing that beachball down. What color is the ball? How big is it?

Often times we treat out emotions like pushing a beachball under water. It takes lots of effort, it makes it hard to really see the beachball, and it just keeps trying to come to the surface.

When we allow the metaphorical beachball, our emotions, to sit on the surface we can then become more aware of them and more intentional.

Use the model to manage your emotions.

• Do some work in the thought line:
  • Explore what thoughts are creating your emotions.
  • What do you think about experiencing negative emotions?
  • Why am I thinking this?
• Do some work in the feeling line:
  • How does it feel?
  • How would I describe it?
  • Where do I feel it in my body?
• Do some work in the action line:
  • How do I act when I feel this way?
  • How do I want to act when I feel this way?
• Look at your results.
  • What results are you currently getting?
  • What results would you like to get?
  • What are you willing to feel in connection with your desired result?

Call to ACTION!

Join my group coaching program if you'd like to dive de

Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?

Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.

It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!

1. Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
2. Download the debrief
3. Start with your own internal debrief.

What Do You Want?

Most of us think we have a pretty good idea about what we want.

When someone asks us, "What do you want for your birthday?" or "What do you want for Christmas?" we can usually come up with an answer pretty quickly.

So, I want to do an exercise with you. This is an exercise that I have done with some of my past students, foster kids, my own kids, and often with my clients.

Quick Exercise

• Step #1
  • Pause this episode and write a list of 10 things that you really want.
  • I'm serious, if you want to do this exercise as if you were one of my clients, do not listen beyond this point until you've created your list of 10 things that you REALLY want.
• Step #2
  • Review your list and see how many of the things you listed that you actually have right now.
  • If you're like most people, you will have listed things that you do not have.
• Step #3
  • Finish listening to this podcast episode.
• Step #4
  • Make your list of 30 wants alternating from something you currently have and you want to something you don't have and you want. Then repeat that pattern until you've come up with 30 wants.

The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Parenting with Perspective!

Do you want to become confident in your parenting?
Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?
Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?
Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?

You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Parenting with Perspective!
As a member, you'll get:

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Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?

Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.

It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!

1. Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
2. Download the debrief
3. Start with your own internal debrief.

Why is purpose so important?

In Lewis Carroll's book, Alice in Wonderland, Alice comes to a fork in the road and asks,

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
'I don't much care where -' said Alice.
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat."

Many parents have never really taken the time to explore their purpose as a parent, which is totally understandable. I mean, it's not like anyone really ever asks us to think of things like this.

Without a parenting purpose, it's easy to get distracted from what is most important to you.

Without a defined purpose, role, or vision, you don't have the guidance of a goal.

When we take time to define our purpose as a parent, we focus on the results that WE would like to achieve in OUR lives and in OUR role as parents.

Defining our purpose gives us purpose and direction.

Defining our purpose makes us proactive instead or reactive.

Who gets to define YOUR purpose?

First, let's look at the word define vs. find.

I've heard people talk about finding their purpose. That's a little different. Finding suggests that we are looking for something. Finding suggests that we are at the mercy of whether or not we find whatever it is we are looking for. Finding puts our focus on something outside of ourselves.

Defining our purpose is something within our control. Rather than looking for something outside of ourselves, we are looking within ourselves and creating our purpose. We are the ones in control. We are the ones creating the definition of our role as a parent.

Your role and purpose will be unique to you. It will be shaped by your values, your characteristics, your life experiences, and the impact that you want to have. In other words, YOU are defining your own purpose as a parent.

I have a friend who is big into hunting and camping, and everything outdoors. He see's his role as a teacher and example in passing down their family traditions and the importance of hunting, camping, fishing and other things.

I have another friend who believes it is her role to be an example of having an open mind, being accepting of others, and treating others with love and kindness.

I believe that my role is to be a coach, teacher, and example. This gives my guidance and direction in ALL parenting situations.

How to define your purpose.

• Brainstorm
  • Take 5-10 minutes to write your thoughts on this.
  • Look inward:
    • What are your values?
    • What is your role?
    • How would you like to be remembered?
• Define
  • Clearly write down your purpose.
  • Make it clear and concise.
  • Make sure it is aligned with your values.
• Refine
  • Your purpose doesn't need to be set in stone.
  • You can change and refine your purpose as you change and grow.
  • Your purpose is alive and ever-changing.

