How To Sex

A How-To guide for Those terrified about the other sex.

With contributions from DG Hear. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

Throughout the years dating has changed. Those who have gone back into dating in recent years, for whatever reason, have probably found it's a whole new ball game. But more than a few people enter their twenties, still terrified to initiate a romantic venture.

Some are still impacted by traumatic events of their youth. Still others are limited because of harmful indoctrination by an influential person whose even more screwed up. And some are just simply so shy, and terrified that they might face rejection, or even ridicule.

Folks re-entering the dating scene, later in life, have a similar anxiety, because of societal changes, over time.

Most cultures still expect a guy to take the initiative. While gals are not scorned for overtly expressing interest first; the reality is that ladies are generally feeling even more anxiety about the elusive first date.

One of the easiest ways to ‘break the ice’ is with eye contact and a warm smile, while greeting someone you have particular interest in. If the other person is ‘caught off guard’ you might not get an immediate affirmation of their interest. But be patient. They’ll think about it and make adjustments upon re-engagement with you; usually by their own initiative.

Teens have this crazy notion of establishing a ‘going with’ status, rather than simply having one social event together. Kids tell you who they’re ‘going with’ even though they never went anywhere.

If your cordial relationship seems mutually reciprocated, It’s time to ask; “Can I take you out on a date?”
If that works out well, Have the date soon. It doesn’t need to be a big event, or include expensive meals or concerts.

The truth is, what you both really are looking forward to is, each other. Trust me, a girl will text her girlfriend after, and she won’t talk about the places she went to, she’ll talk about the guy who took her there.

When you’re first date is nearly over, ask to hold her hand as you walk to the car, or to her home. An enthusiastic response means she likes you. She may want you to kiss her when you say ‘good night.’

Be sure to get all her contact info before the date is over. And send her a text within a day, thanking her for sharing a date with you.
Take some time to assess if you want a 2^nd date, or if what you really want is someone else. Separate, in your mind, whether it’s her you like, or dating, itself.

Getting past your first brave dating effort is a huge accomplishment, and you should feel great about it. If you’re still looking for the ‘right one,’ your next effort will be easier than your first brave act. But how do you find the kind of person you really want to pursue?

Let’s hear more from DG, about getting into the dating arena.

How to find someone to date:

To begin, we need to know some of the places to find someone willing to go out with us. This shouldn't be too hard to do. I might say, before I start that, most of my comments and helpful hints are mainly for the male gender, but some ladies might find some interesting facts as well.

Malls and movie houses can be a good place to meet people as well as the Laundromat and your local bars and lounges. A nicer way is if you are lucky enough to have friends to help you find that right person. If all else fails, you can go on-line and find a friend or nowadays we have rent-a-date escort services. If you can't find at least a hooker then you might as well stop reading now. I can't help you. Just buy your hand a beer and watch a porno movie.

Even though this is some serious stuff I'm explaining to you, we still might find a laugh or two.

Kissing used to be easy, but not anymore. First, let's deal with braces. If your woman (this stuff is for adults) wears braces, be very careful and kiss her lips very softly. If you apply too much pressure, her lips will push against her gums and cut the hell out of the inside of her lips and your date will be over before it began.

If you both wear braces, you might stick to kissing on the cheek only. If you get caught in a big lip lock, you might g...

Fundamentals, Types and Roles, Safety Rules, and More

By Nuna Alberts, LCSW. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

If you’ve ever fantasized about getting kinky in the bedroom, you’re not alone. The runaway success of E. L. James’s Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy of books; the three top-selling print and e-books in the United States between 2010 and 2019; not to mention the sales of the movies they generated, prove that interest in BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism) is anything but rare.

BDSM can involve role playing, sensory manipulation, and more. Here are a few popular ways enthusiasts like to get kinky!

Prevalence: How Many People Practice BDSM?

Further proof: Nearly 47 percent of women and 60 percent of men have fantasized about dominating someone sexually, while slightly more women and less men are aroused by the idea of being dominated, according to a 2016 study. The same study also found that almost 47 percent adults would like to participate in at least one nontraditional type of sexual activity, and 34 percent said that they’d done so at least once in the past. No wonder if you search the phrase “BDSM” on Google it will return more than 500 million results. By comparison, the phrase “missionary sex” returns about 163 million results.

