Friendship IRL

Today I’m going to share my personal hot takes about friendship.

If you’ve been listening to Friendship IRL for a while, you’ll recognize some of these ideas, but some thoughts are new, and some I haven’t presented as directly as I do today.

I was inspired by Danielle Bayard Jackson’s recent episode on the Friend Forward podcast, “6 Hot Takes on Female Friendships.” Here, I cover topics ranging from making friends with people of the opposite gender (which I love!) to the term “best friend” (which I hate!).

Honestly, I think doing this work has cemented a lot of these friendship beliefs for me, but I’d love to hear your thoughts: which hot takes do you agree or disagree with? This is a great episode for new listeners to start with, so please: send this to a friend, too!

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The fallacy that we need only a few close friends (and in particular, a best friend) and the truth about what the most supportive network actually looks like
• How diversity in friendships can help us imagine different ways to live and be in the world – and consequently better understand ourselves
• Over-sharing vs. under-sharing in friendship and why it’s actually not a bad thing when we’re not invited
• The possible repercussions when you finally allow yourself to be uncomfortable in friendship

Resources & Links:

This episode was inspired by Danielle Bayard Jackson’s recent episode, “6 Hot Takes on Female Friendships.” Danielle is host of the Friend Forward podcast and was a guest here during Episode 77 about female friendships.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Men’s friendships feel like a big ball of yarn with thousands of strings that we have to untangle. In Part 2 of today’s episode, we’re delving into the small actions we can start to take to bring men back into the fold into community and into connection.
Some of this work starts with having open conversations out loud. I’ll share some tangible questions you can talk about with the men in your life, plus we’ll dive into how men can begin to prioritize the logistics around the friendships in their lives, and even change the culture of their existing relationships by asking deeper questions.
No more comparing men’s friendships to women's friendships or romantic relationships.
I don’t think men can do this alone - we ALL have to be in this together! (And if you haven't already, go back and listen to Episode 31 for Part 1: All About Men's Friendships).In this episode you’ll hear about:

• What we need to start paying attention to - from moments where men are shutting down in conversations, to societal messages that say men’s friendships are “lesser than”
• How my husband Michael has built a consistent connection point with his friends through a Fantasy Football league.
• Why friendship should not be an afterthought for men. They shouldn't feel the need to complete every other thing in their life before they spend time with their friends.
• The importance of discussing the meaning of social capital out loud and with the men in your life: How are you maintaining relationships? How much work is it? How are those relationships supporting your life? What vital roles are they playing?
• How Michael and I handle prioritization around our time together vs. our friends. What do we do if we’re invited to a birthday party the same night as a scheduled date night? We’re not always each other’s “person” for everything in life.

Resources & Links
Tune in to Episode 2: Your Friendships Are As Important As Your Romantic Relationships
Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram!
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

How does friendship affect introverts?
This is a topic I’ve been wanting to bring to the podcast for a long time, and since I’m an extrovert who is constantly energized by having people around me, I’m bringing in Becky Mollenkamp, a self-proclaimed “hardcore introvert” who likes to be alone a lot of the time.
Becky and I drop into the real, raw behind the scenes of how being an introvert has affected her friendships and how she’s created the experiences she desires. We also cover how to balance introverted and extroverted friendships, how to protect your friends’ time and boundaries, and why we often mix up what it truly means to be an introvert.
If you’ve ever told yourself “I'm a bad friend,” or “I am just not good at this,” or “I'm never going to make new friends,” those thoughts are VALID, and a lot of people are experiencing something similar.
I hope this conversation makes you feel a lot less alone. So much energy is spent comparing what we “think” friendship should look like, when in reality, we should take that energy and think about how to build relationships that feel good for us.In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The limiting beliefs Becky has held on to about friendship, and why it’s sometimes easier for her to forgo investing time and energy into friendships in favor of being alone
• Becky recaps her experiences with friendship through childhood and beyond college. Most of her friends were only there for a season since she moved around so much
• Attachment styles, and how your given attachment style can affect how you form close relationships (and potentially sabotage them)
• “The Liking Gap” and why most people actually underestimate how much another person likes them
• Most of what we see in society is an extroverted vision of friendship. We talk about what it looks like to have a friendship amongst introverts, or where one person in the friendship is an introvert
• Spending time together will look differently for introverts than it will for extroverts. As such, some friends will spend more time together as they have similar energies, but there are ways to make introverted friendships even more fulfilling

Resources & Links
Connect with Becky on Instagram at @beckymollenkamp, LinkedIn, Twitter, or on her website.
Check out the article, The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do People Like Us More Than We Think?
Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram!
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

From happy hours to bottomless mimosa brunches, many friendships are held together by activities that involve alcohol.
Consequently, these friendships are often affected when one party stops drinking. I personally have experienced some big friend group culture shifts when it comes to alcohol. In the beginning, alcohol was the norm, but it’s not anymore.
Today’s guest is Hitha Palepu, the CEO of Rhoshan Pharmaceuticals and the author of How to Pack: Travel Smart for Any Trip and We’re Speaking: The Life Lessons of Kamala Harris. Recently, Hitha posted on Instagram about the impact drinking less has made on her friendships, and today, we talk about this shift.
No matter what, it’s helpful to find activities with your friends that do not center around alcohol, so be proactive and find new ways to spend time together. It will only strengthen your friendship in the long run.
In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The normalization and glamorization of alcohol consumption and the reality of what regular drinking does to our bodies and our relationships
• How many people use alcohol as a social crutch – plus, the barrier it actually creates between friendships
• Hitha’s decision to cut back on alcohol, especially at networking events or parties, and the impact that’s made on her home life and overall well-being
• How Hitha has transitioned with her friends into doing other activities together that don’t involve alcohol, from Dry January to coffee walks in the park
• Tips if you are reevaluating your relationship with alcohol, from creating rules for yourself to finding delicious delicious alcohol-free alternatives

Resources & Links:

I can’t tell you enough how much I enjoy Hitha’s Five Smart Reads; sign up for her newsletter! I also highly recommend both her books: How to Pack: Travel Smart for Any Trip and We’re Speaking: The Life Lessons of Kamala Harris.
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Last March, Erin Woodruff was walking through her neighborhood with her two-year-old daughter. It had been a long winter and it felt like spring would never come.
During the walk, Erin began wondering about her neighbors. Many were also moms of young children. Were they also depressed and tired of the cold weather? She wished she knew them better. So, she created a means to do so.
The next week, she hosted a “Favorite Things” party, a low-barrier gathering that had big effects. So much of the language regarding new friendships is about “joining” or “finding,” but here, Erin created her opportunity to get to know her neighbors better.
I was an event-planner for more than a decade, and I love helping people figure out how to pull off impactful, meaningful gatherings. In this episode, Erin and I talk in-depth about not only how to pull off an intentional neighborhood gathering, but why they’re so important.In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Erin’s work as a communications coach and her resolution to make more friends that live close to her after a mid-pandemic move
• The Favorite Things party – the inspiration, the details, how she prepared for it, the intentions behind it, and why the format works well with new acquaintances
• How and why you sometimes want to keep things simple at gatherings – plus, how throwing a gathering like this creates more connection opportunities for the future
• Decision fatigue and the mantra Erin learned from her mother about focusing not on who didn’t come, but instead, at who did
• Creating intentional gatherings – thinking about what your goal is in a gathering and creating an environment in which you can reach that goal

Resources & Links
Want to throw a Favorite Things party? Here are Erin’s tips. Learn more about Erin’s coaching business and check out her podcast, the Time For You Podcast.
Want to learn more about intentional gatherings? Check out The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker.
Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram!
Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!