Hope for the Caregiver

"We've done everything possible to save this leg, all that's left is amputation – when you're ready, we'll have that conversation."

Those words came from Gracie's surgeon, following numerous operations to save her right leg - crushed and disfigured in her 1983 car accident. Everyone in Gracie's life, including me, had an opinion about this – and Gracie understandably struggled mightily during this time. At twenty-five, with a toddler, the decision weighed heavily on her young heart.

Setting an appointment with our pastor, Bob, she limped into his office on her mangled right foot. As she sat quietly in his study, he stated, "Gracie, this room is off-limits to every other voice telling you what to do. My job is to help quieten the noise so you can hear your heart – and God's leading.”

Gracie pondered for more than an hour while Pastor Bob sat at his desk – no words passed between them. Finally, Gracie looked up with tear-filled eyes and said, "I'm terrified of doing this," she whispered. Gaining strength, she continued, "But I can't live this way any longer – it's got to come off."

Nodding somberly, he assured Gracie he'd be with her through the ordeal – and he kept his word.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can give to others struggling with heartbreaking decisions is to clear the room, quieten the noise, and sit with them. Most know what needs to be done, but need a quiet place to process the fear and heartache – while assured that they’re not alone.

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on your side; bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

leave to your God to order and provide; in ev'ry change he faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul; your best, your heav’nly friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end. – Kathrina von Schlegel

From Hope for the Caregiver radio show.  

When Carole Leathem’s husband, Bill, first began his battle with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, she had no idea years of rejection and identity issues would come to a head. After all, when you’re the wife of a senior pastor, there are certain expectations that come with it. Imperfection and mental illness are not among them.

Visit Carole's Site: https://www.thecaretakersjourney.com/

Get Carole's Book

Russia's brutal attack on Ukraine has created outrage and horror worldwide. Spotlighting those with disabilities and their caregivers, Joni Eareckson Tada shares how her organization is helping individuals fleeing from Ukraine to Poland. Well acquainted with suffering and challenges, Joni shares her insights and faith in our frank discussion about these heartbreaking events.

To help Joni's organization with this effort, please visit www.joniandfriends.org 

If caregivers mapped out a decision tree for our daily lives, it would look like a forest. Each day we’re faced with numerous choices – and most seem filled with unpleasant outcomes. Sometimes the decisions before us have a paralyzing effect, and we don’t know what to do next.

In those moments, we serve ourselves well to choose the next right thing as our action step. The big problems become more approachable when our heads and hearts calm down.

For that to happen, our decisions require “reduction.”

Unlike the giant single unpleasant task of “eating the elephant one bite at a time,” decision reduction helps us focus by redirecting our eyes from the myriad of choices to the micro-steps in our path. Maybe the next right thing is to drink some water, sit down with a bowl of soup, take a nap or even go on a walk. Although the problem usually remains, we tackle it better with a calmer and more disciplined mind.

When offered this path, we invariably know the next right thing to do; we just usually need permission – not from others but ourselves.

The Bible supports this when affirming that God’s word is “...a lamp unto my feet.”

It’s a lamp – not a searchlight. Do the next right thing – with the light provided.

“Not until we are lost do we being to understand ourselves.”- Henry David Thoreau.

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