The History of BDSM: Not So New

Explore a little more and you’ll also discover that BDSM is nothing new. Among BDSM’s historical high points:

• Art and texts from ancient Greece and Rome show physical pain being used as an erotic stimulus, per the book An Illustrated History of the Rod, by William M. Cooper, first published in 1868.
• The Kama Sutra, the revered Sanskrit text on sexuality written in India about 2,000 years ago, describes six appropriate places to strike a person with passion and four ways to do it. It also has chapters titled “Scratching,” “Biting,” and “Reversing Roles.”
• The Marquis de Sade, a French aristocrat who lived from 1740 to 1814, wrote a variety of erotic novels and short stories involving being beaten and beating others. Eventually the author’s name gave rise to the term “sadism.”
• Similarly, the term “masochism” is derived from the name of Austrian nobleman and author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose 1870 novel Venus in Furs describes a dominant-submissive relationship.
• Back in 1953, a Kinsey Institute study found that 55 percent of women and 50 percent of men were aroused by being bitten.
• And even pre-Fifty Shades of Grey, 36 percent of U.S. adults reported having had sex using masks, blindfolds, or other forms of bondage.

Is BDSM Still Considered a Medical Disorder?

At one time, mental health experts were dubious about whether those who practiced BDSM were mentally healthy. But the American Psychiatric Association took a huge step in destigmatizing kink with the release of the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) in 2013. For the first time ever, the guidelines drew a clear distinction between consenting adults who engage in sexual behaviors outside the mainstream, such as BDSM, and those who force others to engage in those behaviors without consent.

That means simply experimenting with, say, whips and chains, is no longer a sign of mental illness that by itself “justifies or requires clinical intervention,” the manual states.

There are true sexual disorders that are similar in theme. Sexual sadism disorder, for instance, involves inflicting physical or psychological pain on another for the purpose of sexual pleasure. And sexual masochism disorder involves deliberately involving yourself in a situation in which you are humiliated, beaten, or abused for the purpose of sexual excitement.

The difference between these two disorders and BDSM is consent, in the case of sexual sadism disorder, and that BDSM does not go to the degree of causing significant distress or impairing function, in the cas...

A textbook For the Art of fellatio.

By Bee cee. Listen to the podcast at How To Sex.

We’re instituting this same concept of mastery, to help lovers assess their progress in the art of erotic coupling.

Youthful pledges enter apprenticeships where they learn fundamental skills and benefit from supervised practice.

When they show consistent aptitude of the fundamentals, The guild certifies them as journeymen.

They continue to develop their artistry, until they attain the level of Master, where they are trusted to properly mentor others.

Only the most highly talented and very experienced, will ever be regarded as a grandmaster.

Many women have only a basic idea of how to give a man a good blow job. Most seem to think that by closing their mouth around a man’s cock and bobbing their head lustily up and down as fast as they can until he shoots his load constitutes a good blow job.

This is true to a point and all well and good for a quick blow job in the car or under the office desk when time is limited. If you want to bring him off quickly then this is an extremely satisfying way, but what does the man's cock really want?

You should preferably pick a time when you will not be disturbed in a reasonably lit area so that both you and he can see what's going on.

Overcome any shyness that you may have and let him see his cock disappear deep inside your mouth, observe and make a mental note of the responses from his cock and indeed the look of pleasure on his face that your tongue and lips are providing are the first steps to master.

For a typical guy, your lips around his ‘family jewels’ is the greatest visual expression of love & devotion. It dramatically impacts his arousal, emotionally, even more than physical.

Pull his foreskin down to reveal his corona and run the tip of your tongue around the base of it.

Close your mouth onto his cock and flick the underside of his corona with your tongue.

Talk to him, tell him his cock is wonderful and that you are not going to stop until he cums in your mouth.

Always stay in control and don't ask which part he likes best, find that out for yourself. Keep your tongue, mouth and hands active.

Cup his balls and gently scratch with your finger nails the area between his anus and balls.

If you are wary of the amount of cum he will produce, just as he is about to erupt, place your thumb and forefinger at the base of his cock and gently squeeze to restrict the flow.

