(16) TASTE & SEE: Anticipation and Happiness

04/16/24 • 20 min

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From Surviving to Living: Transformation Through Faith

In this episode of ‘From Surviving to Living,’ Holly Bot shares her remarkable journey of transformation from a felon and sex offender who endured hard time, to being deeply moved by faith and the power of change through God. Holly opens up about the personal challenges she faced, including the battle to keep parental rights for her son, Tim, amidst financial struggles and personal growth while in prison. She recounts how embracing faith, practicing tithing, and putting others before herself led to unexpected personal improvements and a renewed sense of hope. Holly also delves into overcoming fear, anticipation of the future, and the importance of immersing oneself in God’s word to find happiness and purpose. The episode encourages listeners to face uncertainty with faith, seek transformation, and anticipate their future with joy through a relationship with Jesus, reflecting on prophecies and the promises of a joyful eternity according to the Bible.

TIMELINE

00:00 Podcast Introduction: The Journey from Surviving to Living
01:17 Episode Intro – Facing Uncertainty: Overcoming Fear and Finding Hope
02:24 Taste and See: A Story of Battle, Survival, and Faith
04:38 Financial Responsibility and Spiritual Growth in Prison
12:55 The Power of Anticipation: Learning Happiness and Preparing for the Future
13:32 Anticipating Eternity: Understanding God’s Plan for Our Future
19:35 Conclusion: A Prayer for Anticipation and Joy

TRANSCRIPT

Are you facing uncertainty? Is fear of the future weighing on you?

In January 2016, my parental rights were on the line for my son Tim unless I found him a home outside foster care. I would be confronted with financial challenges, unexpected weight loss, and new confidence from unlikely sources. Join me as we delve into overcoming fear, embracing hope, and triumphing over uncertainty.

Discover with me the secret to increasing happiness and how you can begin today! Listen until the end, you don’t want to miss a word! This is Taste and See!

A battle was on the horizon, one I hoped to avoid. Six months after I entered prison in 2011, my husband violated a restraining order and kidnapped my four younger children from my parents. He fled with them to Washington state.

Life didn’t go well for my children in Washington. Court records show my husband’s violent behavior towards women resulted in new restraining orders, his arrest record grew, probation violations became ordinary, and homelessness was common.

Our youngest son, Tim, had a challenging medical condition; if left untreated it could be fatal. My husband failed to care for him properly, and Tim nearly died. After receiving life-saving surgery he was placed in a foster home.

I was given a lawyer by Washington state who encouraged me to sign a waiver of my parental rights. This was a very confusing time for me, a frightening time. Normally I’m assertive. Prison, however, is an information vacuum. It shrinks a person. Facing 5 more years in prison, I signed the waiver. I don’t think I understood what it was. Three years later, hardened, ready for battle, I was ready to learn.

In January 2016 I asked my lawyer to revoke this waiver. I had become angry. I’d gone from scared to defiant. My release seemed closer, and Tim was having a hard time. I wanted to give him hope for the future and make plans with him in it. Social Services immediately responded by filing for termination of our parental rights. A trial date was set for September.

Have you ever made a decision without feeling informed? What did you learn from that experience?

“Holly, you can keep your son if you can find a home for him,” my lawyer mentioned one February afternoon. “That home, however, has to be in Minnesota,” she finished. Tim lived in Washington state, where my husband had moved from Minnesota after I was incarcerated.

“That’s great news!” I nearly shouted. “Thank you!” I made immediate plans to start calling everyone I could think of, certain Tim would be out of foster care soon. This seemed doable. I missed Tim very much.

I set my mind to finding a home for Tim and happily went to work the next day. My new love of the Bible had led me to read it every day. I worked as an English tutor at the prison. Our job included grading papers, helping students and occasionally creating assignments. Our teacher encouraged reading. When we didn’t actively have work to perform we were instructed to lead by example.

I had begun saving ten percent of my income...

