Footballland
Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison, Ryan Baxter
How do you design football themed theme park rides for a football themed theme park? This is how! Welcome to Footballland.
Despite having little to no theme park acumen between them, Anthony Richardson, Mark Davis and Ryan Baxter each pitch a football themed theme park attraction or facility every week. Owing to their lack of any abilities in this field, Anthony, Mark and Ryan regularly enlist the help of special guests including comedians, footballers, musicians and journalists, none of whom have any experience building theme parks either, but at least we blame somebody else for a little while.
We also receive regular contributions from our ever expanding team of Patreons. So come join us at Footballland! "Our Goal Is Your Dreams...!" "Where Dreams Are Kicked About!" "Come In And Kick The Magic?" "The Beautiful Game (Park (needs some work))!" "Come Score Some Pleasure!"
Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland
Exclusive Car Park Naming Rights https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.
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Top 10 Footballland Episodes
Goodpods has curated a list of the 10 best Footballland episodes, ranked by the number of listens and likes each episode have garnered from our listeners. If you are listening to Footballland for the first time, there's no better place to start than with one of these standout episodes. If you are a fan of the show, vote for your favorite Footballland episode by adding your comments to the episode page.
07/05/22 • 39 min
Greetings, Captain Footballland here!
I have exciting things to report: our intrepid trio continue to fight for the greater footballing good – battling interminable desert sand storms, blistering temperature and general indifference – the park progress. Flying high above the footprint of Footballland I can imagine the splendour that awaits, which is good because it's just sand at the minute. BUT meanwhile our brave threesome not only continue the build, but bring us THREE new attractions too!!!
Robbie Fowler's Growler
While the boys struggled to imagine Robbie Fowler in any other era than the 1990s, they luckily didn't struggle to imagine him with a massive bush and a series of animals that growl...
Calf and a Half
Petting zoo, centaur ride, I think not!! How about a field full of sexy, sexy, sexy leg shaped sexual aids. Imagine 'Field of Dreams' meets 'A Christmas Story' and you're about half way there.
The Referee's A W*nker
The less said about this the better. Give it a listen. If you can.
Yours lovingly,
Anthony Richardson (CEO)
Mark Davison (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)
Ryan Baxter (Intern)
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.
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06/28/22 • 40 min
Good day fair Footballlanders,
Another glorious week of Footballland is upon us, and what a week of Footballland last week was, no? EXCITING NEWS ALERT!! We have broken ground! We think... (TBC) Either way Mark is out in Qatar, we think... (or Saudi Arabia (TBC)) and he's employed a local (TBC) building contractor/builder/man who is definitely doing stuff.
Robbie Keane's Roly Poly Shooting Gallery
Ryan brings us one of the most iconic and poorly executed celebrations in football BUT in the form of a triathlon and possibly lots and lots of animal cruelty, (TBC).
Headless Chickens FC
Mark opens up about his former addiction to games consoles, it's hard to know whether this is a pitch or some kind of alternative therapy, however you won't be surprised to discover that clones are involved. And somebody with a massive head.
The Footballer Vacation Simulator
Want to live the high life? Or just look really bored on an identikit holiday of your mate's? Well, why have to choose when you can hop aboard the The Footballer Vacation Simulator.
We can't wait for you all to visit Footballland. Next week - let's do it all again!!
Yours lovingly,
Anthony Richardson (CEO)
Mark Davison (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)
Ryan Baxter (Intern)
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
06/21/22 • 39 min
Greetings Footballland Earholders!
Well, we must apologise again, not sure to who, but to somebody for sure... Yes we've failed, yet again, to break ground on Footballland but we're not really worried because it's all sand and sand is dead easy to dig so, you know... In other news Anthony is having a lovely time in Hawaii as he makes his way "the other way" around the world back from Tuvalu, so as not to lose a day AND then there's the small matter of coming up with three excellent new rides too:
The Quadruple Loople
Mark pitches the impossible, which we thought had been done before on Footballland but this time it's really impossible, it's a ride that recreates all the hype and all the reality of an English club trying to complete the quadruple. (Community Shield excluded, T&Cs apply).
It's Alive
Anthony suggests an alternate use for Martin Tyler: mad scientist. What better way to celebrate the history of football than to take one of the most famous catchphrases of recent years and add a letter? Join Martin for some Frankenstein-ish goings on, oh and some snooker too.
The Mark Drapery
If you're going bring your antiques to Qatar to get polish by Juan Sebastian Veron then you might as well get your soft furnishing whipped up too, right? Well at least Ryan thinks so. (Bloody interns!!)
Don't forget to send us your ride ideas and lots of love!
With love from,
Anthony Richardson (Footballland CEO)
Mark Davison (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)
Ryan Baxter (Intern)
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
06/14/22 • 33 min
Greetings Footballlanders,
It's all kicking off in Tuvalu! Anthony has started the newest, spiciest rivalry in football. After beating them in an 11 vs 1 game, he has now started to berate them and insult them whenever possible. Needless to say, we've not started building yet BUT we did come up with three excellent new rides:
Ten Hag Pin Bowling
Man Utd have tried everything to not be sh*t recently, and failed, but it's possible that Anthony might have a solution for them – 46 pin bowling! What better way to make squad choices that to knock down random pins representing members of the squad. Sound more plausible than something called Ed Woodward.
