3: How to Lead a Dominant Personality

03/01/23 • 19 min

In this episode, Kurt Garceau and Jake Rosekopf talk through 7 practical tools to lead a dominant personality and ultimately your group with grace and truth, in love.
EPISODE NOTES:
1) Pray for wisdom and words! (James 1:5, Colossians 4:6)

Pray for wisdom and for the right words and trust God to give them generously.
2) Set the stage.

“Hey guys, before we begin, I just want to remind everyone that we want to make sure everyone has a chance to talk tonight, so let’s give everyone an opportunity.”

3) Manage Eye Contact.
Dominant personalities often associate eye contact from the discussion leader as a green light to talk.
4) Call on a specific person to share their thoughts first.

“John, what do you think about this one?”
“Let’s hear from one of the guys/ladies (opposite gender of dominator) on this one.”

5) Steer the conversation.

“That's a really good point."

Immediately turn to the group, and say:

"What do you all think?"
“Do other people have an opinion on this?”
“Who haven’t we heard from?”
“Does anyone have an alternative view?”
“Let’s see if anyone else has something to add here."

6) Use something they’ve said as a turning point and spin it positively.

“John, I like how you patiently dealt with your difficult manager at work. Has anyone else experienced that?”

7) Give a silence time limit.

“I realize it takes people time to think when a question is asked. To make sure everyone gets a chance to engage with our discussion, let’s wait 5 seconds before we answer this one.”

Then call on someone specific by name...

“John, are you ready to answer?” If John is not, ask the next person.

What do you do if you have tried these methods and the problem continues....

1) Pray again! Ask God to help you see them as He does. Ask Him for wisdom and words and for the person to receive correction with humility.

2) Reach out to your Coach or your Campus Community Group Director for prayer/advice.

3) Meditate for a few days on Ephesians 4:2-3.

4) Ask to talk to the person outside of group time. Never confront the person during group time.

5) At the meeting:

Affirm them in what they do contribute.
Ask permission to bring up your other observations.
Remind them that the goal of the group is to give everyone a chance to share. Share that you perceive they are dominating the conversation and remind them that they will be blessed by listening to others as well.
Put them on a mission. Invite them to help in getting some of the other people in

Check out our Vox Groups Leader Resource on RightNow Media for more practical tools to lead healthy, vibrant, growing Community Groups. https://app.rightnowmedia.org/.../interact.../863245/details

If you don't have access to RightNow Media join today: https://app.rightnowmedia.org/join/VoxChurch
Keep connected with other CGLs & Coaches by joining our Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/NHVCGLsCoaches

Pray for wisdom and for the right words and trust God to give them generously.
2) Set the stage.

“Hey guys, before we begin, I just want to remind everyone that we want to make sure everyone has a chance to talk tonight, so let’s give everyone an opportunity.”

3) Manage Eye Contact.
Dominant personalities often associate eye contact from the discussion leader as a green light to talk.
4) Call on a specific person to share their thoughts first.

“John, what do you think about this one?”
“Let’s hear from one of the guys/ladies (opposite gender of dominator) on this one.”

5) Steer the conversation.

“That's a really good point."

Immediately turn to the group, and say:

"What do you all think?"
“Do other people have an opinion on this?”
“Who haven’t we heard from?”
“Does anyone have an alternative view?”
“Let’s see if anyone else has something to add here."

6) Use something they’ve said as a turning point and spin it positively.

“John, I like how you patiently dealt with your difficult manager at work. Has anyone else experienced that?”

7) Give a silence time limit.

“I realize it takes people time to think when a question is asked. To make sure everyone gets a chance to engage with our discussion, let’s wait 5 seconds before we answer this one.”

Then call on someone specific by name...

“John, are you ready to answer?” If John is not, ask the next person.

What do you do if you have tried these methods and the problem continues....

1) Pray again! Ask God to help you see them as He does. Ask Him for wisdom and words and for the person to receive correction with humility.

2) Reach out to your Coach or your Campus Community Group Director for prayer/advice.

3) Meditate for a few days on Ephesians 4:2-3.

4) Ask to talk to the person outside of group time. Never confront the person during group time.

5) At the meeting:

Affirm them in what they do contribute.
Ask permission to bring up your other observations.
Remind them that the goal of the group is to give everyone a chance to share. Share that you perceive they are dominating the conversation and remind them that they will be blessed by listening to others as well.
Put them on a mission. Invite them to help in getting some of the other people in

If you don't have access to RightNow Media join today: https://app.rightnowmedia.org/join/VoxChurch
Keep connected with other CGLs & Coaches by joining our Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/NHVCGLsCoaches

Previous Episode

2: Facilitating Discussion

In this episode, Kurt Garceau and Jake Rosekopf talk through 9 practical tools to help you make discussion time easier so that everyone has the opportunity and feels comfortable enough to share.
EPISODE NOTES:
1) Put in the work.

Prepare ahead of time, pray ahead of time, leave room for the Holy Spirit.

2) Set the tone.

Be honest and vulnerable as a leader and acknowledge you don’t have all the answers.

It challenges group members to think and come up with answers.
It takes the pressure off you. You don’t have to have all the answers.
It creates a safe environment for people to share.

3) Don’t do all the talking.

Don’t ask questions and then answer the questions first. Your goal is to have everyone feel comfortable enough to share.

4) Be comfortable with silence.

If no one shares after 10 seconds ask a transitional question. “If you had to answer that question in one word, what would it be?” When someone shares, ask “Why did you pick that word?”, and conversation will start.

5) Steer the conversation back.

“That is an interesting point. Help me tie it to our discussion."
“Let’s circle back on that, but for now, what do you think about this or that?”
“That was a great story, let’s get back on track here with this next question.”

6) Ask open-ended questions.

“Why do you think the author said that?”
“What are your thoughts?”
“What comes to mind when you think about this?”
“What are your thoughts about this particular subject/thought?”
“Why?”

7) Invoke different responses.

“Do we all feel the same way or does anyone have a different thought?”
“Do you really agree with what the author is saying?”
“If someone disagreed with our discussion, what do you think they might say?”

8) Involve everyone.

“Not everyone has had a chance to share on this subject. Anyone else before we move on?”
“What are your thoughts?”

9) Let them craft their own applications.

“What will we do next because of this great discussion?”
“How can put this into practice tomorrow?"
“What are some things you are going to do differently?”

Idea: Write down what members share and ask them to report back the next week.

If you don't have access to RightNow Media join today: https://app.rightnowmedia.org/join/VoxChurch
Keep connected with other CGLs & Coaches by joining our Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/NHVCGLsCoaches

Next Episode

4: Groups on Mission

In this episode, Kurt Garceau, Jake Rosekopf, and Bru Hickey talk about how Community Groups are intertwined with Outreach at Vox Church. Bru will also give Community Group Leaders practical tools and resources to utilize regularly with their Community Groups.

EPISODE NOTES:

“The love of God compels us.” 2 Corinthians 5:14

What is Vox Church’s vision for outreach?

Vox Outreach exists to share the love of Christ with people across New England through serving the greatest needs in our cities and proclaiming the hope we have in Jesus.

What are the outreach opportunities through Vox?

1. Outreach Events by Campus

2. Partner organizations & impact groups

3. Serve together DIYs

4. Serve Our City Day

All of these opportunities can be accessed at https://voxchurch.org/outreach. Be sure to click the “Choose a City” button to see each campus-specific opportunity.