Episode 73 - How Not To Play Trumpet

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09/01/24 • 125 min

Welcome back to the show where we finally all meet up in one place, and it’s not California (because apparently, we’re too good for Trader Joe’s and grocery store liquor now). In this episode, we dive into the mixology madness with "The Palo-mah-gawd"—a drink that’s as confused as our blending technique. Expect some playful bickering over the drink’s ingredients and our collective inability to make it look as good as it tastes.
Scriptures: [00:08:00]
Moroni takes the reins as we wade through the wild waters of Doctrine and Covenants 33 and 34. Prepare for a satirical romp through Mormon history, where historical figures get the sarcastic treatment they never saw coming, and scripture is reimagined with more innuendo than a bad soap opera. Whether it’s trumpets or other instruments, nothing escapes our irreverent reinterpretation. By the end, we’re all questioning our past social media choices and laughing at the absurdity of it all.
Church Teachings: [00:34:13]
aaaAAAaaa leads us into the chaotic realm of the Second Coming, where preparing for the apocalypse is as complex as traveling with a baby. Jokes fly about being overly prepared for both end-of-the-world scenarios and exploding diapers. We also delve into the “signs of the times,” poking fun at how wars, disasters, and Brigham Young quotes get twisted into proof that the end is nigh. With a dash of Reddit wisdom and a sprinkle of skepticism, this segment serves up comedic commentary on religious predictions gone awry.
History: [01:01:54]
Abigail guides us through a history lesson with a comedic twist on doomsday predictions. From the apocalyptic thrill of early Mormons to Columbus’s laughable end-of-world forecasts, we explore the evolution of eschatology and its dubious claims. Expect a satirical critique of how predictions have been used to distract from real crises and political shenanigans. With absurd prophecies and outdated views galore, this segment wraps up with a bemused look at historical and contemporary apocalyptic thinking, proving that some things never change—like our fascination with the end of the world.

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Previous Episode

Episode 72 - More White Boy Shit

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In this episode of the "Great and Spacious Podcast," we kick off with a deep dive into the world of Olympic-sized controversy, where we dissect the great American pastime of getting offended. This time, the target is the French and their opening ceremony that some Christians found a tad too "woke." Never ones to shy away from mockery, we take shots at the critics and even manage to rope Jesus into the mix—imagining him turning water into wine at a Bacchanalian bash.
Oh, and in true chaotic fashion, there’s a household disaster involving a broken fridge that somehow becomes a running gag. The solution? The "Lama-Nasty" cocktail—a little something we whipped up to numb the pain. Cheers to that!
Scriptures+: [00:16:23]
Welcome to our "Scriptures & Church Teachings" segment, where reverence takes a backseat and sarcasm drives. This time, we're diving into Doctrine and Covenants sections 30 to 32, where God seems to have handed out revelation like participation trophies. We question why David Whitmer gets chewed out for being too worldly, while Peter Whitmer Jr. is basically told to obey his brother like some ancient sibling rivalry never quite resolved. John Whitmer gets the divine equivalent of a GPS, and Thomas B. Marsh is reassured that his family's eventual conversion is in the bag.
And then there’s Philip Burroughs—who was literally just some guy who was a landmark. We top it off with a look at a church video trying to define "Lamanites" today, which is as clear as mud. Expect some major eye-rolling.
History: [00:46:31]
In our history segment, Abigail imagines the unfiltered chaos of live podcasting. From there, we tear into a hymn by W.W. Phelps, titled "Oh, Stop and Tell Me, Red Man." Let’s just say, it doesn’t exactly pass the vibe check.
Next, we delve into the heavy history of Native American suffering during the 1830s, courtesy of the Indian Removal Act and the Trail of Tears. Naturally, the early Mormon missionaries saw this as prime real estate for proselytizing. We critique their misguided zeal as they tried to spin genocide as some kind of divine gathering of Israel. Classy.
But it gets better. We recount the so-called "Lamanite Mission," where the missionaries eagerly approach the Seneca tribe, only to get politely dismissed—because, shocker, they weren’t interested. The real kicker? The mission’s success comes from converting a bunch of white settlers in Kirtland, while the Native Americans essentially told them to take a hike.
The segment wraps up with the missionaries’ continued misadventures, including their awkward encounters with the Wyandot tribe. They didn’t convert a single Native American but sure made a lot of friends among the white settlers. Mission accomplished? Not quite.

Next Episode

Episode 75 - The Swiss Cheese Extremities Man

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In what can only be described as being "bad at math" the hosts have poorly timed this episode, and are releasing it out of order to time it with Rusty Nelson's 100th birthday. So, if you are confused about episode 75 being released before episode 74, then you can now stop being confused.
We kick off this episode with a whirlwind of chatter about potent cocktails, especially the enigmatic “double” drink conjured by our resident drink fairy. This hilarious debate transitions into a tangled discussion about the difference between inner musings and external thoughts. With tangents ranging from psychedelic adventures to the unveiling of the night’s fancy drink, the “Rusty Nail-Son,” this segment embodies our signature blend of lighthearted banter and witty commentary.
Scriptures: [00:18:39]
In this segment, aaaAAAaaa takes on Doctrine and Covenants 38 with the fervor of a person deciphering cryptic crossword clues. He humorously critiques god/Jesus's verbose divine self-introduction, likening it to Daenerys Targaryen’s excessive titles from Game of Thrones. Amidst AI-imitated accents and tongue-in-cheek analysis, aaaAAAaaa exposes the contradictions and bizarre theology, like the ironic freedom under divine rule and confusing doctrinal inconsistencies. He wraps it all up with a cynical take on the eternal riches promised by a rather perplexing set of divine directives.
Church Teachings: [00:45:17]
Moroni dives into the ambitious legacy project of Russell Nelson, the current prophet, who seems determined to outshine past leader Gordon B. Hinckley. Nelson’s temple-building spree and rebranding efforts to eradicate the “Mormon” nickname are all part of his quest for supremacy. Moroni scrutinizes these changes, from the end of the “I’m a Mormon” campaign to the push for more temples, reflecting on how these shifts are less about divine guidance and more about crafting a personal legacy. He also humorously contrasts Nelson’s efforts with past church practices and updates, from missionary work to changes in temple ceremonies.
History: [01:33:43]
Abigail takes us on a humorous journey through 1924, introducing Marion Clavar Nelsen, an advertising executive, and his wife Edna, who was part of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. The spotlight shifts to their son, Rusty Nelson, whose upbringing and eventual baptism are marked by oddities and inconsistencies. Abigail contrasts Rusty’s achievements with those of his remarkable first wife, Danzel White, whose contributions often go unnoticed. The narrative takes a quirky turn with the revelation of Abigail’s personal connection to Rusty through a distant relative named Ingaborg, leading to jokes about potential pet names. The segment concludes with a heartfelt tribute to Danzel, celebrating her life and contributions while reflecting on the more controversial aspects of Rusty’s later years.