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Happy Birthday, Meghan! As she turns 40, we discuss the royal family’s curious new social media strategy for birthday wishes, and Meghan’s new initiative to help women re-entering the workforce (with guest appearances by Melissa McCarthy and Guy the beagle). Elsewhere, the Queen uses her favourite arcane procedure to weasel out of Scottish climate laws and Prince Charles becomes a rent-a-royal for Tory dinners. Plus, Fergie defends Jack Brooksbank’s yacht antics and volunteers her opinions on Prince Andrew’s friendship with Jeffrey Epstein.
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After a breezy 10-week holiday, Kate Middleton finally returns to work! While she’s at her solo engagement, Prince Andrew is gearing up for a new legal strategy, Prince Charles becomes further embroiled in the cash-for-honours scandal, and Prince Philip’s will is sealed for 90 years. The Irish President Michael D Higgins is dragged into a feud with the Queen, who is busy running interference by dispatching courtiers to share cuddly stories about her with the press. Plus, we give our (spoiler-filled) reviews of Fergie’s first adult fiction novel Her Heart for a Compass, the Netflix teen drama Young Royals and the long-lost Princess Diana movie starring Toni Collette and Dominic West.
*SPOILERS*
Her Heart for a Compass: 31.27
Diana and Me: 58.30
Young Royals: 66.33
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After the godmother of all outsized media backlashes, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry celebrated the christening of Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor with an Insta-friendly mic drop. Camilla Parker Bowles shared some exciting godparent news of her own aboard a luxury cruise ship, while Prince George has been honing his tennis technique with no less than Roger Federer. We learn that Princess Diana was once in talks to star in a sequel to The Bodyguard opposite Kevin Costner, Prince Charles has a new nickname for former TV star Meghan, and you’ll find Kate Middleton hanging out in the tent.

From the forget-me-nots to the unforgettable decor, we’ve got all the details from our visit to Frogmore House and Gardens, home of Meghan Markle, Prince Harry and Master Archie. Elsewhere, Meghan picks up a new pram and Prince George picks up his first job as a Waitrose delivery assistant. Lifetime’s Becoming Royal explores unexplained mysteries, such as ‘how does Meghan really feel about those tights?’ and ‘can a royal execute a roundhouse kick?’. Plus, Donald Trump comes for Meghan and Rob Lowe comes for Prince William’s hairline.

After seven months holed up in her palaces, the Queen is back out and about. Doing what? No one knows, because all we can talk about is her refusal to wear a face mask! She’s accompanied by Prince William, whose much-hyped documentary debuts to disappointing ratings. But he may have more to worry about from Robert Lacey’s intriguing new book, Battle of Brothers, which chronicles the breakdown of Prince William and Prince Harry’s relationship. We discuss the extracts, and later consider what kind of royal work is “relevant” in 2020. Plus, Meghan Markle gets trolled for talking about getting trolled, and Kate Middleton suits up for a night at the museum.