The amount of cum a man produces is a good indication of how much he has enjoyed what you have done for him. Most men who have been stimulated in this way will produce copious amounts. Slow down and relax are the golden rules.

Every woman should also be aware of the most sensitive and sensual moment that a man's cock experiences.

Most mornings, men wake up with a hard on, referred to generally as piss proud. This moment is about two or three minutes after he has relieved himself; and is the ideal time to give him a sensual blow job.

What position should you be in?

Because of the structure of his cock, as well as the structure of your mouth, lips, tongue and teeth, you can provide the highest degree of sensation for yourself and your partner by kneeling between his legs with him either sat down or standing up and with your head tipped slightly back, approaching his cock from the bottom rather than from the side or top.

This will enable you to read the expressions on his face and observe how his cock is reacting to your stimulation.

Alternatively, lie on your back on the bed and position yourself so that your back is on a pillow or two, but your head is just beyond the pillow. Let your head drop to the mattress so you are able to take him deep.

Relax and make yourself as comfortable as possible and open your mouth ready to accept him.

He should approach you on hi...

An essay on the history of Polyamory.

By darkgoddess2478. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

What is Polyamory?

Polyamory means "loving more than one". This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or a combination thereof, according to the desires and agreement of the individuals involved. "Polyamorous" is also used as descriptive term by people who are open to more than one relationship even if they are not currently involved in more than one. It is behaving in ways which are honest, and which make you, and the people you care about, and the people they care about happy and fulfilled. Polyamory is about building new configurations of relationships, being open to the opportunity if it comes along, not refusing commitments because something better might come loping down the path.

This is an interesting question. What is Polyamory? The definition above states it just simply as "loving more than one". Kathy Labriola defines Polyamory as an intense loving relationship between two or more people. Polyamory literally means many loves. Good enough for the simple definitions that tell you absolutely nothing important. Let's start with where the poly movement began.

Polyamory in the United States began as polygamy with Joseph Smith, the founder of the Mormon religion, or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Through a series of visions, Smith announced polygamy to his followers as a part of Mormon spirituality in 1843 and Brigham Young publicly announced this practice in 1852. Polygamy allowed men to marry more than one wife as long as he could provide for everyone in his family.

The Mormons were sexually conservative and rejected the ideals of romantic love, intense courtship and contraception. Sex was seen merely as a device for procreation. Extramarital affairs, premarital sex, and all sexual acts that would not directly lead to conception were strictly forbidden and enforced at a cost of death or emasculation. The reasoning stands that polygamy was not for the purpose of sex, but as a way to have as many children as possible.

Since the Christian doctrine did not allow for polygamy, the Mormons were the subject of hate from many sources, mainly Protestant missionaries and women writers who "attempted to emancipate plural wives from their alleged sexual slavery." (D'Emilio and Freedman 117) Even though our country preached freedom of religion, from the 1860's to the 1880's the federal government prosecuted Mormons who practiced polygamy. Given this opposition, the Mormons withdrew their approval for polygamy in 1890.

Most polyamorous families are not all married to one another. There is usually a primary couple who are married and the others who consider themselves married, but do not have an actual marriage certificate. Some of the families live together and others have separate living quarters where the father and husband visit frequently. In the families that live together, the child rearing and household responsibilities are shared. In all ethical cases, all the wives know about each other and support the decision of their husband taking on the new partner.

Kathy Labriola, a counselor and nurse, defines Polyamory as "an intense loving relationship between members of the same sex or those of the opposite sex". Some polyamorous people are married, others are single: Polyamorous people may be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. The Polyamorous system does not have to be a sexual system, but it can be.

Most of the cynicism given to Polyamory is due to people thinking Polyamory is for sexual practices. Kilbride in "Plural Marriage for our Times: A Reinvented Option?" states, In linking sexuality to marriage we generally view having multiple marital partners, as resulting predominately from sex drive.

Of the various reasons why plural marriage occurs, a sexual outlet is minimized within a wider, more general body of needs and functions considered important for both individuals and the wider society. This statement agrees that the practice of polygamy is not about sex. As was stated earlier, the Mormons used polygamy as a way of advancing their religion and baptizing their ancestors, not for greater sexual acts. The people who practice Polyamory today use Polyamory as a means of freedom of expression and bettering themselves as people. Since they have found tha...