Episode 75 - The Swiss Cheese Extremities Man

Explicit content warning

09/08/24 • 131 min

In what can only be described as being "bad at math" the hosts have poorly timed this episode, and are releasing it out of order to time it with Rusty Nelson's 100th birthday. So, if you are confused about episode 75 being released before episode 74, then you can now stop being confused.
We kick off this episode with a whirlwind of chatter about potent cocktails, especially the enigmatic “double” drink conjured by our resident drink fairy. This hilarious debate transitions into a tangled discussion about the difference between inner musings and external thoughts. With tangents ranging from psychedelic adventures to the unveiling of the night’s fancy drink, the “Rusty Nail-Son,” this segment embodies our signature blend of lighthearted banter and witty commentary.
Scriptures: [00:18:39]
In this segment, aaaAAAaaa takes on Doctrine and Covenants 38 with the fervor of a person deciphering cryptic crossword clues. He humorously critiques god/Jesus's verbose divine self-introduction, likening it to Daenerys Targaryen’s excessive titles from Game of Thrones. Amidst AI-imitated accents and tongue-in-cheek analysis, aaaAAAaaa exposes the contradictions and bizarre theology, like the ironic freedom under divine rule and confusing doctrinal inconsistencies. He wraps it all up with a cynical take on the eternal riches promised by a rather perplexing set of divine directives.
Church Teachings: [00:45:17]
Moroni dives into the ambitious legacy project of Russell Nelson, the current prophet, who seems determined to outshine past leader Gordon B. Hinckley. Nelson’s temple-building spree and rebranding efforts to eradicate the “Mormon” nickname are all part of his quest for supremacy. Moroni scrutinizes these changes, from the end of the “I’m a Mormon” campaign to the push for more temples, reflecting on how these shifts are less about divine guidance and more about crafting a personal legacy. He also humorously contrasts Nelson’s efforts with past church practices and updates, from missionary work to changes in temple ceremonies.
History: [01:33:43]
Abigail takes us on a humorous journey through 1924, introducing Marion Clavar Nelsen, an advertising executive, and his wife Edna, who was part of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. The spotlight shifts to their son, Rusty Nelson, whose upbringing and eventual baptism are marked by oddities and inconsistencies. Abigail contrasts Rusty’s achievements with those of his remarkable first wife, Danzel White, whose contributions often go unnoticed. The narrative takes a quirky turn with the revelation of Abigail’s personal connection to Rusty through a distant relative named Ingaborg, leading to jokes about potential pet names. The segment concludes with a heartfelt tribute to Danzel, celebrating her life and contributions while reflecting on the more controversial aspects of Rusty’s later years.

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Previous Episode

Episode 73 - How Not To Play Trumpet

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Welcome back to the show where we finally all meet up in one place, and it’s not California (because apparently, we’re too good for Trader Joe’s and grocery store liquor now). In this episode, we dive into the mixology madness with "The Palo-mah-gawd"—a drink that’s as confused as our blending technique. Expect some playful bickering over the drink’s ingredients and our collective inability to make it look as good as it tastes.
Scriptures: [00:08:00]
Moroni takes the reins as we wade through the wild waters of Doctrine and Covenants 33 and 34. Prepare for a satirical romp through Mormon history, where historical figures get the sarcastic treatment they never saw coming, and scripture is reimagined with more innuendo than a bad soap opera. Whether it’s trumpets or other instruments, nothing escapes our irreverent reinterpretation. By the end, we’re all questioning our past social media choices and laughing at the absurdity of it all.
Church Teachings: [00:34:13]
aaaAAAaaa leads us into the chaotic realm of the Second Coming, where preparing for the apocalypse is as complex as traveling with a baby. Jokes fly about being overly prepared for both end-of-the-world scenarios and exploding diapers. We also delve into the “signs of the times,” poking fun at how wars, disasters, and Brigham Young quotes get twisted into proof that the end is nigh. With a dash of Reddit wisdom and a sprinkle of skepticism, this segment serves up comedic commentary on religious predictions gone awry.
History: [01:01:54]
Abigail guides us through a history lesson with a comedic twist on doomsday predictions. From the apocalyptic thrill of early Mormons to Columbus’s laughable end-of-world forecasts, we explore the evolution of eschatology and its dubious claims. Expect a satirical critique of how predictions have been used to distract from real crises and political shenanigans. With absurd prophecies and outdated views galore, this segment wraps up with a bemused look at historical and contemporary apocalyptic thinking, proving that some things never change—like our fascination with the end of the world.

Next Episode

Episode 74 - Pörn

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Join aaaAAAaaa, Abish, Abigail, and our delightfully tipsy guest Claudia as they kick off this episode with a laugh-filled discussion about burping mishaps and self-deprecating humor. They dive into their drink of the day, "The Ohio (temple name: Bloody Moroni)," a bizarre Bloody Mary twist featuring Clamato and watermelon. Amidst reminiscing about Utah-style names and TV nostalgia, they indulge in random tangents about kids' shows like *Pickle and Peanut* before barely managing to steer the episode back on course.
Scriptures: [00:16:41]
Abish takes the stage to mock the absurdities found in sections 35, 36, and 37 of the Doctrine and Covenants. Through hilarious anecdotes about their dad and cheeky commentary on early church figures like Sidney Rigdon, the segment critiques the divine revelations with a healthy dose of sarcasm. Abish’s take on "Joseph Smith English" and the convoluted scriptural language adds a light-hearted critique to the serious business of theological concepts, culminating in a laugh-worthy mix-up in the reading order.
Church Teachings: [00:40:49]
Claudia delves into the heartfelt and humorous side of religion by discussing David Archuleta’s mother’s brave decision to leave the LDS Church in solidarity with her son. The conversation critiques the church’s historical treatment of LGBTQ+ members with a mix of reflection and humor. Claudia’s casual quiz on church history, coupled with jokes about vodka shots and sacraments, balances serious discussions about faith and identity with lighter moments.
History: [01:06:55]
Abigail navigates through Ohio’s history with a mix of irreverent humor and surprising facts. She pokes fun at Kirtland’s early days, from its glacier-covered origins to its eventual role in Mormon history. Jokes about the complexities of Ohio’s state flag and the oddities of its splinter religious groups lead to a morbid yet intriguing dive into Jeffrey Lundgren’s cult. Abigail narrates the grim events surrounding Lundgren’s violent plans and subsequent arrest with dark humor. The episode concludes with amusing trivia about Ohio, including its unique flag, duct tape dominance, and Cedar Point amusement park, capped off by a comical take on ostriches and personal anecdotes about a disappointing Utah theme park visit.
Tune in for a rollercoaster of dark comedy, historical quirks, and offbeat trivia as the hosts tackle everything from Ohio’s cult history to its love affair with duct tape.