I'M THE VILLAIN

There's a lot of episodes we've had about major life pivots: Andy Reinhold (Episode 78) talked about how he started in consulting, quit his job to follow his passion and work in gaming, and then went back to consulting to support his baby. Sara Alepin (Episode 123) wanted to be a teacher, but after a student stomped on her foot and left her permanently unable to walk more than a few hours a day without pain, she pivoted to being a wedding photographer, podcaster, and running a businesses community. Ayana Major Bey (Episode 134) wanted to be an actor in plays and then a global pandemic hit.
Aaron Matis' story is a bit of a meld between Sara and Ayana's stories: he dreamed of being an actor, and at 26, he was cast in a show on Nickolodeon. He had succeeded in almost everything on his 5-year plan: "I was peaking in every measurable way." Then, one fateful day, he was walking down a hill with a cooler and fell and tore his meniscus. This one fall changed the course of his life forever. 3 surgeries later, and his doctors say he will likely never run again. He moved back home to Scranton from LA and is starting on his next 5-year plan: one that doesn't involve acting.
He tells us about the sheer amount of self-hatred that came after his surgery, and how it was so difficult to accept help from those supporting him: "I so much hated myself that I started to resent people that loved me because I thought there must be something wrong with them." He thinks of his former self as a completely different person, and in therapy, he has managed to go through the process of grieving that former self and that former vision he had of what his life was going to look like.
But he also talks about the process of rediscovering joy and trying to find happiness in simply being around the people he loves, and not worrying so much about what physical activity they may be doing. He talks about being able to empathize in a new way with his sister, who has a rare condition that causes debilitating bouts of pain, and has found a community in online groups for people who suffer from chronic pain.
"I'm not the happiest that I have ever been...but I am getting there."
Links:

PALS Programs, a camp for kids with Down Syndrome that Aaron has worked with and loves: https://www.palsprograms.org/
Deondre's new show, 3Disc Changer, a podcast where three friends take a deep dive into an iconic album each episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/3-disc-changer/id1644161173

Music is The Beauty of Maths by Meydän.

Not only do you get to stay with your lover, you also get to have sex and romantic relationships with other people! Including your ex! In the last episode of this season, we talk about how restrictive the classic script on romance is and why we think breaking down those rigid barriers actually can create an even more stable and communicative relationship. In short, there's no one way your relationship has to be for it to be valid and healthy.

This episode has been a long time coming because it's the main way in which both co-hosts really go against the societal grain in true villain fashion. Even among millennials, rates of non-monogamy are below 10%, despite the fact that we are the most open to non-monogamy than any previous generation in American history. Overall, about 1 in 5 people report having been in a non-monogamous relationships at some point in their lives based on the US Census. So tune in if you want to hear how the other fifth lives!

Links:

Alain de Boton's video "On Romanticism": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPOuIyEJnbE&t=2s

Bell Hooks' book "All About Love": https://www.harpercollins.com/9780060959470/all-about-love/

PDF Version of "All About Love": https://www.docdroid.net/goTB7E8/124493278-bell-hooks-all-about-love.pdf

A very cute, very long Wait But Why illustrated explainer on the issues with the traditional marriage script: https://waitbutwhy.com/2016/09/marriage-decision.html

Study showing rates of non-monogamy and openness to non-monogamy by generation: https://ifstudies.org/blog/national-survey-reveals-generational-differences-in-consensual-nonmonogamy-

1 in 5 people have been in non-monogamous relationships: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201905/updated-estimate-number-non-monogamous-people-in-us

The song this episode title is referencing (50 Ways to Leave Your Lover): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABXtWqmArUU

Music is The Beauty of Maths by Meydän.

