How To Sex

Can I find a device make it better for us?

By Anonymous. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

A battery-charged vibrator

Sex toys — also called adult toys or “marital aids” — are objects people use to have more pleasure during sex or masturbation. Sometimes sex toys can also have medical uses if you have a sexual dysfunction or medical condition. There are many different types of sex toys, and people use them for lots of different reasons.

It’s totally normal to use sex toys, but it’s also totally normal not to — it’s a personal decision, and everyone’s different. As long as you’re using sex toys safely, there’s nothing harmful about it.

Why do people use sex toys?

All kinds of people may choose to use sex toys, for many different reasons. For some, using sex toys is the easiest (or only) way they can have an orgasm — this is especially common for women. Sometimes people use sex toys to help them masturbate. People also use sex toys during sex with their lovers.

Some people with disabilities or limited mobility use sex toys to make it easier to masturbate, have sex, or do sexual activities or positions that would otherwise be harder or not possible for them.

Sex toys can also help treat the symptoms of certain disorders, like erectile dysfunction, genital arousal disorder, hypoactive sexual disorder, and orgasm disorder. And some people find that sex toys help them deal with the sexual side effects of certain medications, health conditions, or menopause — like a low sex drive or decreased sensation in their genitals.

What are the different types of sex toys?

There are thousands of different sex toys out there. Some of the most common ones include:

• Vibrators (aka vibes, personal massagers) — Objects that vibrate (move continuously/buzz) to stimulate your genitals. It’s very common for people to use vibrators to stimulate their clitoris and other parts of their vulva and vagina. But vibrators can also stimulate the penis, scrotum and testicles, nipples, and anus. Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes. Some can go inside a vagina or anus, and others are meant to be used outside the body.
• Dildos — Objects that go inside a vagina, anus, or mouth. Dildos come in many shapes and sizes, but they’re often shaped like a penis. Some look like realistic penises, and others are more abstract. They can also be slightly curved, to help stimulate your g-spot or prostate. Dildos can be made out of lots of different materials, like silicone, rubber, plastic, metal, or, break-resistant glass.
• Anal toys — Sex toys made specifically to stimulate and/or go inside your anus. Anal toys include plugs (usually called butt plugs), anal beads, prostate massagers, and dildos with a wide base. You need to use lube to use anal toys safely. And it’s very important that any toy you put in your butt has a flared base (meaning it’s wider at the bottom) or some other way to pull the toy out, so it can’t accidentally slip all the way in. If a sex toy goes all the way inside your butt, it could get stuck and you may have to go to the doctor to get it out.
• Sleeves (aka masturbation sleeves, penis sleeves, or strokers) — Soft tubes that you put your penis into. Sleeves come in all shapes and sizes, and often have different textures on the inside for more sensation. Some even have vibration or suction. There are also strokers that are specially designed for a larger clitoris or smaller penis, particularly for intersex people or trans men on hormon...

A general guide to the core of a woman's sexual desire.

By Lillianna Morgan. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

Frustration; it's a bitch; it can be good, really good, or very, very bad. The idea is to make the sexual frustration great for her, so that when the time comes, she is so wild for you, the sex is mind blowing for both of you. This can happen every time, if you know what to do, and how to approach her the right way.

There are THREE KEYS to mind blowing sex.

1 Knowing Your Partner's Needs

2 Planning: Take Your Time

3 Tease Her: Make Her Wild

No matter how tempted you are, and I know you are, DON'T skip down to number three. Take a few minutes and learn something other women will probably never tell you, but ALL of them wish you knew.

1. KNOW YOUR PARTNERS NEEDS: You HAVE to know what she likes and doesn't like, not just sexually, but emotionally as well. If she is frustrated emotionally, you aren't gonna get anywhere with her. Meet her emotional needs first. If she is not feeling loved, or appreciated, if you have troubles in your relationship, then take the time to fix it. THEN focus on the sexual needs. (Usually bad sex is what creates the core of relationship problems.)

Not every woman is the same, and not every woman will reach orgasm the same way. Some never will because their partner is too impatient, or her EMOTIONAL needs aren't being met. If your too embarrassed, or impatient to ask why she isn't enjoying it, (if she isn't climaxing, she isn't enjoying it) she will be very reluctant to have sex with you. If your wife/partner consistently refuses your advances, makes excuses, rolls her eyes, snorts, laughs, and won't give you any; YOUR most likely the source of the problem. WHY? An emotionally and sexually satisfied woman will not refuse her man sex, at least for long. She will hunger for it, like a cat in heat.

If you can't answer these questions, don't be so quick to call her frigid. When a man really knows what his woman wants, and actually takes the time to give it to her, she will almost NEVER refuse him intimacy. She won't WANT to refuse you. In fact, once you master the three keys, she may be the one begging you for sex.

THE 20 QUESTIONS:

1; What are her sexual fantasies?

2; What gets her in the mood?

3; What turns her off?

4; Is she stressed, depressed or angry?

5; Is she feeling loved by you?

6; Is she feeling desirable to you?

7; How does she like to be touched?

8; How does she hate to be touched?

9; How does she like to touch herself?