Remember, this is YOUR purpose. You get to define it. You can do it your own way. There is no right or wrong way to do this. If you want help with this, you can join my FREE Facebook challenge and access the FREE download to walk you through defining your purpose.

Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?

Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.

It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!

1. Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
2. Download the debrief
3. Start with your own internal debrief.

Mental and Emotional Health Go Hand In Hand

May is mental health month, so I keep seeing lots of posts about mental health.

I wanted to take a minute and share my thoughts on this.

I believe that mental and emotional health go hand in hand. Without one, you cannot have the other.

If you want to strengthen one, you'll have to strengthen the other.

If you strengthen one, you'll strengthen the other.

Mental and Emotional Health go together like the chicken and the egg.

You can't really separate them.

What is Mental Health

I believe mental health is something that EVERYONE has! It's kind of like physical health, if you're alive, you've got it to some extent.

Just like physical health, there are things you can do to improve your mental health.

First, here's how I define mental health.

Mental health is your ability to be aware of your thinking and to be intentional with how you think.

That's it!

You are not your thoughts, you are the thinker of your thoughts!

As the thinker, you have the power to

What Is Emotional Health

I define emotional health as the ability to experience any and ALL emotions and to be able to identify and process them.

One of the problems that I see is when people label emotions as "good" of "bad", often it's positive or negative.

The problem with this is that it sends the wrong message, that negative or "bad" emotions should be avoided, and that positive emotions or the only good ones.

The truth is, that humans are designed to feel a wide range of emotions.

It's empowering to know that feeling anxiety or anger doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you, in fact, it means you have some emotional health because you are experiencing an emotion.

How to Strengthen Your Mental and Emotional Health

I know I sound like a broken record, but the most powerful thing you can do to help your teen strengthen their mental or emotional health is to strengthen your own.

You can show them the example of being someone who's aware of their thoughts and intentional when it comes to their thoughts.

You can be the example of allowing any and all emotions and identifying and processing the emotion.

Share The Love!

One of the most powerful things you can do to change from the inside out is to share your growth and experience with others.

By BEing the change you want to see, you will start to inspire others.

Share your wins.

Share your growth.

Share your successes.

Share your resources and tools.

BE the example of what is possible when it comes to parenting.

CALL TO ACTION

Join my free Be the Change training starting next week. It will all be happening on my Be the Change Challenge Facebook Group to know when I go live.

JOIN BE THE CHANGE FB GROUP!

Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?

Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.

It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!

1. Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
2. Download the debrief
3. Start with your own internal debrief.

1. Everything is Energy: The core message is that everything, including ourselves, our emotions, and the world around us, is made up of energy. Understanding this fundamental concept sets the stage for managing our overall well-being.
2. Emotional Intelligence Matters: Developing emotional intelligence is crucial. It involves identifying and comprehending our emotions, knowing how they feel, where we feel them, and connecting the dots between our feelings and thoughts. This understanding is a roadmap to better manage our energy.
3. Law of Attraction is Always On: The Law of Attraction isn't a switch; it's a constant force. Our emotions and energy determine what we attract into our lives. If we emit stress and anxiety, we'll likely draw in more of the same. Being mindful of our emotional state is key to shaping our experiences.
4. Mind Management is Energy Management: Our minds, not just our brains, play a pivotal role in managing our energy. We have the power to choose our thoughts, intentionally shifting our attention from thoughts that bring undesirable emotions to those that evoke positive feelings. This is how we take charge of our energy.
5. Gratitude as a Superpower: Gratitude is highlighted as a super-emotion and a quick route to raising our vibration. Practicing gratitude can swiftly shift our emotional state from stress and anxiety to feelings of gratitude, peace, and happiness. It's presented as a powerful tool for effective emotional management.

***If you join the Impact Basic Membership for one year, I’m going to throw in 1 coaching session each month. (That’s 12 sessions for FREE!)***

GET THE BLACK FRIDAY SPECIAL NOW!

Imagine having a life coach in your back pocket for a whole year to help you tackle whatever your teen throws at you. Imagine how good at parenting you'd become--You'd be like a ninja-parenting-blackbelt. If you had someone to help you work through tough parenting moments, someone to help you feel happier and more confident, someone to keep you on track and accountable, what would be possible for you and your family?

Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?

Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.

It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!

1. Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
2. Download the debrief
3. Start with your own internal debrief.