Grace In Real Life podcast

I’m guessing that you sing about grace, post about grace on Instagram, and love the idea of grace. And yet... grace feels elusive.

Like maybe it’s for others, but never for you, or it’s a concept that could never become a reality. Like it’s a cruel joke that promises a peace that’s just out of reach, or it's just a patronizing, condescending way to make you feel better because you couldn’t get it right the first time.

If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re in the right place.

I want to give you permission and space to stop thinking about grace in that way. In this episode, we unpack the three reasons you may have a hard time receiving grace for yourself.

You’ll learn the three reasons you may reject grace and practical strategies on how to move forward in receiving grace instead of staying stuck.

Y’all... I’m going to level with you here. This is the most revealing episode I’ve recorded because I get into the nitty-gritty struggles of my rejection of grace, and how I came to receive it for myself.

Try-hard girls are accustomed to being outwardly all-together and being such high performers that the idea of accepting the grace God gives feels blasphemous. Grace is given to those who can’t hack it. It’s a consolation prize for those who fail.

We believe God cares more about our performance and all the awesome things we’re doing in His name than He cares about our hearts.

We reject grace because we feel like Jesus did His final work on the cross and it’s up to us to conjure up faith, good works, and the energy to tackle our overwhelming to-do lists.

We reject grace because it means we’ve failed, and failure is not an option for the try-hard girl so we resolve to clamp down and do better tomorrow.

Some practical grace-grabbing strategies:

• Ask Him when your desire to be perfect or do things perfectly started.
• Ask Him how He sees you and how He feels about you.
• Renounce the lies of perfectionism and performance-based love.
• Receive the truth that God shares with you.

Grace feels unnecessary because we are not quitters or whiners. We meet expectations. We plan well. We’re organized. Grace is for those who can’t figure it out.

This belief reveals a secondary belief: Our faith is based on what we do for Jesus and how well we can juggle our roles, which means we’re acknowledged for our hard work, people like us, and not a hair is out of place.

It’s almost as if we believe God is unnecessary -- y’all I cannot believe I’m saying this, but I’ve lived as if this were true. We believe we’re self-sufficient, that God gave us my marching orders in the Bible and it’s up to us to do All The Things alone.

Some practical grace-grabbing strategies:

1. Repenting of our pride. We are not self-sufficient. We do need help. We are not the super-humans we wish ourselves to be. We need Jesus.
2. Then let’s be compassionate with ourselves as we understand that pride is our way of protecting our hearts of the unworthiness we feel.
3. Finally, ask Jesus who He says you are.

For years, I’ve been on a constant quest for Enough-ness, wondering if I’m Less Than, wanting the secret sauce that others have. We reject grace simply because we believe it’s not ours for the taking.

In this line of thought, we feel hungry and dissatisfied: we want what others have and feel the longing in our hearts.

Some practical grace-grabbing strategies:

• Read stories that showcase God lavishing His grace on undeserving people. So basically, you can pick any book of the Bible for this one
• Keep a journal of God’s kindness, goodness and mercy to you. Start this simple practice by reflecting on today: Where did you experience God today? In what areas was God at work in your life today?
• When you read in His word or hear a truth about yourself from God, don’t wave it off. Let it sink in. When God tells you, you’re beloved, make the conscious choice to say, “Yes, I agree with you.”

Grace is yours for the taking.

It was created for you.

You are God’s favorite girl, and He cannot wait for you to receive what He so freely offers.

• We reject grace for one of these three reasons: 1. We see it as a consolation prize for those who fail, 2. We believe it’s reserved for those who can’t figure it out, 3. We constantly compare ourselves to others and deem ourselves unworthy of grace.
• God will reveal to you what needs to be revealed when it’s synchronized with His divin...

How does your Enneagram type handle conflict? Where does your type get stuck in conflict? What do you need to know about your Enneagram type when you find yourself in conflict?

In this interview, speaker, writer, and Enneagram Coach Jenn Whitmer breaks down conflict and the Enneagram, going type-by-type about where each Enneagram type struggles, shines, and what would serve us well to remember.

She tells us:

• what each Enneagram brings to the table in conflict
• where each type struggles
• and how each type can practically handle conflict and hard conversations better.

Jenn reframes conflict as an opportunity and reminds us it’s really a heart posture of humility and community so we can tackle the issue out there.