Lee Cars Lee
Ryan loves a car park doesn't he, he just can't help himself. While it's not another car park this time (thank god) it is another car park based pitch, it's the Lee Cars Lee! Who better to look after your car than Lee Carsley? Only one small hitch with this one, Lee might not want to give you your car back...
The Draught Excluder
Mark loves nothing more than at the end of a hard day, to crawl inside a giant sausage skin and lie in front of a draughty front door belonging to an old lady. So he made a ride out of it. At least I think that's what this is.
Don't forget to send us your ride ideas and lots of love! Oh and join our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
With love from,
Anthony Richardson (Footballland CEO)
Mark Davison (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)
Ryan Baxter (Intern)
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
06/07/22 • 41 min
Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland
Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
Greetings Footballland Earholders!
What a sunny day it is here in Western Samoa, Doha and Butlins Minehead respectively! The team at Footballland are working around the clock to bring you the first, best, biggest and only football themed theme park in Qatar, ready for the World Cup in 2022 in Qatar, in Qatar in 2022, in Qatar, and we've almost started building!
The three brand new rides for the park this week are as follows:
Father & Son - The Big Man / Little Man Combo
Ryan suggests having a service where disappointed dads can adopt a footballer to replace their hugely inadequate son. This leads to a conversation on the ethics of cloning, how to breed the perfect footballer and the curious case of Roy Keane Button.
The Open Top Bus Parade Rollercoaster
How can you have a football themed theme park without a rollercoaster in the shape of an open top bus parade? Has there ever been a double decker rollercoaster, and would anyone sit on the bottom deck apart from James Milner?
Mount Mason
Anthony has been reading about Everest recently and just how busy it is. So he suggests building a mountain one foot higher in the shape of Mason Mount. Thus the strain of Mount Everest would be relieved and climbers the world over can get intimately acquainted with every nook and cranny of the Chelsea and England international.
And don't forget to send us your ride ideas! We'll feature every single one.
With love from,
Anthony Richardson (Footballland CEO)
Mark Davison (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)
Ryan Baxter (Intern)
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
05/31/22 • 39 min
Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland
Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
Welcome one and all to Footballland!
After a slight mix up two of the trio are in Goa, India, while our Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer Mark Davison is in Doha. So we've been left with no option but to delay the building of our theme park by yet another week.
Instead, we have decided to come up with THREE brand new rides for the world's first football theme park, in Qatar, for the World Cup in 2022 in Qatar, in Qatar.
This week - a ride dedicated to the greatest goalkeeper you never saw, plus why is Jermaine Jenas giving our guests penis extensions? AND we pump one lucky punter full of drugs every minute! Will you be.... way too pumped?
And don't forget to send us your ride ideas. Get them here in time for us to build the park though!
With equal love and professional respect,
Anthony Richardson (CEO)
Mark Davison (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)
Ryan Baxter (Intern)
And don't forget to send us your ride ideas. Get them here in time for us to build the park though!
With equal love and professional respect,
Anthony Richardson (CEO)
Mark Davison (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)
Ryan Baxter (Intern)
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
05/24/22 • 38 min
Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland
Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
Hello from Saudi Arabia!
The boys are in Saudi (although Mark is in fact in Qatar) to build the world's first football theme park in Qatar for the World Cup in Qatar in 2022 in Qatar, in Qatar!
And what a theme park it's set to be. With over 200 rides and 17 different themed toilets there truly is something for everyone. And instead of building the thing this week, we decided to come up with three brand new rides!
The Rebekah Vardy Escape Room
Help! Peter Andre's penis has been lost in the North Sea! Can you help find it, then defend Rebekah Vardy against accusations of his murder? In this courtroom themed escape room, guests will relive the famous Rooney-Vardy case with an added twist!
Groundswell
Have you ever wanted to hop around all 92 football league stadiums while sprinkling water on them to keep them hydrated? Are you an elderly person with an urn full of tea? Come to Groundswell where you're guaranteed to pass the time.
The Hall Of Past/Future Mirrors
In yet another exhibit where our Chief Ride Engineer 'hasn't quite yet worked out the technology', guests can see what they would have looked like as a 17 year old academy graduate AND what they will look like as a grizzled 58 year old former pro turned pundit with a driving band and a hatred of exuberant haircuts! It's the Hall of Past/Future mirrors!
And as ever please send us your ride ideas. We'll discuss every single one!
Anthony Richardson (Footballland CEO)
Mark Davison (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)
Ryan Baxter (Intern)
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S02 E35 | Ashley Young Getting Bird Poo In His Mouth: The Ride, The Damp Squib Factor & The Watcher
Footballland
05/17/22 • 40 min
Greetings from Qatar!