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From Surviving to Living: Transformation Through Faith

TIMELINE

TRANSCRIPT

Are you facing uncertainty? Is fear of the future weighing on you?

Discover with me the secret to increasing happiness and how you can begin today! Listen until the end, you don’t want to miss a word! This is Taste and See!

Have you ever made a decision without feeling informed? What did you learn from that experience?

I had begun saving ten percent of my income...

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(15) Breaking Bias: Challenging Preconceptions, Finding Faith

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In this episode of ‘From Surviving to Living,’ it’s the beginning of 2016, and I discuss the challenge of special occasions like birthdays behind bars, and my journey towards spiritual awakening through reading the Bible. I touch on the difficulties of sharing my newfound faith with my family and the rejection I faced from them. In this episode I also dive deep into how scripture challenged my existing beliefs and led me to understand the concept of being chosen and loved by God. I encourages listeners to seek a real relationship with Jesus, and share how questioning and seeking answers from God led me to a profound sense of His Presence and understanding.

Holly’s story is a testament to the belief that transformation is possible for everyone through a relationship with Jesus and highlights the alive and active nature of God’s word.

00:00 Welcome to From Surviving to Living
00:53 The Power of Transformation and Faith
02:17 Breaking Free: A Journey of Faith Behind Bars
03:15 Discovering the Bible: A New Perspective
08:05 The Challenge of Sharing New Beliefs
13:09 A Deep Dive into Spiritual Understanding
15:02 Experiencing God’s Presence and Lessons
21:08 Closing Thoughts: Your Story is Never Over

TRANSCRIPT

Do you seek solace through spiritual beliefs? Does this method of comfort leave you resistant to questioning those beliefs?

Early in 2016 God would begin to change everything in me. Despite these positive changes my family would soon reject and abandon me, offended by my new beliefs. Through it all, I would discover the secret to solace, which transcends mere belief, finding peace in an actual relationship with Jesus.

We’ll explore the experience of knowing Jesus and uncover the secret to real relationship with Him. Listen until the end, you don’t want to miss a word! This is Breaking Bias.

February 2016 and another birthday in prison for me. When I first arrived at prison it had been the month of March. Since my birthday is in February, I’d had an entire year before my first birthday there; I had watched other women celebrate birthdays all year, trying to make them special.

Holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays, the hardest times in prison. They are typically spent with family and friends, happy, but can be stark reminders of loss when one is away from loved ones. Most women tried to make the best of it in prison. I saw this was not easy for them. I vowed to make my birthday special but just like them, it never turned out the way I wished.

Is there a time of year that’s very special for you? How do you observe it? Have you experienced loss that makes holidays more difficult to enjoy?

For the past month I had been reading the Bible constantly, everywhere. I didn’t jump in at the beginning. Instead, I began towards the end, hesitant and unsure. As I came to a teaching in the book of I Peter, I read a verse I remembered hearing when I was young:

²⁰knowing this first: that no prophecy of the Scripture is of any private interpretation. ²¹For the prophecy came not in olden times by the will of man, but holy men of God spoke as they were moved by the Holy Ghost. II Peter 1:20-21

I didn’t completely understand this but it did make sense that if God wanted to write a book, He could. We think of authors like Stephen King as having a good editor and publisher. We take for granted their books are as they, the author, intended. Why think human authors have abilities superior to God? Either God can do god-like things or He is not a god, not worth worshiping.

I also found something in the book of Hebrews I’d heard before at church but had never felt was explained well:

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

Now however I wondered, ‘How is the word of God alive? How can it be active? It’s a book! It’s been the same for thousands of years.’ Soon, however, God would explain this concept to me. I was about to be surprised and delighted.

I quit reading when I got to the last book, the book of Revelation. While I was engaged from the start, I didn’t feel confident reading that unusual book. Secretly I worried whatever new enthusiasm to read the Bible I’d been granted wouldn’t get me through it.