• Type Eight: 3:35
• Type Nine: 7:15
• Type One: 10:52
• Type Two: 14:54
• Type Three: 18:43
• Type Four: 21:59
• Type Five: 25:50
• Type Six: 29:10
• Type Seven: 33:11

• “Vulnerability is actually a strength. It takes a lot of strength and trust to expose your heart, but it’s what connects you to people.” - Jenn Whitmer
• “It’s a paradox of life that we are all doing the best we can, but everybody can do better.” - Jenn Whitmer
• “Avoiding conflict usually creates more.” - Jenn Whitmer
• “Conflict is not failure. Conflict is a problem-solving opportunity.” - Jenn Whitmer
• “You are safe to have needs.” - Jenn Whitmer
• “Conflict is an opportunity, not a threat.” - Jenn Whitmer
• “Conflict resolution is a posture of, ‘It’s the two of us together against the problem out there.’” - Jenn Whitmer

• Jill's Inner Critic Challenge
• Harry Potter
• Freebies from Jenn
• Women’s Leader Circle private Facebook group

#60: The Enneagram + Conflict || Part 1: The Essentials with Jenn Whitmer

Jenn helps teams and leaders solve conflict and personality clashes. She speaks, writes, and coaches about hard topics with infectious joy. Through working with Jenn, people improve communication, work through conflict, and build self-awareness with the Enneagram. She asks big questions that lead to big dreams and big ideas and big living. Usually, that means laughing.

Jenn has graduate certificates in music education, theology, and leadership along with a Master of Arts in communication and culture from Webster University and certification as an Enneagram coach.

Jenn lives in St. Louis, Missouri, with her husband, Michael, their four kids, and a cat that puts up with them all.

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• Subscribe to Jill’s weekly “the good + the grace” email

How is the gospel of grace the antidote to doing more, living legalistically, and telling yourself to get it together? How can you live out the gospel of Easter year-round? What would it look like to not have to do more, follow all the rules, and exert all your willpower?

In this episode, you’ll learn the beauty of the one true gospel of grace, three false gospels you may live under instead of the gospel of grace, and how to live out the gospel in real life.

God’s gospel of grace says God is perfect and holy. That we are sinners. And that God sent His Son Jesus to pay the wage of our sin by dying on the cross. The gospel says God saves those who put their trust in His Son Jesus Christ.

Simple.

Free.

Relational.

Hope-giving and grace-abounding.

Here are the top 3 false gospels try-hard girls believe:

The gospel of doing more and trying harder preaches that you must perform to earn your keep, your spot, and God’s love. It says your real issue isn’t sin, but that you aren’t trying hard enough.

The antidote to the Do More/Try Harder gospel is to receive the one true gospel of grace and worship Jesus for what He has already done.

The gospel of rule-following preaches that you must meet a list of shoulds, demands, and expectations you’ve set for yourself or that others have hoisted upon you.

You’ve created internal, mental lists of all the things Good Moms or Good Daughters or Good Christians do and measure yourself by how close you were able to follow these best practices to be the Best Person You Can Be, instead of The Worst you desperately hope to avoid.

Some of the rules you’ve told yourself to follow are found in the Bible, like, Go and make disciples; care for the orphan and widow, and practice hospitality

Which makes them feel extra heavy. Jesus said His yoke is easy and His burden is light, yet your heart feels anything but.

This gospel tells you your real issue isn’t your lost-ness and sin, but that your imperfections can be cured by following the rules.

The antidote to the rule-following gospel is to ask one question then stay in context.

Start by asking yourself, “Jesus, what do you want me to do right now?” When you obey, remember that your context -- your backdrop -- -- your reality -- is being in a relationship with Jesus.

For every command in the Bible, the author assumes you are following Jesus, who is the source of your strength.

The gospel of willpower preaches that the key to happiness and love and staying in God’s good graces is to just stop doing the problem behavior and to start doing what’s right by sheer force of will. It tells you that your real issue isn’t sin, but a lack of self-control.

The antidote to the willpower gospel is to surrender to the truth that you don’t have the self-control you need, but you do have the cross.

Our souls—the ones that yell at our kids, blame our spouse, talk snarkily about others, and relentlessly compare—need to hear these simple words: Jesus said: “It is finished,” and Paul wrote: “God began doing a good work in you. And he will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again.”

Finishing is God’s job.

The real gospel isn’t giving God your resume of how hard you’ve tried so you can earn His favor. The real gospel is based on Jesus and what He’s already done.

The real gospel isn’t about following every command outlined in the Bible or even in your own head so you can be perfect. The real gospel is Jesus is perfect and His righteousness becomes your righteousness.

The real gospel isn’t about telling yourself that you can stop sinning and start being good once you really focus. The real gospel is based solely on the cross and not promises you make to yourself.

