05: Permission to Succeed

07/30/19 • 35 min

Today, I am thrilled to introduce yet another sponsor for the Shine Retreat, which is coming up in September. I’ll be giving you more information on how listeners of this podcast can get a $50 discount off registration, so you’ll want to listen in!

Today’s guest is also a dear, dear friend of mine who has been on the podcast one other time. She was so supportive and encouraging to me when I first started out. Our friendship has evolved though the years, which has been such a cool thing to experience, and her work has transformed, as well.

Nicol thought she might die in that cubicle, and that's when she decided to make some changes. She is now self-employed. She is an expert witness in court (don't tell anyone), a child custody evaluator (for real, don't tell anyone), an author (tell everyone), a motivational speaker (tell everyone) a mom (2 cutie pies), a wife, a mompreneur, a taxi, a motivational speaker, a skincare consultant (hello good skin and tax write-offs), a non-profit director (in all her spare time) a lover of spas and massages and at times "the fit hits the shan" in her life ... but it's hers, and there is beauty in that.

She is here to share her journey with us, this evolution she has gone through, and she will be sharing how to give yourself permission to live the life you want, and how to take risks in order to create happiness in your life.

Here’s more information on the Shine Retreat that I promised you! Mari Lee, my co-host for the upcoming Shine Retreat for Women, and I would like to extend a personal invitation for you to join us September 27th - 29th, at this restorative women’s retreat, the ultimate self-care weekend where every woman is welcomed. You will be among friends! I encourage you to email me or Mari Lee at [email protected] to receive a $50 discount code off registration. Shine Retreat is limited to 40 women, and it’s filling up fast, so be sure to register at https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/.

Show Highlights:

When we get stuck in fear, it becomes our story.
There’s something that everybody wants more of.
Our expectations can get in the way.
Other’s expectations can appear to be a lack of support.
When we get resistance, they are telling us their story, it is not our own.
Create a shortlist of those who get to have a say in your life.
Women who feel stuck can get trapped easily.
By saying “no” to others, it’s saying “yes” to a different set of opportunities.
Stay away from emotional vampires.
Other people’s stress can make us physically ill.
We have a tendency to self-sabotage.
Men are taught to take more risks from an early age, so be careful and question what you think.
Get past the “what-if’s”.
Identify your own definition of “success”.
Examine who is in your circle.
Get more information about what’s possible, instead of what’s not possible.

Resources:

Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!

https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/

Find out more about Nicol Stolar-Peterson here!

http://www.nicol.live

http://www.permissiontosucceed.us

Special Invitation:

Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019.

Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/

Email me at [email protected] to receive a $50 discount code off registration.

You can also reach me at [email protected].

“Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women.

Show Highlights:

When we get stuck in fear, it becomes our story.
There’s something that everybody wants more of.
Our expectations can get in the way.
Other’s expectations can appear to be a lack of support.
When we get resistance, they are telling us their story, it is not our own.
Create a shortlist of those who get to have a say in your life.
Women who feel stuck can get trapped easily.
By saying “no” to others, it’s saying “yes” to a different set of opportunities.
Stay away from emotional vampires.
Other people’s stress can make us physically ill.
We have a tendency to self-sabotage.
Men are taught to take more risks from an early age, so be careful and question what you think.
Get past the “what-if’s”.
Identify your own definition of “success”.
Examine who is in your circle.
Get more information about what’s possible, instead of what’s not possible.

Resources:

Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!

https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/

Find out more about Nicol Stolar-Peterson here!

http://www.nicol.live

http://www.permissiontosucceed.us

Special Invitation:

Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019.

Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/

Email me at [email protected] to receive a $50 discount code off registration.

You can also reach me at [email protected].

“Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women.

Previous Episode

04: Living Mindfully

Darrin Ford is the special guest I would like to introduce you to today. Darrin is also a sponsor for the upcoming Shine Retreat.

Today, Darrin and I will discuss changing the word “mindfulness” from a trendy buzzword to something tangible that we can apply to our lives and use as a way to tune in to ourselves, to learn and to grow as we move through this journey called life.