God had given me a supernatural desire to read His Word, that was more than obvious to me. I was used to experiencing my own instability and unreliability, however. All my life I rarely completed anything I started. I suppose I feared this experience would be no different, so...

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(17) LOVE & HATE: From Bitterness to Blessing

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In this episode, we explore the journey of healing and transformation through loving and serving others. Despite facing broken relationships and personal struggles, I discover the power of love and reconciliation guided by divine intervention. Delving into scripture and prayer, I wrestle with the challenge of loving even my enemies, ultimately overcoming anger and rage with the help of God’s grace. Join us as we uncover the profound impact of forgiveness, redemption, and divine guidance in navigating life’s unexpected paths.

TRANSCRIPT

Do you struggle with anger? Do you need rescue from the hurt?

In April 2016 I found myself on an unexpected path. God urged me to heal broken relationships at a time when bitterness and rage would be the natural response. He also gave me a ministry of loving others. Discover with me the freedom found in obedience to God, even in our worst relationships.

We’ll uncover the secret to overcoming bitterness and finding joy in relationships with others. Listen until the end, you don’t’ want to miss a word! This is Love and Hate.

It was April 2016, and I’d spent the past three months trying to find a home in Minnesota for my son Tim. It was not going well. Tim, now age 13, was growing more despondent. He’d spent the past 2 and a half years in a slew of foster and group homes in Washington, so many I’d lost count. Tim was desperate to go home. I was hoping to find someone in Minnesota to care for him until I was released from prison.

“Did you see who’s back?” I turned to see who Jen was talking about. The day room in Tubman was full, with women watching TV and playing cards. “There, by the window,” she added pointing to a woman sitting by herself.

MCF-Shakopee was originally built to house a mere 250 women, but with expansion and make-shift modifications, had increased the prison capacity to 600. At times during my stay the population would swell to over 700.

For overcrowding relief the DOC would HoF out male and female inmates, housing them off campus in county jails and federal prisons. Some inmates were gone a few months, some an entire year. Spending a year in county jail can be a very rough experience.

I followed Jen’s hand and saw Tiffani sitting by the windows. Tiffani,in her early 20’s, sat alone. She stared out the window and sucked her thumb. Rocking back and forth in her chair and gripping a strand of her hair in one hand she appeared lost in thought. I remembered her well and my heart sank. Tiffani was a difficult person, like thirty behavioral problems in one package. Right now, however, she looked pitiful. I narrowed my eyes and considered her.

Still reading my Bible every day, I read that Jesus often prayed all night. I did not pray that much. In fact days or even weeks might go by where I didn’t pray at all. I understood that if Jesus needed to pray for hours then I needed to pray more too!

Jesus also stressed our need to love people. In fact He said,

But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Matthew 5:44

I was not good at that either. I created a prayer list to help myself pray more, and I began to add people I didn’t like as well as those I already loved.

Are you interested in a more fulfilling prayer life? Do you struggle with this?

Now I stared at Tiffani and thought. She was an ABE student, which meant she would soon be in the class where I was a tutor. “Great, just great,” I thought miserably. ‘As if loving others wasn’t challenging enough.’

I considered adding Tiffani to my prayer list, but I didn’t want to because thinking about her any longer than necessary sounded unpleasant. Tiffani continued rocking in her chair as I thought, sucking her thumb, and staring out the window seeing nothing. I’d rarely seen her so quiet. Sighing, I decided I would add her to my list and pray for her and turned back to my friend. This choice would lead to surprising results.

One day I read in the Bible-

Regard (treat with honor, due obedience, and courtesy) your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land the Lord your God gives you. Exodus 20:12

I noticed it was one of the 10 commandments and the only one that came with a promise if obeyed. I puzzled over its meaning. I thought I understood respect, but I wanted to obey God exactly as He desired. Did I have to feel affection for my parents? Admiration? Would I need to ignore my own pain to obey?

I felt rejected in many ways by my parents – marginalized, disrespected, discarded. To...