• You do not need to try harder; you can sit down on the inside, knowing your God knows exactly what you need and He is working hard on your behalf.
• You do not need to follow the rules; you can simply follow the Shepherd who knows exactly what pace to set and where to take you.
• You do not need more determination; you can rest in what your Deliverer has already done.
• The antidote to the willpower gospel is to surrender to the truth ...

What is conflict exactly, and how do you know when it’s resolved? Are there specific ways each Enneagram type handles hard conversations and approaches conflict?

In this episode, speaker, writer, and Enneagram Coach Jenn Whitmer joins the show. We go in-depth about how to handle hard conversations and conflict using the Enneagram.

Jenn shares what conflict is, how you know when it’s resolved, the five steps of genuine reconciliation, and the three major buckets each Enneagram type uses to approach conflict.

So y’all, this interview was so good that I split it into 2 episodes. In this episode, you’ll learn the basics of conflict and the three ways all Enneagram types handle conflict. In Episode #62, we’ll break down conflict type-by-type. In other words, today we’re laying a solid foundation so when you listen again in two weeks you’ll have a greater depth of understanding of conflict and personality type.

I love how Jenn shared with us what each coping style does well in conflict, what trips up each style, and how each style can improve in resolving conflict, and how she shared the three times it’s important to have a hard conversation.

• “How you handle conflict will either propel you forward as a fantastic leader or will damage your leadership abilities.” - Jenn Whitmer
• “We can create cultures of peace and love and care and efficiency one conflict at a time.” - Jenn Whitmer
• “Pay attention to the things God keeps dropping in your path that people say to you, your experiences. What’s the recurring thread that keeps coming back in the melody of your life?” - Jenn Whitmer
• “The longer and more grievous the injury, the longer it takes to solve.” - Jenn Whitmer
• “We are actually feeling beings who think and all decisions, and all problems come through our emotions.” - Jenn Whitmer

• Episode 59: Delete + Reset: Navigating hard conversations with Esther Littlefield
• All About the Enneagram Seven

Jenn helps teams and leaders solve conflict and personality clashes. She speaks, writes, and coaches about hard topics with infectious joy. Through working with Jenn, people improve communication, work through conflict, and build self-awareness with the Enneagram. She asks big questions that lead to big dreams and big ideas and big living. Usually, that means laughing.

Jenn has graduate certificates in music education, theology, and leadership along with a Master of Arts in communication and culture from Webster University and certification as an Enneagram coach.

Jenn lives in St. Louis, Missouri, with her husband, Michael, their four kids, and a cat that puts up with them all.

• Facebook
• Instagram
• Twitter
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• Medium
• Clubhouse: @jenn_whitmer

• Website
• GraceInRealLifePodcast.com
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• Facebook page
• Subscribe to Jill’s weekly “the good + the grace” email

How can you tell if you’re parenting out of love or fear? Isn’t it important to keep our kids safe? How can we learn to love and be loved?

In Episode 69, we’re talking about how to parent out of love instead of fear. In this interview, pastor, author, husband, and dad Kevin Thompson shares with us:

• How to lead your family with love, not fear
• How your child’s anxiety may be impacting your own
• And how to tell if you’re idolizing safety.

Ryan and I both read Kevin’s latest book, Fearless Families, and loved it because of how it:

1. Breaks down how fear is actively impacting your life without you even noticing it!
2. Offers real-life illustrations to which every family can relate
3. And gives questions at the end of each chapter that could prove transformational in your parenting if you take the time to soak them in.

Take a screenshot of your iTunes review of the Grace In Real Life podcast. This must be a new review from 2021.

Then email me the screenshot to [email protected] by Sunday, May 30 at 9 p.m. CST.

• “Fear, when applied in the wrong area, is a destructive response.” - Kevin A. Thompson
• “We have made safety the foundation of our lives.” - Kevin A. Thompson
• “Our Heavenly Father just does what is most loving toward us, every single time.” - Kevin A. Thompson

• Fearless Families by Kevin A. Thompson
• Subscribe to Jill’s weekly “the good + the grace” email for Kevin’s Family Values Scripter

Kevin Thompson is the lead pastor at Community Bible Church, a growing multi-site church with four locations in western Arkansas. He is the author of four books including Friends, Partners & Lovers as well as Fearless Families.

A marriage and parenting conference speaker, he and his wife, Jenny, have two children and live in Fort Smith, Arkansas. He writes at kevinathompson.com.

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• GraceInRealLifePodcast.com
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• Subscribe to Jill’s weekly “the good + the grace” email