330: Dor Podcast: TEAM with TOTS

Integrating TEAM-CBT with Martial Arts Training! Podcast Episode 330, Featuring Dor Star Our guest today is Dor Star. Dor is an educational counselor (MA) and a level 2 TEAM practitioner who works with children in Israel who have emotional and interpersonal problem. He works with children as young as four years old, but most of his work is with children ages seven to twelve years old. The children he works with experience various challenges and difficulties such as: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), learning disabilities, tantrums, outbursts of anger, all kinds of anxieties, social difficulty, bullying and much more. His work is unique because he works mainly in small groups (4-6 participants) using martial arts and sports as therapeutic tools. In his work Dor uses the TEAM model with some adaptation, because of the children’s ages and sports methods, with great success! In fact, one can say that he discovered for himself, and for his patients, a new way to use the TEAM model. He also teaches sports and martial arts trainers who are interested in entering the field of child therapy. Dor describes his first encounter with TEAM-CBT, which blew him away, but he was initially frustrated because he was thinking of his conventional ways of dealing with kids VS TEAM. But after a few weeks he discovered that he could use the TEAM structure to improve his approach, and wow, did he ever start to shine, as did his results with TEAM. Today’s podcast was really a breath of fresh air! Dor began with T = Testing, and describes how he developed simple assessment tools to rate how his children (aged 4 to 11) were feeling at the start and end of his classes, but also how they felt about him. He uses simple questions like “Did I understand you today? How well did I listen?” He also asks them, “How much fun was the session,” and “How did you grade yourself?” Then they grade him on a scale from 0 (the worst) to 10 (the best.) So, it’s quick, easy, and . . . shocking. Dor says: “I found out that I wasn’t nearly as effective as I thought. Sometimes the kids thought the class was fun, but I got really low grades on Empathy, as well as how depressed, anxious and angry they were feeling at the start and end of each group session. Essentially, I discovered that I wasn’t achieving almost any of my goals for my kids. This was disturbing at first, and I had to let my ego die. But I decided to try to view it as valuable information that I might be able to use to learn and grow.” For example, I had one of the most amazing sessions with an 11 year who was smiling the entire time. I was absolutely certain it was one of my best sessions ever. But when I asked him for my grade, he gave me a 3 out of 10! When I asked why, he explained that at the start I didn’t introduce myself or ask him about himself! So, in this simple but compelling way, Dor has used the T = Testing to transform the entire way he works with kids! I believe he’s had the same experiences I’ve had with the T = Testing component of TEAM. Dor has made his patients his teachers, and this has led to some amazing and revolutionary developments in his approach. Dor emphasizes the importance of E = Empathy, and says that “the Five Secrets of Effective Communication” are incredible! For example, if they’re having a rage attack, or a temper tantrum, you can tell them they are absolutely right in the way they’re thinking and feeling.” He also uses what he calls the Five Ways of Love.

1. Verbally expressing respect and liking
2. Giving service: tying a child’s shoes, giving them some water during the training. These small acts can create feelings of trust and connection.
3. Spending time with them, paying attention to them. This is especially important because so many are angry and try to push others away. They are good at getting other people to reject them and not want to spend time with them.
4. Giving gifts, something they can take home and show to their parents.
5. Making physical contact with them during the martial arts training, playing with them, having fun.

I (David) would note that physical contact might be something to be careful with. Of course, when you are teaching martial arts, it may be perfectly justified and desirable. I came from the psychotherapy perspective, and I have been trained that ANY touching of a patient other than shaking hands at the initial and final sessions is grounds for a malpractice suit as well as an ethics charge. Dor also made some really illuminating comments on the A = Assessment of Resistance (formerly called Paradoxical Agenda Setting.) At the initial evaluation, he talks to the teachers, parents, and students. The agendas from teachers and parents are things like “he has an anger problem” or a problem paying attention in class, or whatever. However, 90% of the time, the children frequently are unaware of those agendas, or have no interest i...