Darrin Ford is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in treating addictive disorders. His practice began in Long Beach, California and has extended over the years to include treatment centers in West Los Angeles and Orange County. As co-founder of Sano Center for Recovery, he currently serves as the chief executive officer, runs intensive workshops, and mentors new therapists. He is a certified Sex Addiction Therapist Supervisor, who was trained directly by the pioneer of the field, Dr. Patrick Carnes. He also has Founded The Mindfulness Academy of Addiction and Trauma Training with Mari Lee LMFT, CSAT-S, MBAT-S AKA The Counselors Coach and CEO of Growth Counseling Services. In his years of treating those afflicted with addiction, he ascertained the keystone of mindfulness in breaking free from old patterns, habits, and ways of thinking. Steeped in his passion for science and Buddhist philosophy, he co-wrote the Mindfulness-Based Addiction Therapy Certification Program (MBATTM). His expertise in the field of addictive behaviors can be found in the program, which takes a modern approach to Eastern techniques in exploring the mind. His next book, Awakening to the Addictive Mind: A Story of and Guide to Addiction, sheds an intimate light on his own struggles and how he came to help others on a path he is intimately familiar with. His upcoming book will be available in 2018 Darrin is also available for public speaking events and coaching. For more information please visit www.darrinford.com.

Mari Lee, my co-host for the upcoming Shine Retreat for Women, and I would like to extend a personal invitation for you to join us September 27th - 29th, at this restorative women’s retreat, the ultimate self-care weekend where every woman is welcomed. You will be among friends! I encourage you to email me or Mari Lee at [email protected] to receive a $50 discount code off registration. Shine Retreat is limited to 40 women, and it’s filling up fast, so be sure to register at https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/.

Show Highlights:

Mindfulness: Looking at the “mind” in that word.
Is this accurate? Is what my mind telling me aligning with where I am at with my environment and everything right now?
Getting as accurate alignment with reality as possible
Impulsivity and habits becoming our destiny
Conditioning the mind and recreating conflict
Mindfulness exercise activities
Addiction at its core is an intimacy disorder
Using mindfulness for anger management and conflict resolution
We’re sometimes not aware that we use mindfulness
Using focus to move into practices that cultivate more mindfulness
Suggestions for moments of pause
Practice: very simple, but not always easy
Compassion is not altruism
Constructive and destructive compassion
Destructive compassion helps someone feel better in the short run, but is destructive in the long run.
Constructive compassion helps someone heal in the long run, but may anger the person offered it in the short run.
Emotions rise, crest, and fall, and as humans beings, we can expect this.
Offering ourselves compassion through the distress of feeling an emotion
When the pain becomes too overwhelming, we have to have the presence of mind to reach out and share it with someone so they can be present for the process.
If someone is suffering from psychotic symptoms, or somebody who has other symptoms of detachment from reality, we wouldn’t want to you to be practicing mindfulness, as it wouldn’t help.
Enlisting expert help
Overwhelming evidence of how mindfulness works with the neuroplasticity of the brain
Darrin shares what’s coming up in his work

Resources:

Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!

https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/

Links to Darrin’s websites:

Special Invitation:

Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019.

Registration at:

Next Episode

06: Hugging Your Disappointments

On today’s podcast, I’m here to share with you about this last week and want to hear your feedback and learn from your wisdom.

Do you ever have those weeks where you’re cruising along, you’ve got a to-do list, and you get some things done, but it’s not a matter of life or death if you don’t?

Last week I had a huge list of things that had to be done, but the way I had poorly planned my schedule I was going to fall miserably short.

Being an optimist, I see the glass as half-full. Therefore, when I look at a project, I think it won’t take any time at all, but in reality, it needs more time than originally estimated. So that’s what happened last week. I had more than I could possibly handle, and I made a lot of promises that I could not fulfill, and I let a lot of people down.

Please join me as I delve into negative head chatter, the way we talk to ourselves, and the unrealistic expectations we hold for ourselves. Let’s explore what happens when we lean into our disappointments and failures. Let’s talk about grace.

Show Highlights:

Optimists see the glass as half-full and may underestimate the time it takes to complete a task.
Learning to listen to negative head chatter and what it can tell us
Leaning into our disappointments
Apologizing and offering to make things right when we’ve fallen short
Why do we give others grace that we won’t extend to ourselves?
Shame that smashes into sense of self based on an action
We need to allow ourselves to make mistakes, to be human.
Three ways we can learn to stop verbally and emotionally assaulting ourselves when we mess up:
You must work on the shame.
Reach out to your community and the people you’ve fallen short with and have a conversation.
Be open to the idea that what you’re categorizing as disappointment may be totally unrealistic.
Sometimes, the expectations we set for ourselves are not on anybody else’s radar.
The three steps can also work in other areas that clutter up headspace, aside from leaning into your disappointments.
Cleaning up your headspace is the most important piece when it comes to our need to be able to move forward from our mistakes.