In this episode, we really engage in The DiscourseTM - there is a larger Internet conversation going on about whether billionaires should be lauded for giving money to charitable causes or if we should be skeptical that they are doing so to preserve a fundamentally exploitative status quo that ultimately harms more people than it helps. And we (as Phil DeFranco, one of Deondre's favorite YouTube stars would say) dive right into it.
On the one hand, there is no doubt that philanthropy involves a fair bit of whitewashing, where rich people can use their charitable giving to try to divert attention away from their corrupt business practices (and try to lower their own tax burden). Sometimes they even take influence and power away from the communities they are trying to help by dictating how the money they are giving will be used. But most opponents of philanthropy say those wealthy people should be taxed instead. Should they?
As we are in the midst of one of the biggest movement for Black lives in the history of America, and one mechanism of financial activism that has gained prominence in recent months is bail funds. This is one example where taking money away from billionaires and giving it to the government makes the problem WORSE. While we generally do believe the rich should pay higher taxes, this is just one of the many reasons why we question whether taxing the rich is truly a better alternative to philanthropy.
Links:
Vox article making the case against Billionaire Philanthropy: https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/2018/12/17/18141181/foundation-charity-deduction-democracy-rob-reich
Against Against Billionaire Philanthropy (Slate Star Codex blog post): https://slatestarcodex.com/2019/07/29/against-against-billionaire-philanthropy/
2015 TED Talk where Bill Gates, the Prophet Nobody Listened To, tells us all how we should be preparing for the next pandemic (and we clearly took that information and chucked it out the window): https://www.ted.com/talks/bill_gates_the_next_outbreak_we_re_not_ready?language=en
Note: In this episode, I (Isabel) mistakenly stated that Bill Gates told us his pandemic readiness plan would cost $1 trillion. What he actually said was that he didn't know exactly how much it would cost, but if we didn't prepare at all, the economy stood to lose $3 trillion.

Music is The Beauty of Maths by Meydän.

In this episode Deondre and I (Isabel) talk about this book that Isabel has been reading with her book group called My Grandmother's Hands by Resmaa Menakem, which talks about how trauma physically manifests itself in the body, and how human beings can try to deal with that trauma using somatic methods like humming together, dancing, and physically settling the body by focusing on breathing.

In this book, there is a section that talks about how racism was actually conceived of fairly recently in human history, when white landowners in Virginia were trying to come up with a solution to the class-based unrest amongst the workers. At the time these "bondsmen" were of both white and black skin colors, and had deals with the landowners that said if they worked long enough they could buy their freedom from servitude and be given a parcel of land that they could work themselves. However, the white landowners decided that the best way to appease the masses, who were getting more and more agitated about their economic situation, was to allow the white bondmen to receive land and to deny land to the black ones. This strategy became law in 1619.

This makes race one of the craziest acts of evil genius that humans seem to have come up with: those white landowners probably had no idea that their Hunger Games-esque scheme would be a major force throughout all of subsequent American history, they were likely only out to save their own asses. So we talk about whether there are other similar social constructs that have been a force for good in human history, and why it is so difficult to see and appreciate those things as well, when there are so many dastardly human ideas that seem like they are shaping our modernity.

Link to My Grandmother's Hands: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/34146782

Music is The Beauty of Maths by Meydän.

It has been an actually ridiculous amount of time since we last posted an episode, but we are back! And we are back with another installment of Millennials Lust After Their College Walkable Community!

We recorded this episode back in October 2023 about a camp what Mike Wheeler and Stephanie Logan put together called Camp Logwheel that Isabel attended in Septemer, and now that are already planning their next one for May, in a few short months. We talk to Mike and Stephanie about what their community-building goals were for this camp, and the main thesis is that, if you think you are the only one who wants to build community, you're NOT. You may be more or less willing than some of your friends to sacrifice and invest in the community but you're certainly surrounded by people who are lusting for more community.

Stephanie tells us about her community growing up: her parents went to church, and though she wasn't fond of sitting in a pew listening to sermons, she did love being part of a community.

Mike was an RA (Residential Assistant) in college and he would leave his door open all the time, sometimes to come back from class and find his residents in his room playing on his GameCube, which he loved!

So now we are in or almost in our 30's and we are trying to figure out how to make these kinds of communities happen for us again, or at least get as close an approximation of it as we can. Mike knows friends whose parents moved away from their college friends in their 20s, only to decide to ask all of their friends to move in close to them, and they actually did!

So maybe, even though it can seem so unlikely in a world where social ties are simply growing weaker and the loneliness crisis is accelerating, our dreams of multigenerational communities who gather regularly for potlucks and take care of each other's children is actually achievable: maybe all we need to do is ask.

Music is The Beauty of Maths by Meydän.