10; How does she WISH you would touch her?

11; What makes her feel more relaxed?

12; What makes her feel uncomfortable?

13; What makes her hot for YOU?

14; What makes her hesitant to initiate sex?

15; What makes her hesitant to tell you want she likes?

Ask her these questions first:

16; What kind of relationship do we have now?

17; What kind of relationship do you want?

18; What would it take to move our relationship to a "10" today, next week, next month?

19; What can I do for you today to make your day better? Ask every day. At first she may say "nothing" If she does, do something spontaneous anyway, like pick her a flower, fold the laundry, rub her feet, let her pick the movie, brush her hair for her, put the kids to bed for her, run an errand, make breakfast in bed, give her an extra long kiss goodbye, and a wink, dedicate a song to her, clean the kitchen for her, write her a love letter, rub her shoulders, plan a picnic, send flowers to her work, just because, ; there are a million little things a woman would love for you to do for her, non sexual things you can do; pick one and just do it without being asked.

20; Find out her Love Languages (Read The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman) Even if SHE doesn't know them, you will be able to recognize them. Make sure your filling her tank with the right gas; (you'll have to read the book)

If you don't know the answers to these questions, it's most likely the main reason you dont have the sex life you want. It's your job to find out. She WANTS you ...

STDs: What Are They and How Do You [not] Get Them?

By Everyday Health. Listen to the ► Podcast at How To Sex.

This episode deals with the following STD concerns: Chlamydia, Genital Herpes, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis B, HIV, HPV, Molluscum Contagiosum, Syphilis, Trichomoniasis, Chlamydia, Genital Herpes, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis B, HIV, HPV, Molluscum Contagiosum, Syphilis, Trichomoniasis.

The number of cases of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), now more commonly referred to as sexually transmitted infections (STI), in the United States hit an all-time high in 2019, according to data released on April 13, 2021, by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The CDC’s surveillance report shows that nearly 2.5 million new cases of gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia were reported that year.

Chlamydia remained the most common condition reported to the CDC, with close to 1.8 million cases, up 19 percent since 2015. Gonorrhea diagnoses reached 616,392, up 56 percent since 2015. And primary and secondary syphilis diagnoses reached 129,813, up 74 percent since 2015.

Of high concern is that congenital syphilis cases, that is, syphilis in newborns, nearly quadrupled between 2015 and 2019, reaching 1,870 cases. From 2018 to 2019 the number of stillbirths caused by syphilis increased from 79 to 94, and the number of congenital syphilis-related infant deaths rose from 15 to 34 deaths.

While the 2019 STD statistics reflect pre-COVID-19 pandemic numbers, preliminary data from 2020 suggests many of the same trends continued during the pandemic. Experts attribute some of the growth in STDs in 2020 to disruptions in STD testing and treatment programs caused by the pandemic.

While 2.5 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis may sound like a lot, it’s likely an undercount: Many people with these and other STDs, formerly known as venereal diseases, go undiagnosed and untreated. The CDC estimates that nearly 20 million new sexually transmitted infections occur every year, accounting for almost $16 billion in healthcare costs annually.

Inequities in STD Burdens

The numbers of STDs increased in all age groups and among all racial and ethnic groups in 2019, according to CDC statistics. Howe...

How to train a man to love cunnilingus.

By cd prosper ot. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

A lot of women love to have their pussy licked as much as or even more than having a cock fill their cunt. And if you have a man who loves to go downtown every chance he can get, great! But what do you do if your man either won’t do it, won’t do it right or long enough or if he treats pussy-licking as something obligatory and a mere prelude to sticking his cock up your twat? Well, don’t just complain.

Here’s some advice about what you can do to get your man to adore eating you for as long as you can stand! First of all,

1: Initiate Sex

Are you horny? Do you want his cock, his finger, his ass or especially his tongue: then let him know it! A lot of women, even if they’re dripping wet and desperate to be sucked and fucked into oblivion, will wait for their man to initiate sex. Chances are that when that happens, a man is going to have his own agenda. But, why not start out with your agenda, instead of his?

So what if you’re shy! Get over it! We know that women have moments when you want and even need sex. So tell him when that happens! If you’re in a relationship, what on earth is the point of hiding your sexual needs? Is it some kind of weird power trip: if he knows you need sex, you can’t ration it? That might have worked in the fifties, but surely we’re way past that now. Besides, nothing will turn him on faster more than knowing that you want sex. So tell him! But how?

Words are best: nothing like an e-mail or a quick phone call to his office, provided it’s private, if you need that; and a “Honey: I can’t wait till you get home. My panties are sopping wet.” Or “I’m so horny and my vibrator isn’t doing it for me; I need you!” You can bet that he’s going to blow off or rush through whatever overtime might have been in the offing (if he is the type who stays at work when he has a horny chick to come home to, what on earth are you doing with him in the first place?).

If you’re reluctant to be that explicit you can always use all the tried and true chick ‘come hither’numbers. That’s Okay. But if your man is tired or depressed, he can miss the non-verbal cues, or worse, ignore them. Ignoring a verbal invitation is not an option for most men: 99 times out of a hundred he’s going to accept, no matter how tired or down he is.