For the first time in Footballland history, the boys are in the Middle East! Anthony is in the Holiday Inn in Doha, Ryan is in The Marriott in Doha, and Mark is in Saudi Arabia. Time is really running out to build this park - at this rate we’re looking at building one ride per day before it opens - but Mark suggests we invent THREE more attractions this week before starting construction in earnest next Monday.
Ashley Young Getting Bird Poo In His Mouth: The Ride
Remember when Ashley Young jogged along the pitch with his mouth slightly open and a bird (possibly a seagull) pooed in it? It was an iconic moment in English football and to date has never been turned into a ride at a theme park. That is about to change, with Ashley Young Getting Bird Poo In His Mouth: The Ride.
The Damp Squib Factor
Football is mostly a bit rubbish, isn’t it? Games can be hyped up beyond all recognition on Sky Sports then the game is so offensively dull the image is burned onto your plasma TV screen. Our chief ride engineer Mark insists that we make Footballland a bit rubbish somehow so that football fans get the true football experience, and none of that Disney muck.
The Watcher
At Footballland we’re keen for fans to have a good time before they even get here, so we’re rigging up 360 webcams in the park so that guests can watch from a variety of authentic footballing angles. If you like watching other people having fun, this one’s for you!
Remember, we *need* your ride ideas to fill up Footballland. Send them to us. Send them to us NOW. We’ll discuss every single one on the show.
Most Kind Regards,
Anthony Richardson (CEO of Footballland)
Mark Davison (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)
Ryan Baxter (Intern)
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.
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S01 E27 | Playground Tactics | Footballland
Footballland
04/27/21 • 29 min
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Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
It's been another hugely successful meeting at Footballland HQ, and we're pleased to announce TWO new rides, plus an update on the name of another ride.
Playground Tactics
Remember at school in the playground, aged seven, when at lunchbreaks your whole year group chased a ball around with no positional awareness, no skill, and no clear idea of what it was you were actually doing? Mark has designed a new ride which allows adults to relive the nostalgia! Using electro-magnetic fields and/or bungee cords to make sure nobody is ever standing in exactly the right place, and a moving pitch to ensure any discernible talent is removed from the participants, you'll feel just like you're back at Woodlands' Primary getting in a feverish 15 minutes before the bell goes and it's your class's turn for lunch!
Gary Lineker's Loop The Loop
It's another world first at Footballland - the first rollercoaster that's also a toilet! We've all dreamed of being Gary Lineker, but with the highs come the lows, and if you walk a mile in the great striker's boots you've also got to do a poo on a field just like he did at Italia '90. Toilets at theme parks should be fun, and Gary Lineker's Poop The Loop is a thrill-a-minute bodily excavation.
Important Clarification On The Name Of Gary Mabbutt's 'The Queen's Nose' Arcade Machine
Patron James Worley got in touch to propose a selection of possible names for this attraction, and after much debate we have settled on our favourite.
PLUS we welcome a new sponsor of a Footballland car park, Rob Lindsay!
Thanks all, keep your ride ideas coming!
Anthony, Mark and Ryan
Footballland Explained:
Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.
Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland
Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer
Ryan Baxter, Intern.
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland
Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
This week we're pleased to announce that Mark Davison returns after being out of the game for two weeks - that's a short time in Podcast terms, but a lifetime if you're a Watford manager.
So the full complement of top, top lads are excited to bring you THREE new attractions.
Uri Geller Will F*** Up Your Day In Footballland
Anthony has a genius plan to avoid a massive lawsuit, what with Footballland being so dangerous. It involves the mindreading, spoonbending mystic Uri Geller and 365 helicopter pilots. Uri Geller WILL f*** up your day in Footballland, but can you receive compensation?
Pepe's Pee Pee Take
Ryan has rewatched the most important 75 minutes in English football history, Rio Ferdinand's World Cup Wind Ups and hatches an audacious plan to reboot it at Footballland, featuring everyone's favourite sh*thouse, Pepe. Make sure you get full insurance on those hire cars.
Marcelo Bielsa's Bum Bucket Carousel
Mark spent his two weeks off fixated by that weird stool/bucket thing that Marcelo Bielsa sits on during Leeds United games. He plans to turn it into a ride, but are your glute-flutes up to the strain?
And as ever we want your ideas. Send us a message and we'll feature them in an upcoming episode.
Footballland Explained:
Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks.
Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland
Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer
Ryan Baxter - Intern
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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FAQ
How many episodes does Footballland have?
Footballland currently has 75 episodes available.
What topics does Footballland cover?
The podcast is about World Cup, Premier League, Football, Comedy, Podcasts, Sport, Sports, Soccer and Disneyland.
What is the most popular episode on Footballland?
The episode title 'S02 E41 | Robbie Keane's Roly Poly Shooting Gallery, Headless Chicken FC and The Footballer Vacation Simulator' is the most popular.
What is the average episode length on Footballland?
The average episode length on Footballland is 36 minutes.
How often are episodes of Footballland released?
Episodes of Footballland are typically released every 7 days.
When was the first episode of Footballland?
The first episode of Footballland was released on Oct 19, 2020.
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