IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

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Mental Health vs Mental Illness vs Mental Disorder

Lots of people use the terms "mental health," "mental illness," and "mental disorder" interchangeably.

For me, mental health and mental illness refer to two different things.

For me, Mental Health refers to:

• Mental and emotional well being.
• The ability to be aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and how they relate to their actions.
• The ability to process thoughts and emotions, both positive and negative or large and small.
• It's the ability to problem solve and overcome struggles and challenges.

On the other hand, Mental Illness and Mental Disorders refer more to diagnoses like:

• Depression
• ADD/ADHD
• Bipolar, Identity, and Personality disorders,
• Eating disorders
• PTSD
• Sevier Anxiety
• Schizophrenia

Mental Health and Emotional Health Go Hand in Hand

We talked about mental health earlier. Let's take a minute and talk about Emotional Health.

For me, Emotional Health is the ability to experience any and ALL emotions, good or bad, negative or positive, happy or sad, from one extreme to the other. In addition to being able to experience these emotions, it's also important to be able to identify them, process them, and appreciate them.

I Focus on Improving Mental and Emotional HEALTH!

Again, I'm not a doctor, therapist, or counselor. I want to make that clear! But, we can all improve our mental & emotional health.

There's a misconception that only certain people can help others, especially teens, improve their mental health. Yes, this might apply to mental illness and disorders, but mental health is somethi

I can help you improve your mental health.

Everyone can improve their mental and emotional health in one area or another. And, like physical health, we have to power to do most of our own mental and emotional health work for ourselves, on our own.

Many times developing and bolstering our mental health is just a simple matter of changing how we think. Sometimes it's adding new routines and habits to our lives.

Call to ACTION!

January is the time to join my group coaching program!

I promise that this will help you become the parent of your dreams. You will develop the skills to be intentional, to turn struggles in to strengths, and to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen.

Plus, I'm joining forces with 3 other coaches to offer you the BEST parenting membership EVER!

The Doors Are Open! Become a Member of Firmly Founded Parents!

Do you want to become confident in your parenting?
Are you ready to stop power struggling with your teenager?
Do you just want help and support from other parents just like you?
Are you ready to build a rock-solid relationship with your teen?

You can achieve all of this and more by becoming a member of Firmly Founded Parents!
As a member, you'll get:

• 🔥 Exclusive trainings for parenting teens in 2021
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• 🏆 2 coaching sessions/month with our expert coaches
• 🎯 Learn ways to have a powerful impact on your teen's life
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Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?

Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.

It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!

1. Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
2. Download the debrief
3. Start with your own internal debrief.

"Send Ben a text"

What is your present?

This is where you have power and control.

What you think about your past or your future is in the present. You have the power to control how you will think about your past and future from now on. What you currently think and believe creates how you feel and act, which determines your current reality and results.

We are creating our future right now in the present by the way we think, feel, and behave.

How you feel in regards to your past or future is determined by what you think in the present.

Your results have been created by beliefs, feelings, and actions. Your present-self is a reflection of what you currently think and feel.

Many of your present patterns and habits have been formed in your past and carried into your present life. Without intention, these habits will most likely carry over into your future as well.

The present is a powerful place to explore your current results and how you are creating those.

What is your present-self creating for your future-self?

Where are you going?

We can look at our present habits and patterns and look towards the future and see what our future results will likely be if the present habits patterns go unchanged.

When we focus on our past and define ourselves by our past, we feel regret.

When we focus the future of our dreams and define ourselves by our potential, we feel hope and empowered.

Identify some of your top patterns and habits. Where are they taking you?

Embrace the power of your present-self, and Take Action!

Too many of us are waiting to make a change until . . .

. . . some unspecified future time.

The time is NOW!

You have the power to change.

We want to embrace the power of the present moment, the here and now, and take actions that will lead to the future of our dreams.

We want to recognize the patterns that exist in our present-selves and explore whether or not they lead us to our future self.

Special Gift for YOU!

As I mentioned in the Thanksgiving episode, my birthday was last month, and I LOVE to celebrate the holidays. I love Christmas and the whole holiday season!

I want to offer you a special gift!

From now, through the end of 2020, I am giving away a few free coaching sessions each week. I want to help you, NO STRINGS ATTACHED!

Space is limited, and it's first come first serve.

Book your Gift Session Today!

Gift Session

Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?

Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.

It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!

1. Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
2. Download the debrief
3. Start with your own internal debrief.

"Send Ben a text"

What is Shame?

“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.” ~Brené Brown

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” ~Brené Brown

Shame drives parents and teens apart and creates a belief that you’re not good enough.

1. Emotion
   • It’s a feeling caused by a thought (conscious or unconscious)
   • It goes hand in hand with our personal narrative, inner dialogue, the stories we tell ourselves.
   • When we feel shame, we believe there is something wrong with us.
   • We start to look at ourselves negatively.
2. Action
   • We look at others negatively.
   • We try to manipulate their emotions negatively.
   • We assume that there’s a better way.
     • And that they should be doing better.
     • “You should have...”
     • “You should ...”
     • “You need ...”
     • “You’re not ____ enough.”
     • “You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”
3. Culture
   1. How we look at things that are different from ourselves, our expectations, or our desired outcomes.
      1. We see shame in:
         • Politics
         • Religion
         • Race
         • Sports
         • Education
   2. It's our mindsets and belief
      • Right vs. Wrong
      • Good vs. Evil
      • Normal vs. Abnormal
      • Superior vs. Inferior
   3. It's a way to push agendas, social conformity, and it often lifts one group above another.

What Can We Do About Shame?