One final suggestion: a pre-arranged signal. One couple has a bride and groom from a wedding cake. When either one wants sex, they put it out where the other can see it: yes, it’s really hokey, but it works.

So, why is so important for you to initiate sex? Because you score big, big points with your man just by initiating: men hate, let me repeat that, men hate the burden of always having to initiate sex because unless you’re hooking up with a nymphomaniac (whom most of us have never met, let alone screwed), initiating sex involves a certain probability (often quite a high probability) of rejection and attendant humiliation. When you initiate you instantly get your man’s gratitude, and cooperation. And if he doesn’t like to dive into your muff and polish your pearl, you will need some of that cooperation. So initiate already.

All right, you have your man racing to get into your panties. Now what?

2: Tell him, yes, tell him in clear words, what you want.

Now, I gave you, reluctantly; non-verbal alternatives to initiate sex. But there’s no way around this one, you have to say exactly what you want: “Honey, could you go down on me.” “Honey, I need your tongue,” The more explicit and urgent the better: “Lick me!” “Eat me!” “Suck my pussy!” Especially, if you’re somewhat prudish or restrained, the more graphic and desperate your language, the more you will turn your man on and, maybe get his head between your legs, fast.

Be sure to use a pleasant and delighted voice. And it’s all about how you frame the issue. Never tell him what he’s failing at. Tell him what you need more of. When you tell him what he failed, he feels rejected and his confidence is crushed. That’s never a good thing for healthy coupling. But when you share your need, you allow him to be a hero and rush to your cause. It makes him feel needed, desired, and special.

You can add that if you were more ravished in this manner ‘God knows what you might do for him?’ Or how much more often y...

A few things that gross me out about porno myths

By LargoKitt. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

What I HATE About Porn

Right up front let me make it clear that I watch erotica, read erotica, and write erotica. Please scope out my stories or poems or even my art and I think you will be pleased. Porn is very ancient stuff. Prehistoric people were making images designed to turn them on, and I'm sure they were sitting around the campfire and telling spicy stories. Motivating people to do the deed and plant the seed has been a major push for millennia. Hindus and Greeks and lots of other folks have gods who celebrate procreation. Heck, the Bible contains the steamy Song of Solomon. And in Genesis, God never said, "Don't fuck." He said, "Be fruitful and multiply."

Don’t Make Me Feel Shitty

Point 1: BDSM. I don't think sex is dirty and I really don't much like stories or vids or auds that portray people who feel like shit for feeling horny. Guys should not have to apologize for hard-ons they get in an honest scenario. Horny is built into the machinery. But hang on, I understand that if you were brought up in a strict religious household where touching yourself or anyone else without a legal contract will cause Old Scratch himself to snatch you by the short hairs and drag you to Hell where he'll fry you till you're a crispy critter; if that's the crap that's in the back of your head when you spot a hottie and the spirit rises; well then I can see how being bad and feeling good might end up in the back of the same pickup truck.

Since religious figures, priests and preachers and missionaries and nuns, are placed artificially off-limits, I can see how getting under that dark robe might be a turn on. But a story about raping a priest or a nun who used to humiliate you in school. That's not erotica. That's a revenge horror story and I hate it being considered a turn-on. And stories about religious folks exploiting or hurting kids is never sexy. It's criminal.

I personally despise stories that feature people despising each other, especially in the bedroom. I might write a story about people playing at humiliating one another. I can imagine people, maybe a woman CEO who is always in charge and demanding of respect, enjoying a fantasy where someone calls her a 'stupid worthless slutty cock-sucking bitch'. Same with a male CEO who likes to be ridden and whipped like a stubborn mule. I can imagine those characters getting relief from constant responsibility. I can see how the sting of a little pain might lift their spirits.

But I switch off when the sex is about the pain. Oh I get how a spanking or being bound and restrained might raise the stakes of sensation. But then the pain is about the sex. And the sex plus pain is for the pleasure of the person being bound or 'punished' not for some nut who gets his or her nut by hurting other people. I understand if your kink swells when you have someone in your power. But for me sex is always a dance with equal partners even if you're playing that it's not.

So. Stories teach. And I HATE stories or videos that teach men that it's okay to treat women like shit. Also stories that teach women that the only way they can tell a man what she wants is to be a cruel slutty dom. Or little girls who need permission from 'daddy.' Or independent women just waiting to be enslaved by a cruel master who "knows just what they want."

Bottom line: whatever your kink, sex should be fun for all members of the party and their members, and fun shouldn't make you feel weird and guilty.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Point 2 -- Girls just wanna have fun. I HATE porn that is all about the man getting his nut with no concern for the woman getting hers. What's up with that? Are most pornos secretly for men who are into men? Why in Baal's name do we always spend so much time looking at dude's dicks? And balls? And assholes?

Maybe a viewer who isn't built like superman likes to pretend he is the buff cut flexing shiny well-waxed, spray-tanned hunk who is drilling a hottie who is lying about what a turn-on he is. But how about, for once, having a Don Juan or Lothario who is actually a role model for how to light a lady's fire? Because if you have the basic equipment, but really know...