1. Our own emotion vs. someone else’s emotion
   • Allow the shame.
   • Explore the shame.
     • Often we want to push it away.
       • Ignoring it or pushing it to others with blaming.
     • We hide, get mad, or buffer.
       • The only way to process the emotion is to allow it.
     • Become aware of our own shame.
       • Understand why we are feeling shame. What are the thoughts causing it?
       • Question the thoughts. Why do I think that?
     • Become intentional about your own shame.
       • Think on purpose.
       • Practice allowing, awareness, and intentionality.
2. The action of shaming
   • “You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.” ~Brené Brown
   • When you do it.
     • Become aware of it.
       • When do you do it?
       • What are you feeling?
       • What are you thinking?
     • Act intentionally.
   • When others do it.
     • Realize that you CANNOT change them.
     • Choose whether or not to believe their thoughts.
     • No one can make you feel shame.
     • People can “shame” you, but you don’t have to feel shame.
     • Don’t shame back.
3. Culture of shame.
   • Embrace everyone as equality valuable
   • Think in terms of right AND wrong, instead of right OR wrong.
   • Strive to understand
   • Trust that everyone is doing their best!
   • Trust that you are doing your best.

You CANNOT Change Others, BUT You CAN Be The Change You Are Looking For!

You can't change others, but YOU CAN change yourself.

We are all guilty of shaming people. It's okay, let's just commit to moving forward and becoming more intentional.

Trust that YOU ARE doing your best. And, give EVERYO

Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?

Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.

It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!

1. Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
2. Download the debrief
3. Start with your own internal debrief.

"Send Ben a text"

No Matter What I Do, My Teen Won't Change

One of the things that I hear a lot is, "We've tried EVERYTHING, and nothing we do works."

To which I usually ask, "How do you know nothing is working?"

And the parents typically replay, "My teen won't change."

If you've ever thought that "nothing is working" when it comes to your teens, it's probably because you are focused on changing your teen.

My favorite question that I often get from parents is, "My teen won't change, now what?"

The reason I like that question so much is because it typically means that they've tried changing their teen, they've realized that they can't change their teen, and they want to know what they CAN do.

If this is you, and you're starting to realize that you can't change your teen, and you're left wondering, "Now what!?!" this podcast is for you.

Where Is Your Attention?

One of the reasons that I like this question is because it reflects a shift in attention. It shows that the parents are willing to shift their attention from changing their teen to something else, "Now what?"

Most parents get stuck fixating their attention on the behavior of their teen. They catastrophize about all the things that are going "wrong" and the scary worst-case scenarios that are possible.

If you want to change your teen, your attention is on something that you can't control, your teen.

But, when you ask "Now what?" you shift your attention to new possibilities.

"Now What?" has limitless possibilities.

Often, when parents come to me asking, "Now what?" there is a sense of desperation.

They feel like they've tried everything, that nothing works, and their desperation positions them to be willing to explore new options.

So, Now What?

First of all, don't beat yourself up for not being able to change, fix, or control your teen.

It's not your job. You don't have the power to change, fix, or control your teen.

You haven't done anything wrong, so please show yourself some compassion.

And second, take all of that energy that you were spending on your teen and spend it on you.

That's right, let go of the things outside of your control and embrace the things that you can control yourself.

For some parents, this looks like letting your teen be grumpy, depressed, and unhappy, and shifting your focus from making them happy to being happy yourself.

For some parents it looks like exploring ways that you can be the change that you want for your teen.

For example, one of the things that parents ask all the time is, "How can I help my teen be more confident?"

My answer is usually, "How can you be the change you're looking for? How can you be more confident? How can you be more confident in your teen?"

Bottom line is, there are countless things that you can do, EVEN if your teen isn't willing to do anything different.

Simply ask yourself the question, "Now what?" and go with whatever you come up with.

Call to ACTION!

Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership! It's better than ever!

JOIN HERE!

Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?

Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.

It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!

1. Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
2. Download the debrief
3. Start with your own internal debrief.

"Send Ben a text"

Procrastination is a natural human habit and tendency, but you don't have to be its slave.
5 Myths About Procrastinating Teens

Myth #1 My Teen is Lazy.

Myth #2 Procrastination is a Character Flaw

Myth #3 Procrastination Will Ruin My Teen's Life

Myth #4 My Teen will ALWAYS Be a Procrastinator

Myth #5 Procrastination is a HUGE Problem

5 Truths About Procrastinating Teens

Truth #1 Procrastination is Part of Being Human

Truth #2 Your Teen Can Learn How to Stop Procrastinating

Truth #3 Your Teen Can Procrastinate and Still Be Successful

Truth #4 There Could be Countless Reasons Why Your Teen Procrastinates

Truth #5 Procrastination is Simply a Coping Tool, Often with Benefits

What Your Teen Will Learn in this Masterclass!

1. How to separate facts from thoughts
   • Thoughts like "I'm not smart enough," or "I can't do this" will hold you back in your efforts.
   • Facts like "Test on Thursday," are manageable when we are in control of our thoughts.
2. Managing emotions
   • It's okay to feel overwhelmed and bored when you understand how to process them.
   • Emotions are less unpleasant when we manage them.
   • Our emotions don't manage us when we manage them.
3. How to create homework protocols
   • Create a simple plan for the time between school and bed.
   • This plan will empower you to both get things done and do the things you want.
   • This will empower you for doing hard things as an adult.
4. How to motivate yourself
   • No one can motivate you but YOU!
   • What you choose to think and believe will create your motivation or lack of motivation.
5. What to do when you've fallen off the wagon
   • Too many times when we fall off the wagon, we choose to give up.
   • There are ways to use past mistakes to empower you.
   • It's never too late to get back in the driver's seat.

Call to ACTION!

Join Joey Mascio and me on a Lead Your Life Masterclass Q&A call.

Lead Your Life Masterclass Info

Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?

Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.

It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!

1. Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
2. Download the debrief
3. Start with your own internal debrief.